Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and Faith

It took me some time to realize that I am what the English language calls a barren woman. I always had this notion that when a couple gets married, it is inevitable that they would bear children and build family. Such is what nature intended procreation to be.

But I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), with the origin quite unclear. I have never had a normal or regular menstrual period ever since puberty. It was quite a struggle for me to accept the fact. PCOS is defined as (from Wikipedia) "an endocrine disorder that affects approximately 5% of all women. It occurs amongst all races and nationalities, is the most common hormonal disorder among women of reproductive age, and is a leading cause of infertility.^"

The principal features are weight problems, lack of regular ovulation and/or menstruation, and excessive amounts or effects of androgenic (masculinizing) hormones. The symptoms and severity of the syndrome vary greatly among women. While the causes are unknown, insulin resistance, diabetes, and obesity are all strongly correlated with PCOS.

My thoughts didn't just end on the fact that I was barren, it well continued on the thought that I am not a complete woman because I am incapable of bearing child. It led me to question my capacities at being a wife, for I cannot bear my husband the children that he so desired. But thankfully, I have a very supportive husband who assured me of his love even if we were not blessed with children.

To cure my PCOS, my OB gynecologist prescribed oral fertility drugs, which made me anxious and feel so many uncomfortable symptoms. After two cycles I stopped of taking Clomid (clomiphene citate). She recommended injectables and if nothing happened, the next step would be artificial insemination. The two other options were definitely out for me, as I would never consider them. I figured that if God blesses us with our own child, then so be it. I would not do anything as drastic anymore as having injections and getting AI.

Well, I did do other things, like massage therapy, touch therapy, take fertility vitamins, have vegetable supplements that are supposed to boost my female hormones, and a host of other things. Well meaning family and friends also recommendec different methods and remedies and amulets, etc.

But there came point when I decided to stop everything. I even stopped taking vitamins altogether. I politely declined all advices. I gave up on the efforts but did not give up on the hope. I committed everything to God and came back to the promise that He gave me when I was still single-that I may be advancing in age when I will bear a child. My husband and I also committed on eradicating the anxiety about having or not having a child, and just focused on having joy in our marriage. We became more relaxed and we were able to enjoy much of our time together and in building up our relationship as a couple.

I was 32 when I got married, with PCOS, and my mom having a history of difficult pregnancies. I was getting worried at times, but God's word continued to comfort me. And I forgot how many times I read the first chapter of Samuel. I knew in my heart that if God has blessed Hannah, I, too could be blessed. I believed that God alone has the capacity to open my womb, with or without medical help.

Middle of 2008, I started feeling strange. I told my husband about it, but he replied that I always feel weird. We have tested for pregnancy so many times before based on my weird feelings and super delayed monthly period, but nothing happened. So we were sort of used to the disappointment already. So I brushed the symptoms off until one day I finally decided to take a pregnancy test because the weird symptoms continued. But before that, I told God, "Lord whatever happens, whatever the results, I will still praise You." Needless to say, the test came out positive.

It was hard to believe at first (I know we have been waiting and waiting but it was quite difficult to accept the good news at first). When I sent a text message to my husband who was in a different city at that time, he too could not believe the good news. He told me to get second opinion-either a blood HCG test or an ultrasound. I opted for the latter. And indeed I am pregnant, just a wee bit early for ultrasound at 5 weeks because no fetal pole can yet be seen. But indeed something was developing inside of me and the doctor confirmed that a fetus is forming. We had to have a follow up ultrasound four weeks later just for confirmation.

Nevertheless, there was unending praising not only from my husband and myself, but also our families and friends who had been praying for us. God is indeed mysterious, He has His ways. I came upon Psalm 113:9 and when I read it, I nodded vigorously in agreement because indeed it is God who settles the barren woman in her home and makes her a mom.

I am pretty sure that this story has a purpose and my sharing this would bring hope to other women who have similar or even worse fertility problems. God is sovereign and the Creator of all. And nothing is impossible for Him-not even opening the womb of a barren woman.

This is my story of having PCOS and having faith at the same time. And God opened my womb.