Personal Impact of California's Gay Marriage Ruling

On Thursday, according to the San Francisco Chronicle, the California Supreme Court issued a ruling on the current marriage and domestic partnerships laws in California. The 172-page ruling boils down to one simple fact -- the institution of marriage may not have two different names in California, one for gay couples and one for straight couples. Rather, even if California wants to a create an institution other than marriage, such as domestic partnership, its nomenclature and the nomenclature of all such institutions must apply equally to couples of all gender and sexuality combinations.

The ruling, which will go into effect in 30 days, is momentous not just for gays and lesbians in California, but for same-sex couples around the nation. As the nation's most populous state, the recognition that gays and lesbians are as entitled to form family units as heterosexual people will reverberate nationwide.

Since my partner and I don't live in California, this ruling doesn't affect us directly. But it is an indicator of cultural acceptance and a war for equality that is slowly but inexorably being won. Certainly, I didn't expect to see marriage rights for gays and lesbians when we talked about these issues in my university GLBT group back in the early 90s. Now I am certain I will see marriages between couples of all types recognized at the federal level in my lifetime (even if it helps if I'm young).

The biggest impact this ruling, for my partner and me and couples like us all over the nation, is that we can no longer shrug off marriage as a stressor belonging to heterosexual couples that we don't have to address. Marriage has a lot of social status accorded to it, and while a lot of that can seem sexist or silly, it's still very real. Marriage men seem stable and women seem pretty; it signifies being a grownup. What what does it mean for me as a gay person? I'm 35; I'm pretty sure I've been a grownup for a while. And as a gay woman are white dress and flowers really the mark of success I'm looking for in the world?

The short answer is I, my partner and couples like us all over the nation don't know yet. We're still figuring it out. We've spent so many years fighting for our rights, most of us haven't had a chance to pause and decide how we want to exercise them because so many of us never believed this day would come.

Regardless of whether my partner and I ever choose marriage, the California ruling encourages more people to understand us and other gay and lesbian couples as people facing the same obstacles, joys and quandaries as their heterosexual neighbors. The California ruling brings us one step closer to no one being surprised when we hold hands walking down the street or when the plane takes off. The California ruling means that more people will have the chance to discover that acknowledging other people's joy elevates us all.

Bob Egelko, "State Supreme County says same-sex couples have right to marry." San Francisco Chronicle