Persons Unknown - and Then There was One Recap

Oh boy. I haven't even seen the last two episodes, but I am not looking forward to recapping them. From what I hear from you, it's not pretty.
Don't forget, there was an online-only episode that came before this one. Save yourself an hour of a bad Irish accent by reading my recap.

We open on a closeup of Janet's glossed lips, because everyone knows women go to sleep with lipstick on. We pan down to her Cross My Heart bra before finding Bad Irish standing over her and watching her sleep. Creeeeeeeeepy. Joe comes in and drags him out to the hallway to rough him up. Turns out Bad Irish is no longer devoted, and the trouble that comes is all his fault.

Bad Irish heads back to his office where Director is on the screen to offer a shoulder to cry on. Turns out she's pulling the red card she threw down earlier. Oh, didn't know about that, did you? It was on the webisode. She says she's giving Bad Irish a second chance. Well, she's pulling his red card, but the rest of the town is still in for it.

Back in the hotel Moira and Sarge find the elevator broken. They walk down the stairs and the whole gang comes into the lobby one by one. They've discovered the furniture is gone, the power is out, and Janet is missing. So is Bad Irish. You all are better off, trust me. Just sit back and relax and enjoy your - oh. There's Janet, in the restaurant. And Bad Irish is in the bus depot. And everything in the town is gone; every store is empty. Except for the body bags that Erika discovers. Only six, though. Joe clues us in that only one of them is going to get out of there alive. Well, actually it's two, Joe - Bad Irish is in with your lot now. Commercials.

Erika is making an impassioned speech about not trusting Joe and how they should take things into their own hands. Janet heads out to talk to Bad Irish. Apparently the plan is that they are supposed to kill each other. Bad Irish goes on to say the program has predicted her as the winner. She asks him to save the group but he said he'd save only her. She won't leave without the others. Her nose looks weird on her right side.

Janet goes to confirm the sole survivor plan with Joe. Confirmed. She tells Joe that she refused Bad Irish's offer for help because he wouldn't save everyone, and that included Joe. Joe urges her to go with Bad Irish.

In San Francisco, RenKat are meeting with a dirty hippie. He's a friend of Renbe's. Birds of a feather. A dirty, dirty feather. The guy was looking for info on the thumb Renbe handed over. The owner of the thumb is alive.

Back in town, Bad Irish dials up Director to confirm end of days. Turns out he's been demoted. Burn! See what I did there? Because he burned his town down? Whatever. He goes to get Janet to make a break for it. The whole town is there. Bad Irish presses a button in the town sign and the pain wall is down. He warns everyone to stay back but Bill runs forward. Pain wall surprise! Director is watching from her office and is disappointed in Bad Irish. What's a girl to do? Decapitate a fool. So she does. So long, Bad Irish!

Janet explains to the group that they're expected to kill each other. Joe confirms it for them. Janet says they're all getting out alive, and we go to commercials.

Does Jamie Lee Curtis wonder what wrong step she took that landed her as a poop mush pusher?

We're back in town. The gang is in Bad Irish's office, checking out video footage of the town. They notice Erika walk through a shot, but the corner of a building hides her for a few steps. They can't find that spot on any other camera.

Back in San Francisco, RenKat is questioning a guy in a hospital. I guess this is the guy who owned the last thumb. He's saying he wasn't in a small town like the one they found, he was in a slum city. And now he's working in the cancer research center because he can't be a surgeon with only one thumb. He doesn't know what program they're talking about.

Back in town, they're still working out a plan to escape. Someone has removed Bad Irish's body. The gang decides on a buddy system. Hilariously, Erika picks Sarge and gets in Moira's face about it. Well, it was hilarious to me. It's been a long day. Erika leaves, Sarge follows. The scene stops being hilarious as Sarge breaks up with Moira ("What we have here would never work in the real world") and now Moira's buddy is Charlie. This leaves Bill out in the cold, since we all know it's Janet and Joe all the way. Bill's aware, and mad.

Back in San Francisco, which I am sick of typing, RenKat suddenly remember that they're reporters, so they're investigating. Turns out the guy in hospital who owned the thumb (hereby known as Thumbs, which is mean and inaccurate but easier to type) is working at a cancer center that is heavily funded by the same folks who bought the newspaper RenKat used to work for, which is suspicious.

