Philz Coffee Van Ness in San Francisco, California: A Review

Philz Coffee began as a little place in the Mission serving up various blended coffees and quickly became one of the San Francisco "foodie spots" that everyone buzzes about and goes to stand in line to try. Apparently over the past year or two, they've been engaging in aggressive expansion and now have become something of a mini-chain in the city, as they've very recently opened up an outlet along Van Ness not far from City Hall and the Civic Center.

I've never tried any of their coffee before but I was curious based on the reputation. That curiosity was quickly quashed when I walked in the door of this location and saw that the cheapest possible coffee in a small size cost $3 and the prices went up from their. If I had been alone the trip would have ended with a "F* this overpriced yuppie s*" mumbled under my breath and a quick spin of the heel out the door. However the Lady Friend happened to be along and she simply haaaaaaaaaaaad to try this wonderful coffee blend infusion or WTF ever that everyone won't shut up about, regardless if we spent more than we did on a solid breakfast.

Aside from the extreme pricing, the biggest problem here is that you really can't just seem to get a normal black coffee. They have all these "specialty" drinks that are a blend of coffee and various other flavors. There's two major problems with this. The first is that they have embarrassing names. I am a grown-ass heterosexual man and I do not need to be ordering a "Tantalizing Turkish", thanks. Call me old-fashioned but I just don't care for being expected to say something like that. I ended up ordering the Jacob's Blend just because it sounded the least stupid of all the possible options. It really didn't matter, because - and here's the second problem - they don't bother listing what is actually in each blend on the menu, just the lame marketing-speak name and the ridiculous prices. For the scoop on what each blend actually contains, you have to ask the barista, which leads to two further problems - the standard-issue Sneering San Francisco Barista Attitude (SSFBA for short), and the long-ass line of grumpy office workers behind you getting all antsy and grousy.

They do offer free WiFi but the interior is a little small and I didn't notice outlets at every seat. The coffee was alright, but I know at least a little something at this point about good coffee, and I'm left wondering what they possibly do with it to justify charging $3 to $4.50 per cup short of bopping over to Polk Street and picking up some crack to dust into it. I strongly suspect it's just another case of "prestige pricing" - well-off San Franciscans, who are either rich or have high salaries, pay the premium just to be reminded that they are Special and Privileged and part of the Better Class.

I do note that they brew by the cup and don't crank it out of a machine. I don't question that this is good quality coffee, here, but there's an upper limit to coffee pricing and I feel they've busted right the hell through it and just kept on barreling onward without actually offering something that is of equal value. I get the feeling that the hustle here is just that they caffeinate it more than usual and get people so high they think that it's the greatest beverage they ever drank thanks to the superstimulus. It is good, yeah. If you're affluent or on one of those fat city salaries that are killing our budget, by all means, throw your money away on whatever, you won't be disappointed by the quality. If the belt is a little tighter, though, you can safely skip this place. You aren't missing anything extraordinary.