Piling On: Another George W. Bush is an Idiot Article

No doubt about it; George W. Bush has lowered the bar considerably for future Presidents of the United States. Here is a list of a few individuals I believe would be better leaders than the current knucklehead in Washington.

Henry, the mildly retarded bagger at the grocery store

I always give Henry a smile and say "thank you" whenever he completes the challenging task of bagging my groceries. I watch Henry closely, the wheels turning in his head, as he tries to decide whether or not to throw the large can of green beans in the same bag with the loaf of bread, which is already heavily imprinted with the shape of his fingers and buried beneath three cans of creamed corn. It's OK because I know that Henry works hard and does his best. I also know that Henry is a gentle person who would never intentionally start a war to satisfy a personal agenda. For that reason alone, I think he would be a marked improvement over the nitwit currently occupying the Oval Office.

Heath Ledger

Yeah, I know he's dead and I also know that he isn't an American, so he wouldn't even be eligible. But dead men rarely make up shit in order to start wars, so I think its time we change the Constitution to allow dead guys from Australia to be president.

The cavemen from those annoying Geico commercials

Their sitcom was such a heap of crap that it was cancelled after just a few scintillating episodes. So these guys are looking for a gig and any one of them will do. I'm sure whichever of the three was handed the reins would do a fine job and I'm quite confident he would find Bin Laden. After all, who would be better qualified to smoke them out of their caves?

Forrest Gump

I hear what you're saying: "Hey stupid, Forrest Gump is a fictional character!" I realize that, but I'm thinking if we pay him enough, Tom Hanks would be happy to live in the White House as Forrest Gump. And what's not to like about him? Gump may be as dumb as a box of rocks, but he also has integrity, is caring and he is a war hero. Of course, those wonderful Swiftboat bastards would do their best to turn him into a Commie deserter.

Paula Abdul

Yes it's true; due to excessive alcohol consumption her brain is nothing more than a pile of goo. But she can dance and kind of sing and she always finds nice things to say about American Idol contestants who suck. After eight years of an administration that has been telling the rest of the world to get screwed, our country could use that kind of diplomacy.

Ron Jeremy

Studies have shown that wars are started by men who are insecure about the size of their penises. If that's true, the star of such adult films as "Hung Wankenstein" and "King Kong Dongs Volume 2" would undoubtedly be a candidate for the Nobel Peace Prize.

The Girls Next Door

I think we'd have to let all three of these young ladies serve as some kind of a presidential triumvirate because Holly, Bridget and Kendra combine for an IQ of about 38DD. They may not be real bright, but they would definitely give the U.S. the hottest looking leadership since Margaret Thatcher was shaking it for the Brits. Plus, Hef would be the First Gentleman! How cool would that be?

So there you have it, a list of individuals capable of doing a better job than President Stupid. A couple of mentally challenged fellows, some cavemen, three Playboy playmates, a brainless alcoholic, a porn star and a dead guy. Kind of sounds like congress.