Pop Princesses & Great Personalities: Why Britney, Christina, and Jessica Will Always Be Household Names

In this time of great strife and confusion, we as Americans should remember that this country is founded on three basic principles: truth, justice, and our obsession with celebrities.

Nary has a day gone by when an important issue like the presidential elections or a natural disaster isn't integrated with the latest details of Michael Jackson's latest bout with child molestation. Speculations about A-list couples are treated with as much importance as the war in Iraq, and tabloid magazines exist for the sole purpose of hunting up (usually, false) dirt about anyone remotely well-known for their headlines.

Where pop princesses Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and Jessica Simpson are concerned, their drawing power is obviously something besides the mediocre teeny-bopper soundtracks they specialize in. Far from the stylish clothing, hot bodies and hunky hook-ups, what probably continues to keep people's interests are their - GASP! - personalities.

Face it: pop stars are a dime a dozen; shows like 'American Idol' have made it painfully clear that a modicum of talent, decent looks, and total submission to greasy recording execs will get you a contract in The Biz. But what keeps them in the spotlight long after the "new kid on the scene" afterglow wears off is how they - namely, Christina, Britney, and Jessica - present themselves off-stage.

Take Britney Spears, for instance. The former Mouseketeer has long cast off her Mickey ears for see-through undergarments and belly-baring midriffs, and fans (and overprotective mothers) responded accordingly. Ms. Spears seems to take the brunt of the blame for "over-sexualizing America's youth" and using her natural assets to get ahead. It seems a mite unfair to use her as a scapegoat, especially since she's only doing what any other self-respecting, plastic surgery-acquiring, media-proclaimed shop-a-holic would do and trying to make a name for herself, but I digress.

The Britney fascination largely stems from the inconsistencies in her semi-outlandish behavior and proclamations during interviews. Britney says one thing and does another, and it drives us nuts. It's not that having one's first romp in the sack be with Justin Timberlake is particularly scandalous - it's that Spears' music and public appearances are so laden with sexual innuendo that the idea of her as a sweet little girl are almost laughable. Similarly, Britney seems hesitant to totally clarify anything about her life. And while it's her right to keep mum about breast implants, her virginity, and the details of her fake marriage, the fact remains that a little bit of gossip will go a long way. My suggestion: if Brit's tired of the spotlight, she'll realize that a little spot of truth can go the distance, too.

Such is not the case with Christina Aguilera, a formerly blonde bombshell whose drastic hair color change also seemed to usher in the end of any previously existing false pretenses about pop star etiquette - including, apparently, kissing-and-not-telling, being gracious about criticism, and modesty.

Christina's not known for her tact these days. If she doesn't like someone, she'll let them know it. Christina knows how to dish it out as well as take it - when Kelly Osborne commented that Aguilera's darkened locks and fake-n-baked skin made her look "like a twelve-year-old boy", Christina wasted no time in taunting back, "sounds like somebody has a crush". In response to former "Mickey Mouse Club" co-star Britney Spears' bashful confession that she yearns to have a voice more like Christina's, the fellow songstress just scoffed.

Aguilera's pipes are admirable, and not just for the purposes of singing. She knows what she wants, what she needs, whatever makes her happy and sets her free, and she'll say it. The adage, "stand up for what you believe, even if you're standing alone" comes to mind, and in a world of celebrity clones and drones, individuality should be applauded.

On the other hand, Christina's footloose-and-fancy-free lifestyle, combined with the devil-may-care attitude has really destroyed any remnants of her "good girl" image. If Aguilera gets a bad rap, it's not because she's inhibiting herself - it's that she'll bare anything. It's no wonder that her lip-lock with Madonna at the MTV Video Music Awards this past year got but a sliver of the attention that the Material Mom's suck-fest with Spears did - Christina's sexual exploits are no longer surprising to her audience. Christina's unbreakable - it's much more interesting to harp on Britney until she bursts from the pressure (and during an interview with Diane Sawyer, no less).

The last member of our pop-tart tribunal, Jessica Simpson, differs from her co-princesses in a couple of ways. She's the only one who didn't make it onto the "Mickey Mouse Club" as a pre-teen. She's also the only one who's married (for real) to Nick Lachey of 98 Degrees infamy, which is probably the only reason her popularity has jumped from B-list to A.

Of course, her and her hubby's show on MTV, "Newlyweds", dubbed by critics as a glorified replacement for "The Osbornes" is probably largely to blame for the rise to stardom. It's not just that viewers can tune in weekly to get a firsthand glance at how the rich-and-famous attempt to live somewhat normal lives - it's Simpson's absurd utterances that keep fans on the edge of their seats.

Phrases like, "is this tuna, what I have here, or is it chicken?" and "are buffalo wings made out of buffalo?" have become household names as much as Simpson has become a housewife. And while she may be too ditzy to realize that America's television audiences are laughing at her and not with her, credit must be given where it is due: Jessica Simpson can make an ordinary Doritos-munching couch potato feel like Einstein.

With the war in the Middle East riling up the state of our economy and political decisions for who knows how long, it's nice to have an outlet to channel all of our confounded emotions. Such is the purpose of celebrity idolatry - they make us laugh, they make us cry, they give us a reason to spend ludicrous amounts of money on CDs, movie tickets, and the latest issue of "Us Weekly".

But most of all, they just make us laugh.