Pie for Valentine's Day

Pie is the way to go to sweeten up Valentine's Day. Not only are pies tasty items, they can be really inexpensive, too. Yet, they have loads of charm, and you can just picture either a debonair European presenting a mocha pie to royalty, or a nerdy geek handing over a key lime pie to his loved one, or grandma giving you an entire pie just for yourself. You cannot go wrong with pie.

And, pies are not too personal a gift -- unlike the heart boxes filled with chocolates, which can seem too romantic in some situations. Perhaps you want to give a coworker something nice for Valentine's Day. The heart box is too much. Pie is just the thing.

It's easy to make a pie. I will talk you through making a pie, if you are new to the pie world.

One type of pie is really especially easy to make, and it's cheap, too. In fact, if you stay away from blueberries and nuts, most pies are inexpensive.

Some might say I am going to merely assemble a pie. That could be a correct statement. However, if it is assembled by you, then I think you can safely and truthfully assert that you "made it yourself."

Your First Step:
First, get a frozen pie shell that is already in a pie plate. They are in the freezer section of the grocery store. Get a good brand, because you want the crust to be the best kind, or else the whole pie can be sort of compromised taste-wise. Do NOT get a graham-cracker crust of any sort. Those are for amateurs. Get the pie shells in a 2-pack, which is how they are usually sold. I wouldn't worry about getting a deep dish one, just get whatever.

Now pick what kind of pie you plan to make. Take into account the person who is going to get the pie. Also, if you have any chance of getting a piece of pie yourself, consider what you like.

Decide now: Frozen Whippy Pie, or Milk Chocolate Pie. EITHER ONE is good for those who do not eat meats, but they are not suitable for vegans. Vegans lose out on a lot of good pies.

Frozen Whippy Pie

1 container non-dairy whipped topping, or 1 cup heavy cream to whip yourself with an electric beater. The non-dairy stuff is easier to use, but I think the whipped cream sits on the stomach better. If you can eat the whipped non-dairy stuff, go right ahead.

3 containers of individual-sized yogurts (traditional yogurts), whatever flavor you like. I think raspberry is really good to use.

Blueberry is great for the blueberry taste without the expense of a whole can of them.

The frozen pie crust.

To Make:

Take the pie crust and put it in a preheated oven at the temperature it says to use on the package. The pie shell is EMPTY at this point. DO NOT stick holes in the bottom!

Let it get a little tan, not a dark brown on the top edges, just tan. REMOVE and COOL.

Now get your whipped cream and pour it into a medium bowl. Deep is better than wide. Don't use too small a bowl, because it will expand.

Use your electric beater on high until the cream is whipped and stiff. If you are using the frozen whipped stuff, just thaw it before using.

Now, add in the yogurt to the whipped cream. Mix it good.

You may have way too much to put into the crust. Just fill up the crust, put the rest in a bowl. Put it into the freezer and eat it later, like with cookies.

Put the pie in the freezer. Cover it with a plastic produce bag or a piece of plastic wrap so it doesn't pick up bad flavors.

Take it to your friend. You can thaw the pie, or just eat it frozen. I like it frozen. If you can get ahold of a little johnny-jump-up or pansy flower, put it on the pie, but don't eat the blossom itself.

Now, the Milk Chocolate Pie

This is more complex but still easy.

Take your pie crust and cook it, empty. See above under Whippy Pie for details.

Get filling ready:

1 regular-sized chocolate bar, such as a Hershey bar or a Dove one. I like the Dove but some people really like Hersheys. Hersheys tastes "hot" to me but Dove seems smooth. If you are in love with a health-nut, use a bar of the spendy organic chocolate.

2 and 1/4 cups milk, with the 1/4 part put in a glass or cup to the side.

Pinch salt, 2 tablespoons flour, and 2 tablespoons cornstarch mixed together in a bowl, set aside

2 egg YOLKS

Canned whipped cream that you can spray out (optional)

Easy way to separate egg yolk from whites: Crack the egg pretty hard and open it up over a bowl. Do the other egg. With your washed hands, fish the egg yolks out gently, letting the whites drip down between and around your fingers. Give the yolk a shake if you must, but don't bust it. Pull the whites off of it, too, but again, don't get violent on the yolk.

Pre-Make a garnish: Take a knife or a vegetable peeler and peel yourself a few curls of chocolate for a garnish from the chocolate bar, if desired.

Chop up or grate the chocolate bar. You can also take one heaping teaspoon out for a garnish to sprinkle on top later.

Get the milk and put it in a saucepan.

Scald it.

Scalding means you get it very hot but don't let it boil. Stir it around, get it hot, KEEP STIRRING but DON'T LET IT BOIL MY DEARS. If it makes a skin on top, you got it too hot! So fish it out and throw it away. When I was little I was forced to EAT the horrible milk-skin. *shudder*

Is your spoon dragging while you stir? IT IS TOO HOT then, or the pan is too thin, or both! Turn down the heat and try to get yourself a nice thick-bottomed pan next time! You are just trying to get it hot enough to melt the chocolate!!!

Scalding helps the milk to thicken later on, but this is just barely any help if you're using pasteurized milk nowadays. JUST GET IT HOT enough to melt the chocolate you'll but putting into it.

Turn the heat down quite a bit and stir in the chocolate right away, stirring till it melts.

Now take the 1/4 cup milk you have from being set aside earlier, and mix into it the dry mixture (flour/cornstarch). Mix it smooth.

Add it to the hot milk mixture and mix it in very well, stirring it well.

With a ladle or cup, take some of the hot milk mixture and put it in with the yolks. Stir together. Now take the yolk mixture and slowly add it to the hot mixture. What you are doing is making sure it doesn't cook into yolky lumps, but is mixed in and then cooked.

Cook it until it is thickened. It won't be real thick at this point.

Add in the pat of butter and mix. Let it cool down to room temp.

Now pour it into the crust.

Put it in the fridge to chill.

Spray some of the whipped cream on it before serving or presenting. Put the chocolate curls on it, too.

More About Pies
There are lots of nice pies you can make for those you love. There are good pie fillings right in a can already that you can buy, like lemon and blueberry and peach, not to mention apple. Unbelievably, I found a very famous brand of lemon pie filling for only $1 at a dollar store. You can "doctor" the lemon filling with a squeeze from a tiny key lime, and grate some of the zest into it, and make a first-rate pie really quickly. Just cook the crust first like I told you, spoon in the filling, add some meringue on top, and bake a really short time until meringue is browned. Easy meringue: 2 egg whites, 1/2 cup sugar, whip the heck out of the egg whites first with your electric mixer, when they start getting white, add in the sugar, whip more until it is thick and you can spread it on top of pie filling, put in oven at maybe 375, keep your eye on it, pull out when the meringue is browning. People like to say meringue is hard to make but it isn't. The trick is to give the pie IMMEDIATELY to your loved one or the meringue can get sort of sorry-looking.

Tricky Pie Trick: For a pie like apple or blueberry, which is baked with a top crust, and does NOT have a pre-baked bottom crust,: Use one of the 2-pack pie crusts as a crust. Get the other pie crust out of the piepan (let it thaw to do this) and cut out little hearts with a cookie cutter, or cut strips out of it. Now you can lay these strips or hearts over a filling like blueberry, blackberry, or apple, and have a 2-crust pie with no worries.

Nothing says love like PIE.