Perez Hilton: 10 New Year's Resolutions for 2009

I must be living a very sheltered life because until recently I knew nothing about Perez Hilton. I had heard the name but just figured he was a relative of Paris and gave it no further thought. Then I stumbled on a magazine article about him a couple of months ago and realized he is a rather interesting fellow. It turns out he is quite popular and has a "love-him hate-him" reputation in Hollywood.

Like him or not, there is no doubt Mr. Hilton is an influential celebrity in his own right. His real name is Mario Lavandeira, Jr. and he got his start as a blogger. He blogs under the name of Perez Hilton and writes brazen gossip about celebrities. His blogs have a hugely popular following on multiple websites and the content he writes about elicits both negative and positive attention, but more negative than positive. Despite all the negativity and controversy, his popularity continues to increase and he has done talk shows, TV spots, radio shows, and even has his own clothing line.

According to an article in Rolling Stone, he is quoted as saying one of his mottos is "Just have fun, and if it's not fun, make it fun. Follow the fun, create the fun, be all about having fun".

Since he is "all about the fun", I thought it would be humorous to offer him some suggestions for New Year's Resolutions.

Perez, if you ever read this, I wish you no harm or hurt feelings and hope you aren't offended. Here we go!

1. Get a better lawyer or take some classes to learn about copyright laws. If necessary, plaster post-it-notes everywhere as a reminder - do not use other people's photographs. Even if it seems as though the Fair Use Act justifies their use, just say no.
2. Use your power and fame for good. You have attained the fame you so desperately sought, congratulations! It's now time to use that fame and influence to make a positive difference in the world. Talking about fashion mistakes, dating scandals, trashy gossip, and otherwise tacky topics may be your idea of fun but it does not make the world a better place. Rise above it because you are obviously very talented or you wouldn't have gotten this far. Donate more time and effort to worthy causes instead of spending all your time on Hollywood celebrity rumors.
3. Create a "Perez cares" blog, or better yet, a "Mario cares" blog. Use only heartwarming and family friendly icons on the blog page - such as sunflowers, butterflies, and pink ice cream cones. Write about nothing but uplifting things subjects. You might be surprised how good you'll feel inside if you try to build up a person's ego instead of tearing the person down.
4. Don't say anything negative about anyone or anything for a week. Just try it, see if you can hold all the snarky comments inside for just one week. Only say uplifting things about others. Be nice by bringing out your inner beauty queen. Nice people do have fun too!
5. Apologize to every person you've offended. Simply apologize. Say "I'm sorry" to every Hollywood celebrity you have offended or hurt by being rude, obnoxious, overbearing, or downright nosy.
6. Go to counseling for multiple personality syndrome. Perez is mean and rude a good majority of the time and Mario seems afraid and self-conscious. Join them together and be a person the world would embrace for all the right reasons. You could still be famous, but the fame would be based on the real you instead of solely on this alter ego Perez person. Do you seriously want to be remembered as the person who became famous because he disgusted people and offended others? You are a very talented person and do not need to hide behind a false façade.
7. Hire more family members to work for you. Who loves you more than family, right? Now that you've got some helpers, take time for yourself. Get out and enjoy the fresh air instead of staying cooped up in your apartment scouring the internet for celebrity gossip fodder.
8. Create a line of greeting cards. You appear to have a great sense of humor, so why not use that gift to create a greeting card line. Just remember ... you don't have to be nasty or crude to be funny and sensational.
9. Take some art classes and learn to draw. Seriously, all those crude penis drawings on your blog aren't necessary in order to get your point across. They are tacky and juvenile and you are better than that. Rise above the filth and immature behavior. People will still be drawn to you. You can still keep your crown as the self-proclaimed "queen of all media" without being nasty.
10. Produce an instructional video showing how to use the internet to become famous. You harnessed your creativity and personality and created a great career for yourself. Share your keys to success with others.

Happy New Year Perez / Mario ... may 2009 be another prosperous and positive life-changing year for you. Perhaps you will share your real New Year's resolutions with us!

Source: http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/16928530/perez_hilton_the_queen_of_mean