Plastic Surgery -- Hollywood Style

I'm not sure what I want to do more: slap that Dr. 90120 guy upside his collagen-injected cheeks or pat him on the back. Why you ask? Well a little history is in order here:

If you've ever lived in Europe you may be familiar with SKY (www.sky.it) -- it's a pretty decent euro-cable package that finally made its way to Italy some time ago but that one that I've managed to resist getting for years. For one thing I would rather read a book than watch TV and for another I tend to fall asleep on the couch or the bed after about ten minutes of television. But wouldn't you know it -- I finally broke down and got it. In fact it wasn't so much for me as it was for my daughter. You know what hooked me? It wasn't movies or sports or the Fashion Channel or whatever. It was National Geographic and the History Channel. And the fact that my daughter can watch these programs in English if she wants to was just icing on the cake.

I had no idea just how many programs I was able to get with the basic SKY package. And although my daughter really enjoys National Geographic and Animal Planet, there's one show she likes a whole lot more: Dr. 91020. I'm sure you've seen it: the daily adventures of that perennially happy Beverly Hills plastic surgeon, who has probably handled more fake breasts than Hugh Hefner and whose perky blonde wife sweats over such heavyweight matters as whether or not their new mansion has the right color wall-paper. I'm not sure if this program is still on in the US. I was back in the States about a year ago and I think I caught this show at my hotel. But it seems to be pretty popular here and darn if my daughter didn't run across it while channel surfing one evening after her homework was done.

Now I need to point out that -- content aside -- my daughter does not live in a vacuum tube. If you ever get a chance to watch Italian television you know that that advertisers manage to stick a naked woman in everything from ads for bank loans to breakfast cereal. So seeing Dr. 90120 -- I'm not sure I remember if this guy even has a name -- manhandle women's breasts while he squeezes silicone pouches into them is not necessarily something that has a lot of shock value to it. Not in a culture (I'm talking Italy here) where the female breast is practically idolized and hailed as the next best thing to soccer and the Pope. Come to think of it -- there are probably plenty of Italians who'd prefer to watch a woman's breast rather than watch a soccer match. Or at the very least look at one while watching the other.

So my gut reaction -- and sorry but this is the parent in me rearing its ugly head -- was to put a "viewing lock" on the channel that airs Dr. 90120. SKY airs the show on a trimmed down version of "E" which has a lot of other "gems" on it like "The Girls of Playboy" and some other drek called "Sexy Carwash." I may tolerate my kid watching Dr. what's-his-name performing liposuction, but I don't need my daughter seeing Hugh Hefner and his three bimbo girlfriends stress over the rigors of a centerfold photo-shoot. And just in case you're smirking and wondering how 'ol Gar knows about these other programs -- it's because they are all promo'ed during the half hour that Dr. Toothy Smile takes to console a 22-year-old college student that her inner-self will be more in tune with her outer-self if her breast size increases by two.

Having said all that -- some good has actually come out of us (I say "us" because I'd rather we watch the show together if we're gonna watch it at all and that includes my wife) watching Dr. 90120 and his magic scalpels. It's given my wife and I an opportunity to at least try and reinforce to my daughter that all this plastic surgery is not necessary in many cases. I'm not saying some of these folks don't benefit. But it sure seems like a lot of Dr. Perky Cheek's (seriously, does this guy have a name?) patients are mighty young. The show has also sparked the curiosity in my daughter to do some research on the internet and see what's involved in becoming a plastic surgeon. She is impressed that Dr. Tummy Tuck looks so young and is so darn rich. Come to think of it -- I wonder about the same thing. Of course I also wonder if this guy doesn't have a small pee-pee or suffers from some other inferiority complex because in between breast implants Dr. 90120 is always shown breaking cement blocks with his bare hands or working on his Black Belt while seemingly ignoring his perky wife and small child.

Anyway, I guess there are worse things in life than becoming a rich plastic surgeon. But I'd like to see my daughter graduate high school first.

So like I said: do I pat this guy on the back or inject some collagen into the brains of the folks who thought up this show? I guess I'll have to tune in next week to find out.