Political Cults and Their Poop-On-A-Stick Sales Pitch

Political conventions are god awful events. It's one thing to be briefed by newscasters who are constantly struggling between their ideals and an obligation to objectivity. However, it is much more traumatizing to the psyche to hear totally biased politicians give you "facts". If anything, the DNC and RNC do nothing, but show how similar the two parties really are. I mean, have you seen the goons dance? It's like Soul Train crashed into a Barn Dance. The major difference being the lack of black people at the RNC. No worries, though. Black Democrats have picked up their white party members' moves through mere association.

The crying is almost as bad as the dancing. Apparently, they're running an onion mist throughout the ventilation system. That or they get slipped ecstasy at the door. Yea, that would explain the cult-like behavior. Every time I force myself to watch a political convention I feel as though I'm watching the last couple hours of Jonestown, right before they swallowed the Kool-Aid. Then, the convention ends and I am once again let down by a too-good-to-be-true illusion.

Alas, still another election where the two-party system reigns supreme. It's been that way for most of our history. Both the Democrats and the Republicans are too big now, too well-funded, too powerful that any outside party which tries to challenge them ends up like a fat pimply kid in gym class. This is why Obama had not other choice but to run as a Democrat. I wish he would've decided to run independent, but you got to play the game if you want to win it. Even the Libertarians, who've been around for thirty years, can't get their candidate in any national debates. Maybe it's because Bob Barr looks like Pat O'Brien from Entertainment Tonight. Who knows?

McCain and company claim this election is going to be decided on personality, which it often is. The political acid test will come in November. America has the chance to redeem itself for all the years of superficial voting. Issues will decide this election if we manage to earn a passing grade. Sometimes it's hard keeping on top of the issues when we are bombarded with news of Palin's pregnant (and terribly named) teen daughter. It's hard to take this nonsense serious when we are constantly having our focus put on non-issues. Obama was right when he said we can't let a big election be decided by small issues.

As a member of the Rational Americans Party-a third party that will die like the rest of them-I back Obama/Biden because if the Republicans get in, nothing will get done in a time when action is vital to our future prosperity. With a Democratic majority in Congress, McCain will know what it was like for Jimmy Carter when he had to try to win over a Congress filled with Elephants. Instead, McCain will face a bunch of Donkeys chomping at the bit to Donkey kick him into presidential infamy.

Besides, the number of times the Republicans spoke of McCain's experience as a POW, shows the Republicans are trying to fish with empty hooks. The worms are gone, and like the knuckleheads they are, they keep throwing the line out, hoping we're stupid enough to bite. Guiliani spent his RNC speech babbling off lies, speaking straight from his colon-an impressive feat without doubt, but he is Guiliani, ass talker extraordinaire. He drew laughs from the crowd when he mentioned Obama was a community organizer-which is understandable. The kind of Republican at the RNC thinks a community organizer is the person who runs their gated communities. Guiliani admitted that he understands the old political maxim, "if you don't have the facts then you gotta change 'em." He blames the Democrats for doing this, which is not so much ironic as it is the most important rule of politics: Lie and do it convincingly.

McCain has since changed the tagline of his campaign from experience to change--now that's change! He did this because he chose a woman as his running mate, which in Republican eyes certainly constitutes change. But as we learned more about Palin, we learned she is nothing more than a female hybrid of Bush and Cheney. Rather than wanting to have a beer with her, many American males simply want to slip her the old sausage, if you catch my drift, *wink wink. Yes, it is displays like the picking of Palin that have made me go from liking McCain in 2000 to taking up praying as a means of preventing his and Palin's victory. The McCain camp seems to consist solely of the kind of lobbyists who have been ruining this country for decades. They constantly try to sell us shit-on-a-stick, telling us it's chock full of vitamins and nutrients that are good for us. Well, I know I'm not buying it. How about you? You gonna buy some shit-on-a-stick come November?