Poem: on the Edge of Hate

***Warning!!! The following poem is intense, irreverant, blasphemous, and devoid of any of my real life restraint. I say again - it is NOT a "nice" read.***

On the Edge of Hate

I want an answer to the question that repeats like unreal voice.
"No."

I want the wall to move, once and for all, out of my way.
"No."

I want to understand the forces crippling my resilience -
that make me cry and yell and swear - that dulls al signs of brilliance.

I wanna break stuff.
I wanna take a hammer to the smug crucifix
that dares to tell me I am blessed by Him
and smash it like so many shards of glass.

""...Silence.

I want to control my life. I want to know the joy of choice.
"No."

I want to know enough about tomorrow that I may claw through today.
"No."

I want to dare to strive and hope and try to cope always.
I want to feel the warmth and light and fearless flight that stays.

I wanna seek the yin.
I wanna take the yang He sets as price for his love -
the proof He says is fleshly life so dim
and shove it up his nonexistent ass.

""...Silence.

Violence.