Physical / Emotional Problems and 24/7 Lifestyle Slavery!

In over 15 Years in this my chosen lifestyle, on both sides of the fence, I have seen and heard a lot of things that have curdled my blood and made me want to run and hide. I have also experienced things that I would hope never to have to go through again. From my own personal experiences, allow me to tackle this rather delicate subject and bring a little enlightenment to what BDSM really is in a 24/7 Lifestyle setting and to courage all those that have to deal with this.

When you first enter this lifestyle and are in good and proper healthy condition, you don't think about what can happen to you down the line. The world is wide open and your desires and that of your Partners are you Oyster to play in. Then things strike and suddenly life no longer seems so rosy. Either you loose your job, get ill or suddenly realize that certain aspects of your slavery are no longer ok with you. You may find your-self panic stricken at a minor order. You may suddenly be overcome with fear where beforehand you where able to go through things with a happy heart and submitted soul.

Let us first tackle emotional problems, since those are the ones hardest to explain and deal with. No matter what lifestyle you are in, when emotional problems manifest it is devastating. Emotions can not be controlled or explained. They are at best irrational and at worst life altering. After 4 Years into slavery to my Owner, I suddenly developed a real problem with bondage to the point that the mere sight of a rope would make me pass out. Nothing before hand had been an indicator that there were any problems brewing. It literally seemed to happen from one minute to the next. There would be times when I could handle mild bondage and then suddenly out of the blue I would start panicking and plead, beg and everything else to be let go. I was in mortal anguish. The worst part of it all is that bondage used to be one of my all time favorite things to do and it is the top of my Owners enjoyments. If we hadn't been in such a longtime relationship already at this point or actual Lifestylers this would have easily ended in my dismissal. Believe me the subject came up more then once. To my beloved and honored Owner, it appeared and still does at times as if I am faking it. I can however assure you that this is not the case.

So what had happened around the same time as this development and why did it not go back to normal after a certain amount of time?
In my everyday life in which we all still have to function, I was embroiled in a legal battle that is still not finished and may never be. I lost 2 of my 3 remaining children. Not legally, but they decided that they would rather live where no rules were applied. One choose right before her 16^th birthday to go live with the Parents of my Ex-husband and whom she had just met for the first time less then a year before that. My son decided to move out of state with his Father. My Children had been my life before that happened and suddenly I was loosing all control. The legal battle made it impossible for me to do anything about it and I was literally becoming a slave to the real world. I could no longer handle any kind of pressure. You may find it difficult to believe, but in my household the children are governed by very strict and loving parental rules. My Master is their Step Dad and takes his responsibilities as Daddy extremely serious. He is also very protective over them as am I.

I started developing signs of heart-attacks and would sooner or later pass out for no reason at all. I had to stop driving completely, because I would never know when such an attack may happen. I will not put someone else in danger. At this point, I can not even own a Drivers license.
On a stunt in the Hospital, they checked my heart, my brain and my blood. It all came back normal and my Owner was convinced that I was just pretending. I would sit in pain in front of him and he wouldn't do a thing to help believing me to be false in my pain and also no longer being interested in my dramatic actions. Yes, I would and still do cry uncontrollably and swear I am having a heart attack when it happens. It truly feels that way to me and no matter what I can not stop it. As of late I even loose my ability to move or breathe when they strike. Those are no longer only during playtime, but even at times when I am completely alone.

So what did that do to me, as the slave, it made me worry even more, adding further stress to my already stressed out mind. Now I would have to worry that he wouldn't stop when I needed him to, because he did not believe me. It was a devils circle. Horrible to say the least.
Finally, I was diagnosed with Anxiety and Panic Attacks as well as with Vertigo. Those words mean very little to anyone but the person going through this. I can assure you that it is hell to live this way. I can not take medicine for it, because I can not afford to do so.

