Perfect December 24th Tricks of the Santa Trade

Santa is as real as honest banking, honestly. But Houston, we have a problem. Someone is spreading rumors that Santa is a myth crafted by a couple of bored church going parents. Well, this is holiday rumor control - Santa is coming to town folks! That is, with a little help from his friends, you.

Santa called and he needs our help this year or children may begin to lose faith in his gift-giving religion. What started this unusual request? It all began when Santa's feet grew another half-inch this year thanks to genetic engineered vegetables sold in the North Pole grocery store.

Santa needed new boots so he checked out Craigslist and found a pair of Shape-Up boots. The ad suggested the boots featured extra shock, steel toe, ankle support for better butt work-out for the walk. Santa arrived, purchased then left. The boots felt good for the first five minutes but it was the sixth minute when it all went downhill for Santa's ride. His Christmas spirit turned into frustration and his anger turned his forehead as red as his rosy cheeks. Remember, the sleigh runs better on Christmas spirit in the think tank rather than high-test. If it weren't for the cashier knowing Rudolph Santa may not have been able to get a free tank of gas. Back to the boots.

Santa's elves can't make Santa boots since all of the leather left went towards Nancy Pelosi's whip. The rubber went towards Lady Gaga's bra. The rest went towards children toys, games and clothes. The malls sold out of good boots since Black Friday. This is the first year Santa will have to wear his spare pair of Converse sneakers. They have no traction and leave only sliding marks rather than boot prints. My, how Santa loves leaving boot prints for children to ponder over.

And then there's the reindeer issue of downsizing following the Operation Snowbound. Now that the bank froze Rudolph's account after the bust, the reindeer can't afford any footings for emergency stops. Meaning, they will have to land into drifts of snow or mounds of hay to slow them into a stop which may or may not be at each home as done in the past. My, how Santa loves watching children in amazement from his digital snow-global sphere.

Up for it? Let's give back to Santa and help him help the children in keeping their Santa faith alive.

Santa's boot prints are easy to create. What you will need for the first idea is washable black paint and the bottom of someones boot. Word of caution - never use even washable paint on carpets, ever.

Pour some paint into a bowl, brush the paint on the bottom of the boot and press the boot down lightly on the floor then slowly pick the boot up. Make a couple of prints together and make sure you don't give Santa two left feet. He may be big but he could win on Dancing With the Stars.

You can either place the prints leading up to the attic, near the fireplace, towards the front door or anywhere Santa may roam. You could even give Santa a bathroom pit stop break by placing some prints into the bathroom. Be creative. There's so much to play with here. Why not the deck or near a child's bedroom. Just don't put the prints on a child's bedsheets. That's just screams mental evaluation.

What about the reindeer prints? It's time to grab that "hoe" - ho, ho, ho - or anything with a one or two-inch diameter at the end of a pole. It doesn't matter if you live on dirt or are experiencing snow. Parents and caregivers, it's time to use the spirit of muscle and imagination.

First find a good location to work with such as one seen outside of a window. A place where the kids can see the deer prints easily. For dirt surfaces a person should take a broom and sweep the dirt into a semi-pile but nothing that creates a mound. We are getting to the sticky part.

Place the bottom of the pole onto the surface. Without moving from side to side turn the pole around a few times driving it into the dirt or snow. You can also create a couple of deer prints like mysterious micro miniature crop circles into the grass areas by weighing the grass down in steps.

Are the presents from Santa, boot prints and deer prints not enough to convince the kids Santa stopped by? Try this one on for a realistic size - videotape.

Since Santa comes in while everyone is sleeping and the local law enforcement has no objections to you videotaping Santa without his permission, videotape him. At least you'll have proof that Santa doesn't sneak into the liquor cabinet (Goldschlager is expensive). A videotape of Santa in action, the kids will love it. How to pull of the videotape?

Catch Santa's back, shoulder, boot, something and review the videotape in the morning with the children. Unless your kids listen to Shaggy's "It Wasn't Me" this mostly spells Santa was here.

Santa cookies should not be an issue. Santa is a growing boy with a huge appetite on his busiest night of the year. He'll eat and run. Which brings us to another good sign that Santa has been creeping into the kitchen.

"Someones been eating my Taylor Pork Roll."

Oh yes, Santa's going to town in the frig. Parents, nibble a little and give so much in memories. But don't forget to leave a note from Santa explaining the neighbor's soy milk didn't cut it and how appreciative he was for the feast.

There's other things you can do to make this happen for Santa and the deer. They love the aftertaste of mysterious questions surrounding their existence. Perhaps if everyone believed then Santa would be running this nation. And we all know what color suit he wears. But then again, our nation would be handing out gifts to other nations - oh wait, that already happens in dividends.

Help spread the Christmas cheer and prove Santa was here! To you and yours from us and them, Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

Visit Lori Lane's X-Mas Counterattack to view a hilarious anti-Christmas counterattack. Visit Annie Jean Brewer's True History of Gift-Giving on Christmas for the counterattack of Christmas Counterattack on anti-Christmas counterattacks.

Source: Lori Lane