PERSPECTIVES of a NICE OLD MAN: How I Am Defeating Alcoholism - Part 2

PERSPECTIVES OF A NICE OLD MAN: How I am Defeating Alcoholism

This is the second installment [the first was posted July 24, 2008] of my writing on the subject of defeating alcoholism - a very sneaky mental and physical disease. The good thing about some of my other diseases - like measles, mumps or chicken pox - is their obviousness where the signals are suddenly and undeniably there for all to see and to believe and to act upon.

My alcoholism, on the other hand, borders on the mysterious with a perfectly innocent first drink and then more drinks until the disease gradually stole the choice that normal people have to drink or not to drink and became for me an uncontrollable habit. Another difference is that alcoholism often lacks visibility. Many people who were well known to me remarked that they were clueless and surprised when they learned the truth about me.

Well, the truth is that nobody was any more surprised than I was. And that brings up what is probably the most dangerous aspect of this awful disease. It is called "DENIAL!" - as in telling your doctor she/he is nuts and those chicken pox marks or that bone sticking out of your arm are just decorations. The thinking goes something like, "there is no way I am an alcoholic. Everybody drinks. I am an honest, well educated Christian gentleman, an achiever in my profession, a loving spouse and parent and a provider for my family

There was a time in the early part of my recovery when I was silently angry with people - parents, friends, family ... because no one told me the truth about myself. Now, that is crazy! It can be said right here that alcoholics in general are consummate professionals in the business of blame shifting and people manipulation.

That brings me to the mental side of things and the fact that a really bad part of mental illness [which I call being crazy] is its obscurity. It was over a year after the onset of my recovery before any awareness about the mental part of my illness stared to develop.

You could drive yourself crazy trying to define and maybe even crazier trying to reach agreement with other folks about a definition for mental illness. My personal definition is untimely and/or excessive feelings of common, everyday emotions like being angry, envious, critical, and the list goes on. I came to realize that my level of experience was inappropriate and unhealthy. Now, I am acutely aware of and self programmed to avoid these emotions as being destructive and potentially fatal - really fatal.

It is perfectly possible to host the incurable disease of alcoholism without awareness of its presence, and it is more than a little bit likely that we take a while to acknowledge its presence after we suspect or even know it is there. My intent is to continue writing about my experience - twenty-five years of destructive drinking and thirty-eight years of successful recovery - hoping to enable you or someone you love to avoid self destruction.
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