With all this pressure, my attitude got steadily worst too. Like all women, I needed a strong shoulder, but here it was my job to provide. My Owner had lost his former slave to diabetes less then a year before he met me. As you see, he had and has his own emotional problems to deal with. Yes, that is all part of lifestyle. You have to learn to adjust to each other. Now a couple of Years after it first happened, my slavery by necessity often excludes playtime and is more the service that I can provide him in my actions then in my pleasure. I make certain that his needs are met and that I serve him with an absolute devotion seldom found in anyone.

A Note to all the dominants out there. If your slave goes through a similar situation be assured that he or she suffers greatly. I sit in front of my Play Bag almost daily when he isn't looking. Fingering my cuffs and collar that I can not wear all the time, because of the attacks. I look with longing to the ropes and leather bindings that hold me on those very rare occasions. I am one of the very lucky ones that have an Owner, who is faithfully devoted to me. He has as of yet to replace me, but I fear this every day. This fear often makes me show signs of jealousy and at other times cause me to pull away in anguish to avoid the pain. Due to my training it is not acceptable for me to indicate when I can handle the binding, but must be available at his pleasure. This is just proper and correct as property. But it cuts even the smallest playtime out for me and has often been the cause of his displeasure in me, since I forget and try anyway to have a little of his "love" he is so good at providing. I can however not blame him for rejecting my requests, it is not in my right and I am horrible for asking. I have been blessed with One so patient with me as him. But my price has also been high to pay. I now suffer alone and can not really bring it to him any longer. An unspoken rule has appeared. He will no longer require of me what I can no longer give fully, and I in turn must keep the pain and anguish to my self and deal with it on my own.

A Note to all the slaves out there. Your Master or Mistress too suffers with this. They are now greatly handicapped in what they can or can not do. Some, like my Master, are very stuck in their own ways and can not become flexible. This strictness of character has made them the worthy God or Goddess to begin with and now is a curse for both of you. Never forget that the suffering is in both courts. Yes, certainly they can take your needs first and probably do in many areas, but to go to deeply into you, would make them lose their dominance.

The point is that in lifestyle you have to work around the problems, often are forced to loose a large part of the Area you once played with. Of course on the positive side of it and there always must be one, I have started giving a lot more in other areas I would have normally not even considered. I started taking larger amount of pain and have learned to turn them into exquisite pleasure. My Master is a Sadist and for that reason it worked. I never thought myself to be a masochist, but found out that indeed I am.
I have become driven to excel in areas that usually would not have enticed me. It has also spurned me on to write Articles like this one to give my knowledge to others.

Medical problems, physical problems and age all can handicap the "play aspect" of BDSM Lifestyle M/s relationships. When those happen, what will you do? Drop your Partner? Hardly if you are committed to each other.
My Owner saw his former slave through hell and held her in his love until the day she died. My honored "sister" in service is up to this day an example to me as to what a perfect slave should be like.

He has a devotion to his Property that is unrivaled by others and for that reason, even if I was to ever be let go, could never remain a slave. I am owned by only one and none other will ever be as worthy to take his place. I am by nature extremely assertive and he was the one that bested me in all areas.

The loss of a slave can wreck havoc inside a Person. There are things he no longer can do or no longer mean anything to him. He now has to live his life in a constant state of "so what", or would perish inside. When problems arise in an M/s Relationship, it is even more difficult to deal with then in a vanilla Relationship, but due to the nature of such a Relationship will more and likely be handled with a lot more honesty.

Remember too that no matter happens to the slave, the dominant is affected as well. I have steadily watched my Master get more and more tired daily. I live with the guilt of robbing him of his enjoyments. Often, between working a job he hates by now and having to deal with my problems, it is amazing that he hasn't kicked me out.

I hear Vanilla People condemning us BDSM Lifestylers, but I do not see this level of devotion in many. Real lifestyle is exactly that, a level of devotion to each other that is unbreakable by any circumstance. It is a drive on both sides to succeed when all others fail. It is a NEED, to be there regardless of the mental, physical or emotional circumstances in your life.

