Pop Psychology Trends: "Let's Talk About It"

As an older relative once remarked: "When do they find time to work?!" In light of one particular craze that's been popping up around the United States, that is a legitimate question... or, as stated on a poster on my living room wall: "Some people live life- others sit around and talk about it..."

Two of the most popular slogans often found on the walls of 12-Step meetings are "Paralysis by analysis" and "Keep it simple!" At first thought, one may simply assume these are good ideas; but reflecting on it a bit further, what comes to mind is the wonder of how or why people have the need for such basic, common sense principles to be plastered on walls-- why do they not automatically know these things?

The first part of the problem is the sweeping trend of "self-help" materials have given folks the notion "there is something seriously wrong with everybody;" the second part, naturally, is "and you darned well better figure out what it is." When Mr. or Miss Average, who do not have a host of "unresolved issues" dares to assert the fact, they are pounced at as being "In Denial"-- after all, look at how many books there are, and how many Programs exist-- surely this must mean there is something wrong with everybody...

The "something wrong" covers every possible area in life; and, by george, you must examine and analyze not only every aspect of your everyday life but every day of your life since you were born, in order to find something to "work on." Not only does this self-destructive concept lend itself to your daily life passing by unlived while you are "working on" this or that or the other thing, it places one in an unnecessary flurry of chaos.

Upon skimming through today's latest news briefs, one tidbit nearly jumped off the page: how to determine whether you are actually hungry, or whether you merely have cravings-- keep a daily food journal to record and examine your choices of the foods you eat. This was not on a site connected with the very real problem of eating disorders, it was only there for folks to analyze and examine their motivations in eating. As the younger generation might say: "Gah!"

The point: are there really that many people who are so out-of-touch with their own thoughts, emotions, motives, that so many feel the need to "analyze and examine" virtually every aspect of themselves and their lives? I truly believe that it is not the case for the majority-- it is another pop-psych fad in which the result is getting Mr. and Miss Average to doubt themselves when there is no legitimate reason for doing so. The average person is fully in touch with himself-- and has no need to "journal" or to "sit around and talk about it" in order to know and understand himself.

What began with self-help books filling the shelves of stores and libraries a couple of decades ago has gone to extreme proportions. While many were in the realm of assisting people in improving their lives-- "how to have a happier marriage," "how to communicate with your child," "how to stand up for yourself"-- has blossomed into a fury where average folks are being prodded to believe that nothing about themselves or their lives is satisfactory, that nothing about themselves or their lives is "o.k." as is, that it is necessary to tear apart everything from one's personality to their relationships to their childhoods in order to seek out problems which do not exist and give them something to "work on."

"There is something wrong with you (if you claim there isn't, you are In Denial)-- so let's go back thirty or forty years and examine 'how you felt' in Kindergarten, and how your father, by not giving you enough ice cream, was so 'abusive' that it's given you personality difficulties and standing in the way of you having a satisfactory relationship..." If you are mostly content with yourself and your life, "OMG, you're just not ready to See" all of those "UNRESOLVED ISSUES"!!!

Serious problems do exist-- many people have assorted addictions, many have mental conditions, but the "many" are not the majority. Likewise, the majority does not need to put their time into examining and analyzing their lives and pasts, or seek to "change" everything from their personalities to their lifestyle habits, or rely on "Programs" or "support-systems" in order to function. Every person has challenges in his or her life, sometimes very difficult ones-- but, as one Program states, that is "Life on Life's terms," not an "underlying sign" of some "old unresolved Issues." Every person makes mistakes in his or her life-- but it is generally a matter of realizing it, and going about things differently. The majority do not have a life filled with "issues"-- and if you do not like spinach, you are on a self-defeating mission if you think you must "look for something in The Past" that somehow "caused" you to dislike it.

In addition to giving people the message that there is something wrong if they are content with themselves and their lives in general, this pop trend concept, in looking for problems which do not exist, contributes to the downfall in personal interactions. You may hear "a relationship must be worked on!" No, it doesn't; but the concept, if taken seriously, can backfire: if you and your partner focus on working on your relationship, it will accomplish nothing but causing discontent where it did not exist, totting up grievances which would more satisfactorily be dismissed as unimportant if one were not urged to "talk about it and work on it," and planting seeds of doubt and problems which were not there to begin with.

The bottom line is that if you are essentially happy with yourself and your life, there is most likely not any "underlying old issues" that you must put your time, energy, and focus into analyzing and "working on." Nor does it mean there is something which you are "just not ready to See." What it does mean is that you are in the majority-- those of us whose focus is on living life, rather than hearing that you must look for problems which are not there.