Playgroups as a Support System for Stay-At-Home Mothers

Stay-at-home mothers have always been idealized as the perfect wives that sacrifice their professional lives to raise their children. By staying home they are giving up the chance to meet new people and to have an outlet to the world other than their family. Isolation and a sense of loneliness can result from the mother's putting aside their well being for the sake of taking care of their children. Playgroups give mothers an outlet to meet others that are in the same situation.

After the birth of my daughter in March 2005, I really started realizing that my other friends didn't have kids and really didn't want to hear about how many bowel movements that she had that day. It became harder and harder for me to talk to them which led those phone calls to stop. I live nine hours away from my mother and grandmother that am very close to so I only get to see them maybe one every two or three months. I was only able to talk to them on the phone. I see my husband everyday which is a source of social interaction, but the problem with that is that is I do I see him everyday. It's nothing interesting and new. It's easy to end up feeling like you are the only person on Earth some days.

My one outlet I still had was walking around Wal-Mart and using my daughter to attract the attention of people so they would stop and talk. Even it they were only there to say how cute she was. I was lucky enough that one of the people she stopped happened to be another stay-at-home mother. Another woman overheard us talking and we all realized we were stay-at-home mothers with no friends and no support. We decided to start a playgroup together so that we can have someone else to talk to that doesn't care if the main topic of conversation is which diapers really do hold more in.

Over the three observations that I held we have gained new mothers. It is amazing to see the difference of when they walk in the door nervous because maybe they have been out of the social scene for several months or even years. Then when they leave they are laughing and making plans to come back for the next meeting and the next time they will wear their sweat suits like everyone else instead of dressing in their best outfit. We have grown from three mothers to a group of eight and all of us met just doing our normal grocery shopping and talking to random strangers out of desperation for interaction.

Mothers chose to stay home with their children for many different reasons. Throughout history until the feminist movements of the 20^th century most mothers stayed at home because the family tended their own farms so there was no need for out of the house employment for lower income families (Siegal, Welsh, & Senna 2005:12). As soon as the kids were old enough to follow directions they were put to work on the farm or around the house to help earn the family money (12). Wealthier families had wet nurses and nannies that took care of the children for them (13). As soon as they turned 7 or 8 the male children we sent off to school while the females were married off as soon as they hit their teens (13). Today the most stated reason for wanting to stay home is that many mothers believe that no one else can take care of a child as well as a parent (Hock, Christman, and Hock 1980: 327). It was sad that after days of research I couldn't find a newer study of reasons why mothers stay-at-home. After the 1980's it seems the number of research on this topic has dropped. I believe this is a vital subject that may have effects on other topics just as criminal justice, psychology, and child development.

When looking for an actual number of stay-at-home mothers today it is hard to find an exact account since many census and polls group them in with the unemployed. I think this is a very unfair label. Being a good parent means you work 24 hours a day without the benefit of a day off or holiday pay. In 2003, there were 5.4 million stay-at-home mothers in the United States (Jayson 2004). That is a small fraction of the 22.5 million mothers in 1974 (Census Table 1, 1975).

It seems that the largest group of mothers that stay-at-home are found in the bottom 25% of the income levels (Jayson 2004). This may be a problem that can traced to the high cost of good child care in many areas. This is the main reason for why I am staying home. I held a decent job until she was born as a Program Supervisor for Somerset County Maryland. I was making $10 an hour which is much more than what many lower education mothers would be making and I was still going to be scraping along to make enough money for someone that would watch her one-on-one and that would give her the attention and love she needs. This was going to end up costing me 85% of my paycheck even if there were 5 other children the person was going to be watching. In areas where there are very few people working as care providers and the state makes it hard and expensive for others to start it skyrockets the cost. They can charge as much as they want to watch a child and someone will pay it. As with many low income mothers losing what little precious time I was going to have with my child to get another job to pay for childcare. It just wasn't worth it. It was much easier to sacrifice new clothes and electronics to making sure she learns that she is loved.

The down side to making this decision is that you are forced to give up your life for the sake of your child's. This can lead to isolation and a feeling of disconnection with the outside world (Paris and Dubus, 2005:3,11). This can also be worse during the winter and summer months were it takes to such preparation to take the baby anywhere that you just don't ever leave the house (3). This leaves mothers trapped in the house with only the social interaction of children and their husbands. After a while many mothers just give up and live solitary lives that affect the lives of their children and their marriages. Child abuse rates tend to rise in the groups of mothers that become angry at their children because they feel like they have given up their entire lives and the children aren't grateful (Moncher, 1995:421).

