Polyamory: The Three Parent Family

The typical American family is changing. Single parent households, grandparents raising grandchildren, and even same sex parents are not all that uncommon anymore. Polyamory, loving more than one, is still on the fringe of American society both as a philosophy and a lifestyle. Therefore, those of us choosing to raise children in families with more than two parents face unique challenges.

The first challenge is often explaining polyamory to the kids. If your kids have been in a three parent household since birth, this probably won't be an issue until they are out in the world more and realize that their family is different from their friends' families. At that point, it will probably be easy to explain that some families are different from other families pointing out examples, and that theirs is just a different kind of family.

If you are adding a third parent to an existing two parent household or joining two families together, it might be a little more difficult to explain. I believe that it is best to be honest about your polyamory with your kids as soon as you know that that is what you want in your life. I realize that the polyamorous lifestyle seems to sneak up on people on occasion though and that sometimes it just seems easier to keep quiet, especially if you expect resistance to the idea. If you are in a serious relationship and considering adding another adult to the family or blending two families, it is imperative that you share this with your kids well before anyone moves in together. Just explain that you are capable of loving more that one person, and that you want to share your life with more than one other person. If your child is a teen, you might want to consider sharing articles about polyamory with him. If you know other polyamorous families, it could be a good idea to arrange a get together so that the children know that they are not the only ones with polyamorous parents.

Another challenge is dealing with the professionals you come across. Doctors may not want three parents coming to appointments. Schools may not understand having three parents at open houses and conferences. Teachers might correct a child who says that she has three parents. The best way to deal with this is matter-of-factly. Just tell doctors that you are all raising the children together, and that it is important that you are all involved in the children's health care. Explain to teachers that your child has three parents who live with him, and that you will all be attending school functions together as a family. There is no need to get into the details. Calmly asserting yourself will usually suffice.

In addition to challenges, three parent households bring benefits as well. There are three people to share responsibilities. Children have three parents to go to with their problems, and there is more love and support to go along. When one person is stressed out, tired, or sick, there is more likely someone available to cover their parenting role for awhile. Three parent households are more likely to have a higher income, and it is easier for one parent to stay home full-time. People choosing to live in polyamorous family situations find the benefits to outweigh the problems. Polyamorous families may be unusual, but just like all families, they are full of love and want the best for their children.