Peyton Manning Rumors Swirling at Nauseating Rate

Welcome to the latest and greatest NFL-themed amusement park ride: the Peyton Manning roller coaster. It's guaranteed to send your stomach up into your throat faster than the Indianapolis zip line at Super Bowl XLVI. Where it stops, nobody knows.

Here in the heart of Indianapolis Colts country, all eyes are on Manning's neck and throwing arm. March 8 looms less than a month away as the magic date for the Colts to pay Manning his enormous bonus or cut him loose, and speculation is rampant--and all over the map--about what's going to happen on that day and beyond.

Peyton's Health

So how is Peyton doing? He's struggling to recover, Peter King told ProFootballTalk.com. No, I'm not, Manning said two days later, I'm right on schedule.

ESPN's Chris Mortenson reported on Feb. 2 that Manning received medical clearance to resume his football career. No he didn't, responded Irsay the next day. Yes he did, Manning's doctor said. Well, maybe his personal doctor cleared him, but the team hasn't, if you're going with Paula Duffy's report.

According to Indianapolis Star reporter Bob Kravitz, Manning's neck isn't as much of an issue as his arm, which is "a noodle," and that he "can't throw like an NFL quarterback."

Peyton's Future

Colts owner Jim Irsay made the decision on what to do about Manning weeks ago, according to NFL.com's Jason LaCanfora on Jan. 28. Or not, if you go with Irsay's tweet on Jan. 29.

He'll definitely be retiring, according to Jeff McLane of the Philadelphia Inquirer and Jason Cole of Yahoo! Sports on Jan. 30. Or not, if you believe Manning himself on Feb. 1.

Everyone that Mike Freeman of CBSSports.com talks to says that Manning will sign with the Washington Redskins in 2012. Howard Eskin of 94 WIP in Philadelphia agrees, and he's spoken with two people "close to the Mannings." What a horrific idea, countered former Redskins quarterback Joe Theismann while on 106.7 The Fan with Mike Wise and Holden Kushner.

No, he's going to the Miami Dolphins, says ESPN's Adam Schefter. A source with the Dolphins told Armando Saiguero of the Miami Herald that Manning and his wife own a condominium on South Beach, that Manning has said several times over his career that he loves Miami, and his wife is fond of the area, too. Sources tell Omar Kelly of the Sun Sentinel the same thing.

Hold the phone, says the Arizona Republic, Manning may suit up for the Arizona Cardinals. Well, maybe not, the paper reported a week later. Well, maybe so, wrote Lisa Naujokaitis of Arizona Sports on Feb. 7. After all, the Cardinals have an indoor stadium, and Manning likes to play in the air conditioning. Plus, Arizona just hired Manning's former quarterbacks coach, Frank Reich. That's got to mean something, right? Now if only the Cards can figure a way around this whole Kevin Kolb thing that has them up to their necks in salary cap issues.

Don't count out the Seattle Seahawks, says Dave Boling of the News Tribune in Tacoma, Wash.

Maybe the Kansas City Chiefs, too, wonders Gene Morris of KCCommunityNews.com.

Mark Sanchez is probably looking over his shoulder because the New York Jets could be a landing spot for Manning.

How about the San Francisco 49ers? The NFL's newest Head Coach of the Year, Jim Harbaugh, has already put that rumor to rest by proclaiming Alex Smith the quarterback of the Niners' future.

It's gotten so ridiculous that bets can now be placed on what Manning will do.

March 8, Get Here Soon

Out of all of this noise, what is painfully clear is that nobody has a clue about the status of Manning's health or where he'll end up in 2012. Everyone who is truly in the know about his medical situation has to already have a pretty darn good idea about whether or not he'll be healthy by March 8. I seriously doubt he's going to be touched by an angel between now and then. He's either healthy now, or he's not.

But no one's saying. On both sides of the tiff, it's a big public game of chicken, chest-puffing, and playing for sympathy from the masses. It's almost as bad in Indianapolis right now as it gets everywhere else during a presidential election--the politicking, the mud-slinging, the ad nauseam discussion and debate. You can't turn on the local news or pick up the local newspaper without hearing or seeing something about Peyton Manning and/or Jim Irsay, and I'm really sick of it.

I, for one, cannot wait for March 8 to get here.

At this point, anything that comes out of Manning's or Irsay's mouth directly has to be taken with a huge grain of salt, given the politics of this delicate situation and Manning's recent history of hoarding the spotlight--quite deliberately, in my humble opinion, in an effort to put pressure on Irsay and, perhaps, to make him look like a chump in the public eye--from news of Chuck Pagano's hiring as head coach, as well as from the focus on Super Bowl XLVI and younger brother Eli Manning in Indianapolis.

No one, then, is going to get a straight answer about anything involving this situation. Speculation about Manning's future is fueled only by "unnamed sources" and "sources close to the Mannings" and "sources close to Peyton" and "sources familiar with the situation." We have no idea just how "close" or "familiar" these anonymous sources really are or if there's any reason on this planet to believe them.

I suppose I could cite an "unnamed source close to Manning" in a six-degrees-of-Kevin-Bacon kind of way and speculate that Manning is going to suit up for the Duke football team next season.

After all, he was just seen working out with them, so it must be true, right?

The author is a resident of central Indiana and a longtime Colts fan. He's also a Featured Contributor in Sports for the Yahoo! Contributor Network. You can follow him on Twitter at @RedZoneWriting and on Facebook.

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