Playing Games in a Relationship Inevitably Leads to Heartache

Playing games in a relationship inevitably leads to heartache, but it seems that many of us today are hardwired to do just that. Some play games unintentionally and some plot and strategize every relationship as though they were fighting a battle.

Playing Hard To Get:

The age-old game of "playing hard to get" is one that will probably never go out of fashion because some people want what they can't have, and it's as simple as that. Others believe that something that comes too easily is not worth having. On its own this is not a destructive theory because, essentially, something you want shouldn't be too easy to attain or there is no sense of accomplishment in acquiring it. However, the danger comes when a person is not able to let go of this and carries it into the relationship.

Once two people have gotten together the goal is to then let down the walls and be open with each other. If you continue to play hard to get once in a relationship you run the risk of convincing your partner that you are unattainable, or you may simply appear too closed off and aloof to be involved with. On the other side of the coin, a person who pursues someone who is unattainable can become disinterested in a partner who is willing to be open and available in the relationship, thereby ensuring continued loneliness and heartache.

Pretending To Be Someone You're Not:

Pretending to be someone you're not is never a good idea, and though it can come from the best of intentions, it is still a game, and will eventually backfire. Some people get into relationships based on a false first impression. Perhaps you meet a girl in a bar who gives off a very innocent sweet vibe, you like it and comment on how appealing it is. She, for the sake of argument, may not be quite as innocent as you had initially perceived, and maybe has an acerbic or biting wit that counters the sweetness you found so charming that first night. But now she does not want to show you that because she believes that you want the sweet innocent girl in the bar.

You can see how the situation above can continue on this way until the whole relationship is one big game.

It's also easy to fall into the trap of becoming so enamored with the person you're dating that you begin to take on his or her interests, qualities, manner of speaking, and such, as your own. Though this seems natural at the start of a relationship when the newness of a love interest is overpowering and consuming, when not tempered, it's still just another way of pretending to be someone you're not.

You've probably at one time or another caught yourself using catch phrases that you never used until meeting your better half, or perhaps your love interest has a particular appreciation for seafood while you've never cared much one way or the other for it, but now find yourself eating it twice a week. These small things in themselves are not terrible if you can manage to not let it drift too far, but if you catch yourself noticing that your identity has all but disappeared and gotten wrapped up in the person you're dating, that's when it's time to stop and take stock of things lest you become an unwitting game player and destroy the relationship.

Suspicion, Doubt, and Jealousy Games:

This is a tricky area because for the most part, people who doubt and get jealous are acting on their own guilt because they themselves are or have in the past, cheated. Of course this is not true of all people, some have just been badly burned in a past relationship or are incredibly insecure, but jealousy, suspicion, and doubt should raise a red flag in your mind to possible game playing. Again, take the time to be sure before attributing this to someone because the signs can be hard to read.

Alternatively, some people constantly worry or fear that their love interest will leave or cheat. Just like the converse scenario above, this can be an innocent insecurity, a past relationship rearing its ugly head, or it could be a control game.

If the situation amounts to insecurity on either person's part, that's the time to step back and figure out who you are and what you want so that the relationship doesn't get damaged by it. Take heart, because those things can be surmounted, what can't is someone who has been played with and feels deceived or controlled.

Whether intentional or not, game playing of any sort will lead to heartache, so be open and honest about where you're coming from, who you are, and what you want and you'll be rewarded with a relationship that can withstand a lot of bumps in the road.