Perks of a Recession

Are you depressed, unemployed and racking up debt? Is your life like a country song? Don't worry, be happy. Hakuna matada. The recession can't last forever. When those stressed 9-5ers are heading to work, just laugh and hit the snooze. For ten silly ways the recession is great, see my list of perks below.

1. T.V.- You now have an excuse to watch more T.V. You can sit on your couch without guilt. Get addicted to soaps and watch all the big games. You're saving your family money!

2. Beer- You're jobless, depressed and have lots of free time. Is there a better reason to drink? Avoid a hangover and sleep until noon. Crack a beer to alleviate boredom!

3. Lottery- Use the recession as an excuse to play lottery games. You need a retirement plan. All it takes is one ticket to get rich quick. Playing bingo passes the time!

4. KD- Now you don't need a kid to enjoy Kraft Dinner. You can eat it because it's cheap. Don't tell your friends it's the only food you can cook. Throw a party and serve KD!

5. Nap- When you're out of work, and have no money, catch up on all your sleep. All those people at work would kill for a nap. Why even get out of bed?

6. Junk- Is there a better reason to declutter your house? You have time and need the money. Go on E-bay and sell those eight-track tapes. You're sure to find a buyer!

7. Skinny- Use the recession as a good excuse to lose weight. Ride your bike and save on gas. Food is expensive, why even eat? Save your money to pay for beer!

8. Sugar Daddy- When you're broke with no money, go trolling for dough. Find a spouse with lots of cash. You're not a gold digger; you're just looking for work. Does Brad Pitt need a nanny?

9. Bitch- Who doesn't love a good reason to bitch? Most people love to complain. In an economic recession, you'll have plenty of ammo. I have to pay for f#$%ing bags?

10. Hermit- With the recession here, you don't have to go out. Say no to Christmas parties. No more faking excuses and saying you're sick. Be a hermit without the guilt!

A recession has perks. Why not take advantage? Try cutting your spouse's hair. If that won't make you smile, burn their stuff to make heat. Say goodbye to that stamp collection. Learn to mend your own clothes and budget your money. Get skinny and take lots of naps. Use the recession as an excuse to drink beer and stay home. Or deny it-I'm on vacation!