Women need a support system that can validate the work they are doing as something that is vital and needed. Playgroups can fill this void. Women all over the country have started joining these groups and it will be interesting to see what effect they have on this group (Wen, 2003). This study will reflect the general affect that the formation of our playgroup has had on the participants' lives. The information they give on questionnaires will look to see whether the support of other mothers is a positive influence on the parent's and the children's mental health.

Methodology

Subjects

I observed and questioned eight 23 to 34 year old stay-at-home mothers from a playgroup held at my house. All of the mothers are married, have only one child between the age of 8 and 15 months old, and come from various backgrounds. All of the participants met at a local Wal-Mart and voluntarily joined the group by invitation.

Data Collection

I observed the group on three separate occasions for 25 minute intervals. I collected information on what they were wearing, how they reacted with the other mothers, and how their moods or reactions to others had changed from the previous observations. A 23 Question Questionnaire that I created was given to the mothers to fill out asking basic questions about their basic demographics and happiness with being a stay-at-home mother. The basis for the questionnaire was to find out what traits the mothers had in common to find reasons behind their choosing to give up employment, to see if it is their only support, and to see if it has positively influenced their lives. The relative frequency for the questions was found by using the formula of dividing number of occurrences by the total number of samples from the population. The relative frequency is then multiplied by 100 to achieve the percentage of observations. A full chart of the results will be found on Table 2 in the Appendix.

Results

From all of the data I collected from the questionnaires it seems to support my hypothesis that the playgroups play a positive role in stay-at-home mothers' lives. Only 3 of the mothers stated having a hobby of their own they enjoyed doing. From the information it seems as though most of the moms do not have many friends or family that they hang out with to give them support. Only 25% of the mothers actually go out even once a month without their child for adult activities. Reading all of this it is not surprising that 4 of the 8 mothers suffered from some form of postpartum depression.

One of the facts that shocked me was the median income of our group. From Jayson's research she stated the most occurrences of stay-at-home mothers were located in the bottom 25% of income levels. For this particular group the mean income is $36,250 which is well into the middle class brackets. The reasoning behind this may be the location of where the mothers were found. The poorer mothers may not be able to have transportation to get to the store or to be there enough to have the chance encounter of meeting one of us. They may also think we are different from them being they have less money. Many people don't realize that just because we may have our own vehicles doesn't mean we have the money to go buy anything we want when we want it like some families with working mothers. We also have no single mothers in the group.

The children also seem to benefit from this arrangement. If the mother is happy then I'm sure they have a more positive relationship and are more grateful for the time they get to spend together. Only one of the children spends time with other children outside of this group. They wouldn't learn to socialize and cooperation with this time to play.

Some of these statistics may suggest we are leading into a new generation of women that want to revert back to the older days before the feminist revolution. With a support system women may finally have what they need to give one-on-one care to their children. Only three of them had their mother stay at home with them. Only two of the husbands weren't very keen on the idea of the mother's unemployment. None of the mothers considered themselves to be liberal. Seven of the mothers replied that they found themselves to be religious. Maybe this trend is a response to some of the societal problems that have stemmed from non-involvement of parents.

Conclusion

All of the evidence found in my study has confirmed that stay-at-home mothers benefit from the support that can be found at a playgroup. When some people realize that there are others like them in the world that they can honestly talk to, it can raise their self worth and make them realize they are providing a vital service to their children. There is no one better suited to taking care of a child than their own mother or father. It will be interesting to see that if women realize that it is socially acceptable for them stay at home with the children instead of basing self worth on money or career choices if the rates of stay-at-home mothers rise over the next decade. With the support of others that want to make the same decision there is no better reason than for the sake of a child's love and well being.

References

Hock, Ellen, with Karen Christman and Micheal Hock

1980 Career-Related Decisions of Mothers of Infants. Family Relations, 29(3): 325-330. Electronic Document. http://links.jstor.org/sici?sici=0197-6664%28198007%2929%3A3%3C325%3ACDOMOI%3E2.0.CO%3B2-C, accessed November 19, 2005 from JSTOR.

Jayson, Sharon

2004Census: 5.4 million mothers are choosing to stay at home. USA Today. November 30. Electronic Document. http://www.usatoday.com/news/bythenumbers/2004-11-30-census-momshome_x.htm, accessed November 20, 2005.

Moncher, Stephen

1995 Social Isolation and Child-Abuse Risk. Families in Society. 76(7): 431. Electronic Document. http://ezproxy.umuc.edu/login?url=http://search.epnet.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=psyh&an=1996-08373-001, accessed November 22, 2005.