BDSM is not about whips, chains, cuffs, collars, rope, humiliation and more. Those are only a part of it, a very pleasurable part and if it is working well a very fun part, but it is only one Area of it. There will come a time in your life, when you will naturally no longer be able to swing that whip or flogger due to strength and eyesight, when you will no longer be able to be bound or bind due to age and flexibility, will no longer be able to gain an erection or retain due to age, stress or tiredness. You may no longer have the same interest in certain things.
The real M/s Lifestyle is about service. It is about complete devotion to EACH OTHER. Yes, I mean from slave to dominant and reversed. It is about honesty, respect, integrity and all those principals the world has largely lost.

When my Owner comes home, I will kneel to take his shoes from him, hand him coffee and listen to his day. I am interested in his life, in his daily trails. I take supreme pride in his accomplishments and his talents. I am nothing without him. I take a stance by his side and when he permits it, will fight the world on his behalf. I am his slave, his pet, his lover, his confidant, his wife, his plaything. I live to please him even on days when I would rather curl up and die. Believe it or not, I live for him. I haven't given up, because of him and there are days when I no longer want to fight this fight and just lay it down. But I have been sworn to protect his property as his slave, and I am part of all he owns.

When I was in the hospital with those signs and he was at home, I was going insane because I was not there to cook his meals, to wash his clothe and Satan forbid bring him Coffee. Not that he was unable to do these things for himself, he is, but because those are my slavery. My job! My pleasure! MINE!!!!

What happens in a 24/7 Lifestyle M/s relationship when real life takes its toll? It grows even stronger! It will bring out the best and worst in each Partner and if it is a true lifestyle Couple they will band together against the World like nothing you have ever seen.

I am not the slave my Owner hoped for nor am I the type of slave I yearn to be. But I am a true slave, through and through who breathes her slavery on a daily basis. I have started to do things with my Owners permission that I have laid down a long time ago, to help provide now that I am jobless and have to make my money from freelancing. It isn't easy and it is only possible, because even in this I serve my Owner. You see again, in a Lifestyle M/s Relationship - SERVICE- is the first priority. Nothing else is as important as that full devotion to ones Master or Mistress. To put their needs ahead of yours up to and including to leave their presence when your pain would disturb their rest.

I do feel however the strong need here to interject a word of wisdom to all the newbies in this lifestyle. No matter what you do, never let your intelligence be taken away. Service is not about blindly following the Rules to the point of getting hurt. A true Master / Mistress would never require of you a deed that would bring harm to you. Neither physically nor mentally. When they place their desire before your welfare, then you need to get out. Service is done intelligently and with the fullest of understanding of what you provide. When you are pushed and forced to do things, you have not agreed upon then you need to seek help and get away.

BDSM has a bad name, due to stupidity and play acting. Due to cyber idiots that can not distinguish between what is real and fake. Due to Tyrants and Bitches that have lost the ability to Rule wisely. Due to us hiding in the Shadows for fear of prosecution from the world. Instead we allow others to get hurt due to our silence. My illness has made me speak out even more. I am blessed and lucky beyond compare that I have such a wonderful Owner. However, if he wasn't I would get out. I put my nose out for all to see, my Owner and I educate wherever we go. We live this life out in the open for all to see, as an example what M/s - BDSM Lifestyle slavery - is really about and not that which you hear on the news, in the tabloids, in fake fantasy Porno Movies and Photosets.

Please, please, please be aware of what is real and what isn't. I beg you, to think before you act and if you have any of these problems, my dear brothers and sisters in service all over the world, don't condemn your-selves, don't feel guilty, and don't give up. Get help, return to the basics and serve the best you CAN!

And to the Law Makers. Even in the political field there are more BDSM Folks then any of you have an idea about. Making it impossible for those of us that are real to be in this lifestyle out in the open for fear of prosecution, will only serve to give those predators that are haunting our streets, cyber rooms, class rooms and more... a chance to hurt unsuspecting people. The less education you have, the more folks are bound to be hurt.
Why not make it possible for responsible People to educate and live as examples instead of being forced to hide in the shadow?