Poetry: Saying Good-bye by Degrees

© 2011 by Debbie Dunn

Introduction: My maternal grandfather died many years ago of Alzheimer's. My mother has been diagnosed with the early stages of Alzheimer's. Using the medium of free-style free verse will help me and others address this very scary topic.

Composed on March 28, 2011

My mother asked me

with an anxiety-laden voice,

"Have I changed?"

How do I tell her the truth?

How do I speak my truth

without causing stress or harm or grief?

Does she realize that my father,

my brothers, my relatives,

and her only daughter

have been saying good-bye

little by little, by degrees?

She can still walk unassisted.

She can still take care of

her personal needs.

She can still feed herself.

She can still cook.

She can still do some

of what she has done

for many, many years.

At age 83, she no longer drives.

That is a good thing as she cannot recall

how to get to places

she used to drive to

almost without thought.

In restaurants, she often gets lost.

It takes her three hours to do

things that used to take her

one-third of the time or less

as she no longer recalls

what has been accomplished

and what is yet needing to be done.

When speaking of her youngest granddaughter,

she will often say, "When will I ever get

to meet that little girl?"

She looks at us blankly and with disbelief

when we state, "She visited with you

just a few days back."

She has no memory of two little girls

running around and playing,

leaving toys strewn throughout

her living room and dining room area.

She has no memory of her youngest son

and his darling wife

visiting with them for an entire day.

I try to meet my parents for a meal

about once a week

as I don't know how much longer

my mother will recognize me as her daughter.

Her father died of Alzheimer's several years back.

He had no memory of his son or daughter

the last few years of his life.

I dread the thought that someday,

that very thing may happen with me.

What will I do should the day come

when my mother does not know me?

Hopefully, I will not have to face that day

for many years or ever.

God grant me the grace to deal with it

should that dreaded event happen.

There are so many things

she no longer recalls.

Each time I see her,

I patiently answer the same questions

time after time.

Sometimes in the course of one meal,

I answer the same question again and again.

Still, I am so grateful she is still here

for me to talk to and to hug and to love.

I find myself comforted

by the knowledge

that she still knows me for me.

It matters not if I have to repeat myself

a hundred times over.

I just want her to be here

and know me and to love me.

Pray God this continues

for the rest of her years

of life on our Mother Earth.