Physician Bullying

I don't believe any one of us has not felt bullied by, either our Primary Care doctor, or a specialist. I'm not talking about backyard neeners, or sandbox dirt slinging but the reluctance on the physicians part to listen, to communicate, to take time to understand and to talk through any, and all, patient concerns. Compassion is an attribute we all seek in our PC and specialty physicians. So termed good "bedside manner" by those of us older than 50. What is worrisome is when compassion is coupled with arrogance.

Allow me. I recently changed Primary Care physicians to a younger PC that I felt, from observing how other family members were being treated by him, would take a more aggressive stance in regard to my 8^th wonder of the medical world condition. My first visit went smoothly. I was greeted warmly and I felt I was being "listened" to as well as being acknowledged as a person. This was all new to me. I'd always had an adverse reaction to "younger" doctors and preferred old schooled, homely docs. I'm sure there's a psychologist out there somewhere that would have a field day with my desired preference. At any rate, I returned to my new, same age as my kids, PC for a second visit soon after the first. I hadn't smelled anything unusual prior to entering, or within, the examining room, nor had I been made aware of any lunar changes that day. All of which I'm sure would have had been acceptable reasons for the intensity of that days meeting.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm my strongest advocate when it comes to my medical concerns, possibly to the point of being a bit intimidating. I find this to be a necessity in the medical diorama of today's world. During my visit I was expressing to my new lost some weight, feeling a bit cocky about his new self, younger PC that one of my strongest desires was to be able to enjoy more things with my husband. To be able to take walks, dance, enjoy a vacation etc., without less pain. With what appeared to be without thought this young man made the following comment, "Well, if you didn't lie around in bed all day you'd be able to enjoy life more." I'm positive that lady luck was on his side considering life in prison for murder by deadly eyes was not on my to-do list. For the first time in my life I kept my mouth shut. A difficult task for me but one that I felt my husband, the silent participant in this adventure, should not have to deal with.

One has to sit and wonder how, after two brief visits, anyone could possibly determine a lifestyle that has never been presented to them over the course of any office visit let alone state it aloud. Bad day? Didn't get his run in? Forget that morning amphetamine? Had that been one of my kids I'd have slapped them upside their head. But I was taught to respect others despite my bleeding tongue. Unfortunately, I expect the same.

I appreciate fact that this young man decided to take the road to becoming what I have so coined a "referralist" I really do. I appreciate the fact that this young man, or his parents, spent a good deal of money getting him where he is today. I appreciate the fact that this young man may know a little bit more than me in regard to the medical field even though he doesn't know me as well as I do. What I don't appreciate is his arrogance in thinking he does. Perhaps he missed Social Skills 101, or, perhaps there was an extra tuition fee in order to take the class. What he won't miss, nor be charged for, is my chance to un-bite my tongue and insist on an apology at my next visit.

In my ever so brief lifetime, I've run 3 successful businesses and am currently the founder and CEO of my, own personal baby, the American Association of Seniors & Disabled whose mission is to provide aid, support and guidance to the elderly and the disabled. I've raised two children, both with an inordinate amount of respect for others and am currently caretaker for my 83 yr. old live in Mom. I'm up at 4 am every morning and I work until 7 pm at night. I write, I design and I sculpt. I've had 56 yrs of life experience that could turn a dead man's toes upward. All of which, I am currently doing while battling an unknown debilitating disease. I'll be long gone by the time this kid catches up to me if, in fact, he does. But you can place your bets on the horse with the gold saddle that this little lady is going to place first at the next referralist visit.

Friends, be your own advocate for your medical care, it's your right. Ask questions, it's your right. Disagree with your PC if you have an alternative suggestion, it's your right. Question your PC's decisions if you feel the need, it's your right. Make your PC aware of your concerns and remove the limits for his time spent with you, it's your right. Lastly, insist on the same respect you so deserve as a human being that your PC does in being the same, it's your right. If none of the above can be accomplished, seek out a PC in which it can be. It's your right.