Please: Let Him Call

There was something special about Mary. Her complexion was radiant and for absolutely no reason she would burst into a smile. Her eyes teased me to question why she was so giddy. But I knew to be patient because there was absolutely no way that she could contain what was inside of her. "Okay," she said in a huff of relief, "Why do we have to wait for the man to call. I think this is utterly ridiculous. We had a wonderful date and everyone could see that we are crazy about each other. I haven't talked to him in three days since our first date and I have so much that I want to say to him. I don't want to play this stupid game of waiting for the man to call. I want to be able to call him to let him know that I miss him or just to chat and say that I had a wonderful time. Men miss out on so much being the way they are. What do you think Cassie?"

My gut instinct was to tell her to wait for him to call her. But I decided to ask a few of my male friends how they felt about a woman calling the man in the initial stages of a relationship. Here is what they had to say:

Spunky, 30 "I think the woman should be "real." If she is not doing what her heart is leading her to do she is fake and eventually this will turn a man off anyway in the long run. If he is not really "down" with her it doesn't matter if she calls him or not. But sometimes a man is afraid to call a woman because he is not sure if she really likes him. I agree with her people shouldn't play games, if a woman wants to call a man she should. If he doesn't want to talk to her this will give her ample opportunity to look elsewhere before investing too much of her heart into a relationship. The bottom line is people let their egos get in the way of honest communication."

Eric, 48 "I know a lot of women are not going to want to hear this but, when my son was a teenager, I could tell the "quality" of the girl by how many times she called the house regardless of how long they had been dating. The girls who called the house too often should have had more important interest in their lives than calling behind some boy. They should have been doing their home work, playing sports, working an after school gig or something. The girls who rarely called turned out to be the girls who made something out of their lives. You know, they went away to college, got good jobs and didn't have a bunch a babies. A lot of men don't want to admit it, but there is something classy about a woman who demands for a man to show his interest and be on his best behavior. Maybe I am little old-fashioned but I like to be the one to do the calling. Even now when I date a woman and she calls me too often, no matter how much I was attracted to her initially this turns me off. I think it's important for a woman to have a fulfilling life of her own. I don't want to feel like the focus of her existence."

Lawrence, 37 "Times are different, it doesn't matter who calls. I was convinced that my wife never wanted to see me again after our first date. I was a real shy kid and didn't have a lot of experience dating. I can tell you now that if my wife had not pursued me, we wouldn't be married today. I have never been much of a talker, besides the fact that I didn't have the confidence to pursue any woman."

Andre, 41 "To me dating is like a dance, it doesn't matter who leads as long as the other person is in step with the tune of the relationship. Like, if I meet a woman and we are just "making it happen" I don't want her calling me all the time. If the phone call is not about making plans to get "busy;" I am going to be honest, I don't want to get into any small talk and I don't care about her day -- because it ain't that type of deal. But if she is my lady, not only am I going to call her to make sure she is okay and home from work safe, I am going to be pissed off if she doesn't call me all day. Basically, I will tell any woman, I don't think who call who is a big deal, I think the woman should look at what the man is talking about on the other end of the phone-- regardless of who does the calling."

The men have spoken, but I would like to add my two cents. From my experience I have learned that it is best to let the man lead when developing a relationship. When a woman lets a man lead she sees exactly where he going, what his intentions are, what she should pack for the journey and what time it is when they get there. If she doesn't like the road signs, she can take a detour or another route before getting caught in lover's lane traffic.