PodiumGate

An MSNBC report headlines "Obama's teleprompter, lectern stolen in Va." It appears that the President's speech-making equipment became the target of thieves.

"We take incidents such as this seriously," the Defense Department said. And what did the President say? Obama was speechless!

Seals
An unmarked van parked in a Marriott lot contained $200,000 worth of audio equipment and the podium, complete with presidential seals (no, not the Navy kind), behind which the President stands when speaking. I quite like those seals because you can look and know what you're getting, like the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval on my Mix Master.

It is noted that only the President may stand behind the presidential lectern, prohibiting no one to ever stand behind the President standing behind the podium. Clearly, that explains Obama's slump in the polls.

Podium rules
This tells me there are even rules and regulations on the use of the presidential podium. No swashbuckling, CO₂-spouting, spineless speech-giver can ever be behind it. He who appears there must be a bona fide citizen having gained the trust of the people to be confidently elected by them to the nation's highest office.

Obama must have left his credentials at home, and they're withholding the podium from unofficial use. That, or the electorate has lost their trust in their duly elected.

But, hey, rules are rules. Even for lecterns. Even for the President.

Information, what information?
The Defense Information Systems Agency provided the following statement on the PodiumGate burglary: "A government vehicle was stolen and has been recovered." Hmm. Lots of information content there.

Okay, they went on to say, "No classified or sensitive information was in the vehicle." Whew, I'm so relieved! No information there either.

And finally, "a formal investigation is continuing in coordination with relevant enforcement agencies." I'm wondering what information there is to be coordinated.

It would be nice if Obama were to share information with the transparency with which he promised to run the government. He's got transparency down to a science. We don't see or hear from him at all.

Leader without a lectern
What we have is a president without his podium. No words come forth from our leader without his block of wooden lecternship before him. No information is lost or missing. They got the van back. After all, Americans care about their cars and that's all that matters. I kind of like it this way.

The real reason for PodiumGate
But I just know there's going to be a new national agency hiring thousands of public workers to develop rules, regulations, procedures, prohibitions, legislation, care, transportation, and maintenance of presidential podia.

Clearly, this is Mr. President's new strategy for jobs creation!