Positive Steps to Help You Deal with Your Shyness

Shyness can be a huge burden in a person's life. I know. I have always been, by nature, a shy person. From my earliest childhood recollections, I was always a timid, fearful, and clingy type of a person. While there are many different contributing factors that can coalesce and result in a person being shy, the one common denominator that all shy people have is their fear of scrutiny.

Whether it's giving a speech in class, going on a job interview, or asking a person out for a date, shy people hate being "put on the spot"! Shy people, by nature, prefer situations in which they can recede into the background; not being the center of attention is where shy people feel most at ease. For some people, being shy is not a huge problem. For people who are mainly shy only in certain situations or who don't experience intense shy feelings, those people can function quite well.

However, when shyness becomes such a problem that it negatively impacts your quality of life - job choices or lack thereof, social life, educational goals, or your overall sense of worth and self-esteem - then it's time to become proactive and take steps to lessen or modify your shy behavior. As a shyness sufferer, I have found some things that have helped me in my battle to overcome my shyness.

First off, I wholeheartedly endorse finding a good therapist; whether a psychologist, social worker, or other mental health expert. Obtaining professional help from someone who can actively listen and understand your struggles with shyness can be of great help. There's no need to suffer in silence. By finding a qualified therapist, you greatly increase your chances of breaking free from the constraints that shyness places you in. Being able to talk freely and just describe what you are going through and experiencing in your life can be of great comfort.

Unburdening your soul can do wonders for your outlook; knowing that another caring individual can identify with your problem. I have been seeing a licensed clinical social worker as a result of my long-standing shyness and self-esteem issues. She has helped me to identify and refute many of my deeply-ingrained and rigid ways of thinking that have greatly contributed to my shyness and social fears.

By identifying and refuting many of your irrational and maladaptive thought patterns, you are able to see not only yourself in a much clearer way, but you are able to see the world in a much clearer way as well. This can have a profound effect on your life. From my experiences, much of my shyness and timidity stems from early childhood experiences and negative thought patterns about myself that have developed over the years. By attacking and refuting those thoughts, my therapist has given me a powerful weapon in which to reduce and, hopefully, eliminate the problem of my shyness.

Another step that I recommend taking to combat your shyness is to utilize positive visualization. Positive visualization simply means imagining yourself performing many of your feared situations in a positive, confident, and relaxed state and manner. The mind is a very powerful tool; you can use it to your advantage. Try to visualize a difficult situation as accurately as possible; the smells, the colors, the textures of whatever you are experiencing. Make the experience as real as possible.

Positive visualization works best when you are rested and you have a quiet place in which to relax and really focus on your trouble areas. Many people who use positive visualization will combine elements of meditation along with it. You might find it helpful to repeat certain phrases to yourself such as "relax" or "calm" while at the same time focusing on taking deep, long breaths in order to heighten your level of relaxation. By getting your body into a relaxed state while visualizing situations in which you have trouble being assertive or confident, you will "trick" your body into realizing that it can perform those very situations while remaining calm and confident.

Whenever I spend time utilizing positive visualization and deep breathing together, I always feel so much more at ease and relaxed after my session. The world seems brighter and my thinking more focused and sharp. The key thing is to continue to do it; try to do it at least once a day; more if you have the time.

The last piece of advice I would recommend utilizing goes hand in hand with what you are likely to experience by going to a therapist. The terms "cognitive restructuring" or "cognitive behavior modification" both refer to changing one's thought patterns to achieve more desirable forms of behavior. This is what I described in regards to seeing a therapist. But you can take it further and apply this to every aspect of our life on a daily basis.

This is really important. In my view, the whole foundation of shyness is based on false assumptions and beliefs that we as shy people have not only about ourselves, but about ourselves in relation to the world. For many of us, these thoughts and "ways of thinking" have been a part of us since we were children. So, in actuality, shyness has a very strong self-esteem aspect. By thinking negatively about yourself, by looking at yourself in a warped, skewed manner, and by expecting yourself to fail, you only defeat yourself before you even have a chance to pursue and achieve. I speak from experience.

I specialize in thinking negatively. Many times it's done almost subconsciously; I'm so used to it that negative thoughts seem to flow out of me like oil out of a well. However, what I have noticed is that on a day-to-day basis, if I really keep my thoughts in check, I can isolate them, refute them, or counter them with positive or more realistic thoughts.

It's also a good idea to keep a personal journal or log in which you can write down a list of positive affirmations and statements; then, on a daily basis, read them to yourself or out loud; meditate on those positive thoughts and statements, and force yourself to digest them! I still have a long way to go, but I am striving to improve each day. And I know you can too. We all can.