Planning a Women's Retreat so Those with Chronic Illness Can Come

Nearly 1 in 2 people in the USA have a chronic illness and about 96% of it invisible. Are these women attending your church retreats? Many of them are suffering silently, depressed, isolated, and feeling very alone. Others are some of the wisest, calming, most spiritually beautiful women who will touch attendees at your retreat in ways no planned speaker can. But are any of them coming?

Rest Ministries, the largest Christian organization that serves the chronically ill, took a survey about attending retreats. Out of the twenty respondents, seventeen participate less since they have a chronic illness. When asked why, the responses were as follows:

Three said, "Accessibility issues (I know I can't easily get to and from different buildings at the retreat)"; 6 people reported, "The pain factor. It's just too draining"; 4 responded, "The unpredictable health issues"; and 10 said, "A combination of the above."

So, how could you encourage women with chronic illness to get involved in your church retreat?

1. When deciding upon your retreat location, ask a lot of questions about the center and promote the fact that you have this information before people even register.

For example, ask the retreat center personnel about factors such as: Are the hills steep? Are there carts available for transportation? How far are the rooms from the main meeting center? Is there seating available other then collapsible metal folding chairs? What about elevators? One woman shares, "I stopped going a year or so ago because the retreat planner does not tell you what is expected, or about walking, stairs, etc. They need to be more honest." Those with chronic illness typically look for retreat centers held in locations where little walking is necessary and preferably the ground is flat. Large homes or hotels are also good options. While it's easy for a retreat planner to assume that fifty yards is a "short walking distance," fifty steps may be exhausting for some people. So provide the actual distances on your promotional flyer. Don't just write "Rooms are a short walking distance from the main building."

2. Understand that women desire to go on retreats and socialize with others, but they must feel that the retreat planner understands that they will be on their own schedule

Margaret, who lives with a malignant brain tumor and uterine cancer says, "I don't attend because people don't want to understand or accept that sometimes I have to retreat from the 'retreat.' Sometimes I have to go back to my room and get some rest. Other people decide that I'm escaping from my problems, and demand that I participate in whatever event was planned. I'm not trying to be anti-social. I will participate when God enables me to do so; but at the same time, when God tells me to rest, I must rest despite what the [retreat] 'timetable' states." As a retreat planner you can help this by posting the retreat's schedule at least a week before the event on the church's web site.

3. When planning ice-breakers or fun games make sure there is something comfortable those with limited physical abilities can do if they choose

If they don't want to participate in the relay race of dressing in costumes, let them do their own thing. Debbie, who lives with chronic fatigue syndrome says, "Unfortunately, I've yet to find a retreat planner who understands that I do not participate--not because I'm being uncooperative, shy or anti-social--but because I simply cannot physically do so; the result is that I don't attend church retreats."

4. Don't gasp at all they pack

All women may have necessities that they pack to make their weekend more comfortable. But for those with chronic illness this may also include: different forms of bedding, cushions for chairs, special pillows, dozens of snacks, pain patches, shades to sleep, and a flashlight and a book to read if they can't sleep. They may bring special water, the biggest pill box of medication you've ever seen (don't comment), and maybe even a service dog (which she should have spoken to you about in advance).

5. Though you have good intentions with your suggestions, remember that she knows her body better than you do, and she's trying to plan for her best experience

Riding on the bus with everyone else, for example, may put her in a great deal of pain the entire weekend. So if she requests a ride in a car with a staff member, make that accommodation. If she puts on a headset to listen to music, don't take it personally that she isn't talking. She may need to rejuvenate so that she is able to socialize that evening. She also may need to eat. If she is diabetic, she will likely need to eat small snacks and meals throughout the weekend. Don't tell her, "Dinner it is in just thirty minutes, so please wait so you can eat with us."

6. Recognize that she's not being a prima donna; take her requests in stride

She isn't asking for the bottom bunk and bringing her bedding because she is the Princess and the Pea. She may have some required needs. For example, electricity is a medical requirement, not a wish, for women who use a CCAP machine for sleep apnea (2 women out of our responses of 20 use one). Refrigeration of medications may also be necessary, so don't tell her to just find an ice pack for her room. Her medication could be ruined so she may need access to a staff member who can get into the kitchen. Sheryl, who has chronic myofascial pain reminds us, "Make sure there are always chairs available for those who can't stand more than a couple of minutes." Don't assume just because you don't see a cane, means she is fine.

7. Realize that she may not want others to know about her illness

Anjuli, who has congenital myopathy (a form of Muscular Dystrophy) says, "Don't single me out!" and Marjorie agrees. "When an explanation is given in confidence, don't respond so much that everyone knows that I have a problem."

8. Have scholarships available

Financial constraints often hold many women with illness back from attending. Let them know costs may be covered.

9. Assign a person in charge of overseeing the necessities of those with chronic illness

The best person to choose may be your "healthiest" volunteer who has a chronic illness yourself, or a cancer survivor. This person would communicate with those who are attending and do the best they can to meet their needs and concerns. The women who responded to the Rest Ministries' survey still attend church retreats and typically approach the planner of the retreat before the event and discussed their health issues. But dozens of others who would like to attend simply assume that the church is unable to accommodate their needs, and they never ask if they might attend. Try to reach out to the women who assume they are unable to go. One way may be by putting a special line on your promotional flyer that says, "Do you live with chronic illness? Ask us about our special accommodations! We would love to see you there!"

Those who live with chronic illness are one of the most valuable gifts in our church that we often overlook. September 8-14, 2008 is National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week, sponsored by Rest Ministries, and it's the perfect time to take a second look at your ministry's priorities and who is missing out on being served. Don't forget that the joy in the Lord many ill people have is also contagious and your church is missing out on their influence. Get them involved today. In time, one of them may be your next retreat speaker.