Paris, Ruth and Nicole Dubus

2005 Staying Connected While Nurturing an Infant: A Challenge of New Motherhood. Family Relations. January 54(1): 2-11. Electronic Document. http://www.blackwell-synergy.com.ezproxy.lib.vt.edu:8080/doi/full/10.1111/j.0197-6664.2005.00007.x, accessed 22 November 2005 from VT PsychInfo.

Siegal, Larry with Brandon Welsh and Joseph Senna.

2005 Juvenile Delinquency Theory, Practice, and Law. 9^th Edition. Toronto: Thomson Corporation.

United States Census Bureau

1975 Table 1. Arrangements for the Daytime Care of Children 3-13 Years Old, By Age of Child, Labor Force Statistics, and Marital Status of Mother in October 1974 and February 1975. Electronic Document. http://www.census.gov/population/socdemo/child/p20-298/Tab-01.pdf.

Wen, Patricia

2003 Stay-At-Home Mothers Find out They're Not Alone. The Boston Globe. October 12. Electronic Document. http://boston.com/local/articles/2003/10/12/stay_ at_home_mothers_finding_out_theyre_not_alone/, accessed November 20, 2005.

Appendix

Table 1: Profile of the Mothers Participating

Mother's Age

Mean Age

23, 31, 26, 27, 27, 28, 34, 25

27.625 years old

Spouse's Age

Mean Age

26, 32, 34, 36, 37, 37, 41, 40

35.4 Years old

Child's Age

Mean Age

8mo, 9mo, 9mo, 10mo, 10mo, 12mo, 13mo, 15 mo

10.75 months

Average Yearly Income

Mean Income

26k, 36k, 32k, 31k, 22k, 45k, 67k, and 31k

$36,250

Table 2: Results of the Questionnaire Given to the Mothers

Question

Occurrences

Relative Frequency

Percentages

Marriage Status

Married

8

1

100%

Unmarried

0

0

0%

Highest Level of Education of Mother

High School

4

0.5

50%

Associate

1

0.125

12.50%

Bachelors

2

0.25

25%

Master's

1

0.125

12.50%

Did you have a job before you decided to have children?

Yes

6

0.75

75%

No

2

0.25

25%

Do you plan on ever returning to work?

Yes

3

0.375

37.50%

No

5

0.625

63%

Do you want more children?

Yes

7

0.875

87.50%

No

1

0.125

12.50%

Do you enjoy being a stay at home mom?

Yes

7

0.875

87.50%

No

1

0.125

12.50%

Would you rather be working full-time?

Yes

1

0.125

12.50%

No

7

0.875

87.50%

Do you plan on going back to school?

Yes

0

0

0%

No

8

1

100%

Do you have a hobby outside of the playgroup?

Yes

3

0.375

37.50%

No

5

0.625

62.50%

Would you describe your political views as conservative, moderate, or liberal?

Conservative

5

0.625

62.50%

Moderate

3

0.375

37.50%

Liberal

0

0

0%

Was your mother a stay at home mom?

Yes

3

0.375

37.50%

No

5

0.625

62.50%

Has your husband always supported your decision to stay at home?

Yes

6

0.75

75%

No

2

0.25

25%

Where you in a playgroup as a child?

Yes

1

0.125

12.50%

No

3

0.375

37.50%

Unsure

4

0.5

50%

Do you plan on home schooling you child or enrolling them in a public or private school?

Home School

2

0.25

25%

Private

1

0.125

12.50%

Public

5

0.625

62.50%

Does your child socialize with other children outside of this group?

Yes

1

0.125

12.50%

No

7

0.875

87.50%

Did you suffer from postpartum depression?

Yes

4

0.5

50%

No

4

0.5

50%

Does your mother live nearby?

Yes

5

0.625

62.50%

No

3

0.375

37.50%

Do you get to see your mother as much as you would like?

Yes

5

0.625

62.50%

No

3

0.375

37.50%

Do you go out at least once a month without the children?

Yes

2

0.25

25%

No

6

0.75

75%

Do you go out with friends other than the other playgroup moms?

Yes

3

0.375

37.50%

No

5

0.625

62.50%

Do you feel isolated from your old friends?

Yes

7

0.875

87.50%

No

1

0.125

12.50%

In what way do you communicate most with your family?

Telephone

3

0.375

37.50%

Face to Face

3

0.375

37.50%

Internet

2

0.25

25%

Do you feel that you are equal to your friends that work outside the home?

Yes

6

0.75

75%

No

2

0.25

25%

Do you consider yourself to be religious?

Yes

7

0.875

87.50%

No

1

0.125

12.50%