Poor Communication Can Lead to Lifetime Psychological Issues

People write, read, behave, understand, interpret and comprehend words, actions and results of them differently. There is no getting around that and there is no expeditious way to fix it for now. Maybe someday techno-wizards will find a way to link thoughts based on their myriad of feelings, perceptions, and experiences. Perhaps someday we will better understand how people are affected, each of us differently when prompted by verbal, actions or other stimulus that incites and stirs those characteristics of our personalities from which we resource in order to interpret what we have seen, heard,or read into any forthcoming experience or event. Perhaps, someday some accuracy can be technologically designed into what we communicate to and from each other. Until then, those who do write, read, act, behave and interpret must make the effort to be precise with our primitive forms of conveying and recieving thoughts, actions and intentions. When we do not make clear or intentionally act with wrecklessness and disregard with our words, actions and interpretations we do endanger our fellow inhabitants, our very neighbors.

I once knew a girl who has a behavioral characteristic because of which she is easily bored and becomes fidgety. When she was a young child, within her initial experiences in school a teacher would put elephant ears on her so that she could get the "attention" that in that teacher's interpretation was what she sought. When this girl began to stargaze and internally wander off task, that was one of the teacher's methods of "correcting" the children in her class. By todays standards we can judge that far different than it may have been seen in 1967. Today it could be seen as child abuse. In those days it was called "discipline". Today we could also hypothesize that she was using a symbol of "memory" to "remind" children in her class that they have to remember to remain focused and stay on task. It is surely a matter for debate and can go in any direction one can imagine. Moreover, an importance can be assigned to any number of even foolish debacles of debate giving them the color of reason. One is made evident above...according to todays standards. Yet, I bet at least some of you considered it's merits when you read it. Some may even still argue it.

There is no valid reason to put elephant ears on a child and single them out in a negative light for fellow classmates in a humiliating or derogatory way. Yet, I am sure some would argue that it could serve as a reminder to behave all the way to their name on a stone.

Some people, as in the story above have no idea the damage they are doing with their irresponsible implementations of understanding. That is furthered by not taking reasonable responsibility for the possible interpretations of those intentions motivating such manner of communication. That girl had an attention deficit issue and has learned to control it. The teacher read the girl's actions as disrespect. She disciplined her and attempted to adjust her behavior accordingly and in so doing absolutely disregarded any form of concern for the direct effect those actions would have on a child's understanding.

In the case above the girl grew, became a woman and in meeting her again later, I found that sincere, honest and sweet lady still reacting with negative impulses set in motion by that event imposed upon her by that teacher. It turns out her reactions to most stimulus that triggered those memories brought on an equally ill-fated and equally erroneous interpretation/reaction of events. That wonderful girl and lady still reacts to any kind of critique of her behavior, her interpretations and her thoughts when made known as a direct and immediate assault upon her very being. She hears ridicule that is not their, she pre-anticipates humiliation as if it inevitably follows any comment, no matter how well intended that serves as a critique of her in any fashion.

It affected literally every single interaction she had with every single person she ever met from the day it first occurred, and the effects became escalatory and more pronounced commensurate to the reaction of her environment to her response to that old internal behavioral mechanism brought on by that teacher. It was like a very complex maze of dominoes, reaction draws reaction draws reaction, and it broke off with each progession into a very complex myriad of dichotomous reactions. It made life absolutely frightening for her. The fact that she was forced to wear the elephant ears in front of classmates was this particular teacher's method of dealing with inattentive or dis-ruptive students. Her implementation of that corrective measure affected this lady's life for decades an in very measurable ways.

In this case the teacher did not mean to hurt this dear person, yet, she did. She scarred her deeply and for life. This person will forever recover from this wound to her view of herself. Her vision/perception of herself as she imagines herself seen thru other's eyes has in many cases never been accurate, which means her self-esteem has been off center for most of her life. That dysfunctional interaction with that teacher who was supposed to be the skilled person in this case actually brought on such clear resentment of authority issues that it too emerges in nearly all of her interactions with others. Earning her trust to become appointed by her as a person in any sort of "know" is a daunting task to even the most skilled, wise or loving acquaintance. Patience is a key word and a willingness to "lose" all battles in order to perhaps win the war with her is not an unreasonable paradox of posture to assume.

The teacher presumably did not mean to harm the girl. While we all know that, in many things there is an argumentative polarity that enters the scenario if one were to become hyper focused on ultimate truth and lose sight of the operational truth, and another were to become fixed upon the operational truth and attempt to reduce the significance of the ultimate truth. The operational truth being that the teacher was in fact attempting to teach a lesson that may have been comparatively diminutive compared to and with respect to the girl's actual take on the event of having to wear elephant ears when her attention wandered. It is concievable that the teacher wanted to instill in this young lovely child that it is best to pay attention when an elder is speaking, teaching and taking responsibility for the installation of the information that will enable one to live an enriched life. It is assumable and reasonable too that the teacher was interested in that young child because she was a promising little girl and she did not wish to enable bad behavior that may serve to prevent that particular child from realizing that foreseen potential. The ultimate truth is that the girl's interpretations resulting from the teacher's poor appliication of discipline scarred her for life. A foothold in either argument is valid, the truth is though, proper and effective communication may have played a large part in a better outcome all the way around at the time the event occurred.

