Play Kingdom of Loathing Online

Now there's 3 reasons I don't play many PC games, and I bet the average reader will fall into at least 2 of them. First, my computer isn't that awesome. It's only about 2 years old but it's been a while since I could play a new game on my computer without it sending my computer into some sort of electronic aneurism. Second, I don't have a lot of money, so pleasure rarely is indulged, especially when it comes to dropping 30-50 dollars on a game I might get tired with before sunset. Lastly, even if I did have the money for something like that, I don't like paying for things I can get for free. All of these conditions lead me to search the internet for fun games that don't bog down my computer, but don't bog down my brain with mind numbingly bad gameplay. And trust me, I've had computer games put me in a bed for days on end, babbling jibberish with stupidity radiation poisoning. As you can tell, it happened recently.

When I first came to the Kingdom of Loathing website, I wasn't expecting much. The entire game has probably been drawn in paint, and it's all in black and white. But the childrens artwork style adds to the character of the game. Just choosing a class gives the player a small glimpse of the complete randomness of the game. I, for example, am a Turtle Tamer. The casual RPG players equivalent to the Warrior. One of my friends is a Disco Bandit (Thief), another is a Sauceror (Sorcerer? duh). There are other classes, all with equally silly names. And it gets better, every level you reach has another name. The charm of this game is in it's subtle, and not so subtle jokes. They have no shame in perpetuating the cliche, or going the sexually ominous way. It's all in good fun.

Everyday at midnight (EST) a player is given 40 turns. There are items you may equip that will give you more per day, but that's for you to find out. Also, eating food and drinking alcohol can give you more adventures. There is a limit to how much you can drink and eat per day. There is a clickable map that will bring you to everywhere you can go. There is a town with a market, clan halls, and other town type things. There is a plains, a woods, and even a mountain. They spare no expense. There is much more but if you are interested find out for yourself. Half of the fun is discovering how much is in this game. You never get stuck with nothing to do but the same monotonous game play trying to level up to a point where things can get fun. There are always different drinks to make, or foods to make. Combining items is probably the most fun part of the game.

Depending on your class, leveling up depends on gaining a certain number of points in 1 of 3 categories; Muscle, Mysticality, and Moxie. Muscle determines HP and how much damage you deal to enemies. Mysticality determines spell strength and level of MP. Moxie determines your ability to dodge enemy attacks. Adventuring increases these stats, and so does eating or drinking (as I said before). When you die, you stats are diminished a bit, as usual. So this game may be fun times but it isn't a knock over either.

You can have a familiar follow you into battle. Familiars aid you in battle by regenerating your HP or MP, or stealing meat (the games form of currency). They can also hurt the enemy, or confuse them. What makes these familiars fun is their randomness, and large library of them. I have a cocoabo, a chocolate version of the Final Fantasy Chocobo. I have a 20 pound mosquito, and a Ninja Pirate Robot Zombie. Yea you heard me, all of them in one. It's pretty righteous. This gives you an idea of the randomness, but what about the gameplay.

There are many quests that you can adventure with, some of which you have to discover, others are given to you by the council with every level you gain. Adventures get harder at a pace that makes the game not too easy but at a good pace so that things don't get boring. There is a mall system that makes buying items convenient, and you can even create your own store when you reach level 9. The accumulation of wealth is pivotal, as some mandatory items demand paying large sums of money. The game covers all RPG aspects, so everybody will have something that they find fun. Items that you find or gain when you win can be combined to form other items, some of which can only be attained this way. I don't want to be a spoiler, but I have made bean bag chairs, cottages, bartenders in a box, chefs in a box, and even beer goggles (hardy har). Food can be combined to make food that gives better stats when eaten, and drinks can be combined to make tasty mixed drinks.

Did I mention that one aspect of the game is about getting drunk? A player has the intial ability to gain up to 15 drunk points before being unable to adventure anymore. Various drinks give varying amounts of drunk points, but they also give you important stat points, and more adventures to have fun with. Getting drunk is an awesome way of gaining many more adventures, and your maximum drunk level is increasable. Cackaw!