Pink Ribbons, Breast Cancer, and Common Sense

I'm watching the evening news, and just like I see at least once a year, here come the parade of women wearing pink 'find a cure' T-shirts and, as a bonus here are a group of men wearing pink 'find a cure' t shirts as well. The scene changes to a clip of 20 or so cars, all with those lovely pink magna-plast ribbons prominently displayed on fenders, doors, quarter panels, and trunk lids.

Well, I think I will begin this rant with the most basic question of all.

"Why?"

Don't misunderstand, I realize that all of this is supposed to help find a cure for breast cancer and G*d knows I am a huge fan of the breast.

But I really suspect that this may be one of those politically correct flavors of the month that have snowballed and grown completely out of control.

It seems that someone needs to give the world a reality check and I'm here to do it.

First of all I want to address all of the gentlemen who I just saw marching in their pink t-shirts with the ribbons so prominently displayed on them. There are a few things that you should know.

1. Dressing like a cross gendered circus freak and making a complete spectacle of yourself while being filmed for a national television news show does not get you closer to the sweet pink nirvana of getting laid than the guy who just writes a check.

2. Someone paid for the huge pink T-shirt that you are wearing, and will hopefully never wear again but will in fact sell at next years garage sale for a quarter or a dime, and what ever was paid to the T shirt manufacturer doesn't do anything at all to fight against the great enemy Cancer, who is striking virile, sexy, pert, young, high riding mammary glands like a thousand Nations of the Persian Empire destroying the Spartans.

3. I secretly suspect that cancer is cancer and if you are inflicted in the prostate, scrotum, bone marrow or brain it is all pretty much the same, with the same potential to kill or disfigure you. I will however admit that it is a stroke of genius to focus on the breast because a slogan like 'I'm against ball cancer', or 'let someone jamb their finger up your butt to fight prostate cancer' wouldn't be near as sexy, and the men wouldn't be near as excited about wearing the shirts.

4. When you place the magnetic ribbon on the paint of your car and allow it to ride along with you for any length of time, thinking that you are publicly proclaiming you sensitivity, what you are actually doing is forever altering the appearance of your car. It is in the nature of paint to fade as time goes by, the ultra violet rays of the sun alter the color of your car, and it is rarely noticeable as the fading is even and uniform on your vehicle. Unless of course you choose to deface you vehicle with one of these cheap and vain, 'find a cure', or 'support our troops' magna-plast accessories. Again, I want to remind the reader that I love breasts, they are one of my favorite things but honestly the depreciation of my car from 500 to 1000 dollars when I go to trade it in doesn't save one single pert, firm, enticing little tittie.

In closing charity should be about giving, it should be about contributing to a cause that you actually believe in, it should not be about getting on television, or getting laid, or your fifteen seconds of fame.

Charity is supposed to be about someone or something other than yourself, and when you corrupt it with stupidity and selfishness it begins to stink like day old tumors that have been recently pulled out of otherwise perfect breasts and left to dry in the sun.

Ultimately it is the charity that pays, because when people like me see the press coverage on the news we are not thinking to ourselves 'how nice we are closer to a cure' we are thinking 'what a bunch of retards and attention whores'.

One thing that I will do, and every one with the resources should do is write a check to the American Cancer Society and hope that they too care about cancer ridden breasts.

JS