Back in town, Janet and Erika are watching the town fall apart on screen. Then Erika kisses her, but Janet doesn't swing that way. On the screen, Janet notices someone (Moira, I guess, because she asks, "Where did she go?") missing. On the screen, I see Joe at the restaurant, and then Bill getting beat up by someone dressed in black. It looks like Charlie is doing the beating but it's hard to tell; the guy is wearing a hat. The gang congregates in the bank where they saw Bill being beaten. He's gone, the vault is locked, the general concession is he's been taken. Charlie runs in dressed conspicuously like the assailant in the video. He asks where Bill is, but I'm not putting any stock in this red herring. Commercials.

Charlie is in his room, wrapped up in his blanket. That's the whole scene.

In Iowa, RenKat are investigating the company that bought the paper and invested in the cancer center. Renbe accuses the lady who is showing them around of being part of the conspiracy. he actually says "All the way out here in Iowa" like it's such a far way to go, even after traveling to Italy and then All Of South America. The two of them start ranting and raving about what they know. People turn to stare and RenKat are dragged away by security.

From her office, Director watches this on her screen. She asks Neil (the eyepatch guy) if anyone has come so close to finding them before. Neil says no. How is she watching all of these feeds at once? I can't even handle having more than six tabs open on my browser.

Back in town, Erika, Charlie, and Moira are fighting in the restaurant. Charlie grabs his arm and falls. He's dead. Sarge and Moira find an injection mark on Charlie's hand, so it's not your normal heart attack.

The rest of the gang heads back to the lobby to regroup. Joe and Janet have been foraging for food while Erika drowns her sorrows in booze. Sarge comes in the font door and says Moira is upset. Wait, she's out somewhere being upset? And you're not there to keep her from getting killed? Dick. Erika grabs her bottle and takes off. Commercials.

Real Housewives is coming to NBC this fall? Damn, NBC. Hard up for shows much? Oh wait. Persons Unknown. Right.

Back in town, Moira is playing the piano in the restaurant. Erika staggers in. She asks where Charlie's body went. Moira responds by severely beating Erika. The rest of the gang rush in to find Erika dead. Moira accuses Erika of killing Bill and Charlie, but she can see no one believes her so she runs for it. Back to the hotel, up the stairs, with the other three in hot pursuit. They chase her up to her room where Joe and Janet get their first glimpse at the writing Moira has done all over her walls, furniture, etc, trying to figure out the situation. It looks pretty crazy.

Sarge finds her out in the hall. She runs out to the balcony and threatens to jump but he talks her down. He plays the "I love you" card and promises to protect her. She mumbles that that's what her father used to say. Then she throws him off the balcony. Good on you, girl. That card was invalid. Sarge catches the railing but Moira pries his fingers off and he falls. It's only one story but I guess he landed wrong.

Inside, she goes after Janet, who kills her with a fire extinguisher. I don't know where Joe went but things aren't looking too good for him now. Time for commercials.

Oh, Joe was in the lobby. Janet breaks the news that it's just the two of them now. The lights go out (weird, I thought the power was already gone) and a siren goes off as red lights start flashing. Janet and Joe go outside. A device pops up out of the street. It looks like serious business.

RenKat are in a car getting angry about their situation. Great scene, you two. See? That's how you use sarcasm RenKat. Take a note.

Back in town, Janet and Joe go to check the body bag count. There's only one left. The flashing lights in this scene are annoying as hell. Janet is freaking out. Joe is trying to stay calm. They each take a swig from the bottle Erika left on the piano earlier. Joke's on you, Janet! It's poisoned. Erika was right about him all along. Joe apologizes and says the program is in his blood; it's what he is. He couldn't choose Janet because they would never allow it.

He loads her bagged body into the van with the rest and Director walks up to commend him on his good work. Neil stun guns him from behind.

In the van, the townies unzip themselves one by one and we see how each death was faked. The driver of the van has his headphones in and doesn't notice his cargo sneaking around. I don't know why they decided to choke him while he was driving, I mean obviously the van is going to drive off the road. Which it does, and then it rolls down an embankment, with the six townies inside, none of whom are wearing seat belts.

I'm guessing the next episode is the big disappointment everyone's telling me about. This was probably the best episode they've have of this show, and while that isn't saying much it was a hell of a lot better than that rotten dream sequence ep a few weeks ago.

One episode left, folks. Then what should I recap? Let me know in the comments or give me a shout on Twitter.