Political Trivia Pop Test

Instead of another trivia column, let's have a pop test covering political science. If you've read some of my past essays, you know that I'm a bit cynical about our national government. This purpose of this test is to determine if you level of cynicism approaches mine.

1. The three branches of the federal government are:

A. "Money, television, and bullshit" (P.J. O'Rourke)
B. "In cahoots with each other" (Wayne McDonald)
C. A joke
D. Legislative, Executive, Judicial

2. The Fifth Amendment is:

A. On sale at licensed liquor retailers
B. A guarantee that you don't have to rat yourself out
C. Another name for Beethoven's Fifth Symphony
D. A pop vocal group from the 70s

3. Who was George Washington?

A. The first president of the United States
B. A mediocre general
C. Batman's secret identity
D. The guy who posed for the one dollar bill

4. The Constitution replaced what document?

A. The Bible
B. The first edition of Letters to Penthouse
C. The Articles of Confederation
D. The Dead Sea Scrolls

5. Taking the Senate and House of Representatives together, there are how many members of Congress?

A. Who would want to take that herd of douche bags?
B. 535
3. Too damn many
D. Who cares?

6. What happened on April 6, 1965 at Appomattox Court House in Virginia?

A. U.S. Grant beat Robert E. Lee at a game of Liar's Poker
B. Grant stole Lee's sword, but Lee didn't want to embarrass him by taking it back
C. Oklahoma State beat Virginia Tech 24-21 in sudden death overtime
D. Lee allegedly surrendered

7. The purpose of the Executive Branch is:

A. Unknown
B. To find jobs for unemployed children of campaign contributors
C. To piss off David Letterman by making appearances on the Jay Leno Show
D. To serve as a guest referee at Wrestlemania

8. The chief function of the Legislative Branch of government is:

A. To serve as a halfway house
B. Impose taxes
C. To occasionally legislate
D. To provide a bad example with which to frighten unruly children

9. The purpose of the Judicial Branch is to:

A. Judicialize, when convenient
B. Keep an eye on the other two branches
C. To have an organization with which to reward rich campaign contributors who happen to be lawyers
D. Prove that you can be a success even if you fail your bar exam on the first three tries

10. Political Science is:

A. Neither
B. A misnomer
C. The last refuge of a scoundrel
D. A form of witchcraft

Answers:

For Democrats: There are no correct answers! Besides, grades aren't important. Haven't you learned that already?

For Republicans, Libertarians, and other heretics:

1. D
2. B
3. A
4. C
5. B
6. D
7. A
8. C
9. A
10. Dealer's Choice