Pink Packet Pickpocket

As he tore open pink packets and poured them over fresh cherries, my husband proclaimed the copy-cat pink-packet sweeteners less sweet than the real thing. "What do you expect? They were stolen," I said.

Pink packets for home

Okay, I admit it. I pick up pink packets of no-sugar sweeteners from restaurants and eateries. Yes, I take a supply home in my pocketbook, and yes, I pay for the meal or beverage that accompanied them. Maybe that makes it stealing, but nobody noticed that I used only one for now, reserving ten others for adding to my coffee, ahem, later.

A neighbor once caught me in the act. We dined together, and when the fine meal finished, he noticed the placement of several pink packets into my purse. "They have those in the grocery store," he reminded me. And I reminded him that there, they're not free.

Bad girls

I must reveal that the idea to do this wasn't mine. It was repeated observations of dieting gals like me pocketing the pink-packet commodity...obviously, of course, for use in their coffees later.

And it's only women who do this. Men would rather drop their pants in public than to be caught putting little pink packets into them.

Lure of the supply

Real justification for the taking arises from the packets being available for the taking. They're there. They're plentiful. They are made available for my use as a customer.

Nowhere does it forbid use on my cereal at home or my husband's bowl of naturally sweet cherries made unnecessarily sweeter with sweetener. Maybe there's a diabetic in my handbag. Besides, my sweet tooth accompanies me everywhere, and I'm addicted to dessert. The need for sweet is omnipresent.

Imitation vs. real pink packets

There's a problem, however, with some pilfered pink packets. No, it's not the threat of arrest or going to jail. It's the ridicule endured when discovered that pink-packet substitutes are sometimes obtained instead of the real thing!

The real thing is the branded sugar substitute. (You know what it is, but to protect my own unquestionable innocence, I decline to identify it in print.) It contains dextrose, saccharin, cream of tartar, and calcium silicate, an anti-caking agent.

The sugar-substitute substitute, on the other hand, contains dextrose, saccharin, and maltodextran, a moderately sweet, almost flavorless sweetener. No wonder it's lumpy and not very sweet.

Aha! This explains the decidedly 'less sweet' ridicule I endured from my man. I was admonished, not for pilfering pink packets but for grabbing the cheap brand! Well, excuse me, but the stuff appeared in the same pink packets as the real stuff does. Stopping to read the ingredients was impossible. Discretely stuffing ten packets into my designer bag was tough enough.

But, why?

I can endure the domestic ridicule and risk of arrest while dining out, but I cannot abide running out of sugar substitute at home. My stolen stash exists on the constant verge of extinction, giving more apropos meaning to the term as "sweet and low supply."

I have even found and frequent the venues that provide the real thing. While I got no more complaints at home about cheap imitations, I was told I would be on my own if I pilfered pink packets of any brand again.

Reformed

You should know that I've given up that despicable practice. I will continue to use the pink packets for coffee. This, because I refuse to gain back those 18 pounds of fat I lost on stolen sweeteners.

I will limit myself, however, to the one free pink packet I get with my daily $5.75 mocha latte with gobs of high-calorie real whipped cream. And, I'll break down and buy an economy box of the cheap stuff for home.