In order to illustrate an example of better communication, this could be portrayed from a different perspective. We could look upon the end result which was a young mind that while clearly bright was unable to process the positive, which would be in a result in which the disruptive behavior vaporized, and felt instead only the humiliation and the ridicule. Whether it was real or percieved, and to whichever degrees of varying combinations of "real' and "percieved" is at best a guess. We could then dash right to the firm conviction that the teacher was wrong. We could even develop a plot scenario in which the teacher hated the child and conspired alone or in concert even with others to destroy the child. Perhaps we could even go to the far left and decipher this treatment of one comparatively rowdy little girl as some indicator of a manifestation of a former abuse suffered by the teacher, perhaps as a child.

We can launch to any number of galactic destinations and in so doing crush all chances of survival of whatever good can come from the best use of the not less equally arguable position that the teacher meant well by the child. This is also, I need to point out, important in greater degree because to aid the girl who is now a woman, a beautiful, graceful and dignified lady in every aspect of the word, we can use a more positive take on the teacher's admittedly erroneous measures. We can best aid the woman in altering her internal self image to one that can better function in the world and best facillitate a higher truth. To do further the case against the teacher could validate a furthered sense of victimization to the already faulty sense of victimized self within this woman and change nothing in the victim, or do we do best by the teacher and work out the communication that never happened, and perhaps never could happen effectively in a case like this through the mental capacities of most children, and in so doing aid the victim; that is the question.

There any number of arguments, dispensations and diatribes of varying integrations that can be engaged.One is to consider the greater good for the greater number of people and find the nobility hidden in the very dough of this. There is in this approach the clear and distinct aura of a higher greater good in the more responsible use of proper interpretation and the processes by which conclusions are manifested and developed. Use of negative reinforcements does not pay the respect due to the future since the future is about the woman who was harmed. The use of phraseology and pontification that explores why it was wrong is an academic pursuit and best useful for teaching future generations of teachers/educators/influencers that their actions can and do last a lifetime and influence eternity.

None of that dialogue that reinforces the negative that has fractured this lady's interpersonal relationships for her whole life would serve the immediate purpose of improving the quality of life for this wonderful lady. She did graduate from school, she did find the internal moxy to overcome the pain inflicted upon her and prevail in the face of perils and obstacles all created for her-arguably-by her interpretations of that one teacher's "reasons" for making her wear "the big elephant ears". Those "reasons" turned out to be the things that she needed to learn differently. She needed to learn to eliminate the hate, anger, frustration, and sad dis-illusionment brought on by that traumatic poorly understood event. Her courage and the way she pushes herself to the very edge of her sense of emotional safety is a marvel to observe. Her courage and valor to challenge her great fear based sense of self is worthy of an award.

We must as responsible thinking people living in a world that demands with each generation ever-increasing levels of societal responsibility be ever vigilant in our work with the word. We must make clear the manifestations of our thoughts that result in actions and use and require proper and responsible use of words in order to convey those thoughts to others. We must be impeccable with our word. It must be honored as a means of conveying the essence of ourselves not only to those we know, but we must think of them as eternally connected to us through generations that have not yet arrived. Our word is all we will leave that will map who we are and what we believe and what those to come actually came from.

The word is as powerful as any action, we must never think to use it to undermine the greater good lest we in fact steal for ourselves and our own selfishness a piece of the future in that the future will have to bear the expense and burden of righting what we arrogantly and fraudulently took from it via selfish use of our words. As in the story above, the interpretations left to that little child to make charted the course of her life for four decades. They were expensive and in spite of it all she shows thru with facets that make pale a diamond today. She survived. We are all better off over that. The teacher had to be built to the occasion in order to do that. The deed itself had to be removed from the personna of the person in order for the woman to hate the deed and forgive the teacher, as well as learn to understand.

We must be as responsible with our word as well as with our valuations of our actions. Our actions not clarified can do great harm. Our word can do the same. We are responsible to make our word available and clear of deception, hate, and self inclination as possible and to think of our actions and words as having the power to affect generations, even eternity. When our word speaks against us, the only victim is us. It oddly sums up. It may mean if you can't think of something good to say...that says more about you than it does about the target of your intentions. Our word passes into eternity. If we have used it to spread hate over understanding then we have sent hate into eternity. If we use it to promote a deferred understanding that represents a minor truth that benefits only our generation we have stolen from our own grand children. If we do not use our word to teach of us and how we came to be on the path we are on we have sent confusion into the future and that will be our gift to the eternity which belongs to those we are supposed to love.

There was a time when the people who could write and use words walked with kings. They lived as influential people of affluence and power. Our word. Our effort to be understood. It is a higher responsibility and without scrutiny and honor, words can do eternal damage. The ancients knew that and acted as if they have a responsibility to the future. Humans are intellectual creatures. We do what we understand. We think what we understand to think. We act based on our understanding and what we think. There is little that can be attributed to lack of thought except deception, irresponsibility and disregard for the future. In those things we think only of ourselves and if we are going to work on leaving impressions, we cannot think only of ourselves or our own interpretations as if there will be no equal and opposite reaction.