Police Officer's Are Human

When I was given a medical retirement after nearly 10 years as a police officer, it was like being punched in the gut multiple times. It hurt me much more than my actual physical injuries did. I loved being a police officer. I was really good at it, which helped. However, there was something more to it. I was passionate about my job, about being the best cop I could be. As corny as it may sound, I really enjoyed helping people. The hardest part of the job was not the long hours, endless paper work or physical violence. It wasn't the hateful comments towards cops in general or even those directed at me specifically. The hardest part of the job was recognizing that there would always be some people I could not help.

I have been the Rotary Club "Police Officer of the Year". I have plaques on my walls that say I was good at what I did. I have a lifesaving medal that was awarded to me by my old police department. I'm very proud of it and happy that with the help of an incredible partner, we were able to save a man's life. The young man had overdosed on heroin. He was not alive when we got there, but he was by the time we left. I don't know if he did anything good with his second chance. I hope so, but I have been too afraid to ever try to find out. Really, it's his life to lead whichever way he chooses, I just hope he chose wisely. As meaningful as that moment in my life is to me, the moments I remember most are the times when I could not save someone's life.

Those moments came in many different ways. The men (because this happened more than once) who were determined to commit suicide by cop. They would not listen to me or anyone else who tried to stop them. There was the grandma who had a heart attack with all of her kids and grand kids there celebrating her birthday. We tried to bring her back, her family begged us to save her, but we could not. I'll never forget the 14 year old boy who I arrested multiple times. Each time I saw him, I tried to say the magic words to make him change his direction in life. He listened but did not truly hear me. I told him he would wind up in prison or dead, and after stealing a car and running from police, he wrecked and died at the scene. There was Steven, a drug addict I spoke to almost daily, trying to get him to get clean. I gave him numbers to call for places that could help him. He did not seek the help and I found him dead in his motel room from an overdose. I see the face of the domestic violence victim, who got the restraining order and wanted a new life. The next day she was murdered in cold blood by her ex-boyfriend. There were so many people I just couldn't help, and I remember every one of them.

Many people fail to recognize that police officers are just human beings like everyone else. The only difference is that they are given a great responsibility to protect the lives and property of people they have never met. With that responsibility there comes training, a uniform, a gun and a badge. There also comes a hope that you won't abuse any of the those things. Police officers come in different sizes, different genders, different races, and different backgrounds. The vast majority of officer's I have met had two things in common; a desire to make a difference in the world, and a warriors spirit. For some of those officer's, over time, they lost both of those attributes. Most however, increased in both and made their communities that much better for having them on the police force.

You must have a passion for the job in order to be an effective officer. I would be lying if I said I did not still have the passion for the job, I do. I just don't have the physical capabilities to do it anymore. Since retirement 3 ½ years ago, I have searched for a new passion. I looked desperately for something to inspire me the way police work did. I needed to feel like I was making a difference, to help me feel whole again. Though nothing will ever replace what it meant to me to be a police officer, I believe I have found what I was looking for. Writing has been one of my favorite things to do since I was a kid. I started college as a Journalism major after having participated on my high school yearbook and newspaper staffs. The crime fighting bug took ahold of me though and I switched to Criminology. I wrote a lot as a police officer, it's just that most of the writing I did was on police reports. Now I write for me and I write in the hopes that something I have written will make a difference, even if to just one person. The important thing is, I write.