Pleasing Your Man Orally

It's no secret that many women do not enjoy giving oral attention to their men. Some find it repulsive after trying it while others refuse to try it altogether. But for the ones who love to give good oral to their men, there are two categories; those who do it as part of an exchange for return treatment, and those who actually derive pleasure for themselves by giving oral pleasure to their men.

The tit-for-tat fellatio artists like the idea of pleasing their man, but wholly expect to have cunnilingus performed on them either before or afterwards. Without a guarantee of getting their turn at bat, so to speak, they will not invest the time into this most intimate of sex acts. (The Art of Cunnilingus)

The ones who get off on getting him off are a different breed. These women can work themselves up by just imagining the taste and texture of their man's penis. The fantasy is a sort of foreplay for them so that by the time they get in the same room with their lover, they may behave like hungry kittens about to pounce on a tasty treat! The women in this category admit to being able to 'share' in the pleasure they are administering to their partners explaining that they, themselves, can feel every stroke of their tongue as if they were receiving oral from their lover at the same time. The sounds he makes and the pure male appreciation he expresses is their aphrodisiac. This second category of women doesn't expect reciprocation because they can usually orgasm on their own just by giving fellatio. Of course, they wouldn't turn it down!

From the man's viewpoint, seeing his woman in such a compliant position, attending to his pleasure with her lips, teeth, and tongue is a big turn on. Being visual creatures, a man can indulge himself by both watching and experiencing his lover at the same time. Having her take charge relieves a man of performance anxiety allowing him to relax and fully enjoy being ministered to.

Several women have explained that the deeper the bond between them and their men, the more profound the oral experience. It seems to be related to the comfort level women feel with a lover whom they've developed a deep affection for and trust in. The stronger the affection and trust, the more apt these women will be to let inhibitions fall away and freely open themselves to the experience of both fellatio and cunnilingus.

Knowing that she is the cause for his pleasure is a great self-esteem booster and a heady turn-on. Just as women thoroughly enjoy a man's rapt attention to the sacred feminine, so do men appreciate being pleasured orally. For those women who like receiving but not giving, imagine that the clitoris is a penis (biologically, it is the equivalent) the next time any of you find yourself being his afternoon snack. Imagine the clitoris longer and thicker. Understand that the orgasmically explosive sensations you feel are the same ones he wants to feel. Now, with this thought in mind, if any of you were suddenly turned into men, wouldn't you want your partner to give you oral gratification? Of course you would!

Now, the key to any kind of good sex, oral or otherwise, is communication. By this, I mean don't be afraid to ask! No one is a mind reader so don't expect her to know you really, really want her to pleasure you orally. And for heaven's sake, don't resort to pushing her head down there because much like having someone push your head under water, it induces a sort of panic response. Tell her what you like, and ask her simply to "please" pleasure you with her mouth. If she is hesitant based on fears she doesn't possess the necessary skills, offer to talk her through it until she gets the hang of it, and never criticize her. Be willing to reciprocate no matter what. Sex between partners is a two-way street. (The Blow by Blow on Fellatio)

It's an unselfish act of devotion to someone they love. This is why women who enjoy giving good oral do so. If you haven't tried it, don't be afraid to give it a whirl!

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(Original publication date November 29, 2011 on M. Gwynn's San Antonio Sex and Relationships column on Examiner.com)