Possessive Relationships: When to Call it Quits

You've been planning a night with your friends for weeks, and you couldn't be more excited about it. You'll get dressed up, eat a light dinner, then it's off to the local bar or club for some good-old-fashioned clean fun. You'll catch up on the latest news and discuss last week's episode of Survivor; it's the perfect way to relax and kick back, without worrying about work or problems at home.

Then: disaster strikes. Your boyfriend doesn't want you to go out with your friends; instead, he wants you to stay at home where he can keep an eye on you and be sure you aren't flirting with other men. You're furious, but you call your friends to cancel because you don't want to make him mad.

I'd like to take a moment to examine this relationship. Although we all know that relationships should include trust, devotion and a measure of freedom, sometimes we feel the need to exact control over our partner in a way that isn't healthy for either person.

Most people attach the phenomenon of the possessive relationship to a man's inability to cope with his girlfriend's life outside of the relationship, but this isn't always the case. Women can be just as controlling as men, and it isn't healthy for either partner. Relationships are meant to bring two people together, but not to shackle one to the other.

If the above scenario sounds like your typical Friday night, then it might be time to call it quits. You don't need a second mother or father, and you certainly don't need to be made to feel like a child. You have to understand that you're worth much more, and that you have earned the trust of your boyfriend or girlfriend. Unless you do something to breach that trust, your significant other has absolutely no right to tell you when and where you will see your friends; that's your prerogative!

Too many people remain in possessive relationships because they don't understand that their partner is doing something wrong. Or perhaps they know it is wrong, but want to please that other person so much that they are willing to look past this obvious lack of trust. Whatever the case, you have to know in your heart that you can find a better relationship, and that your personal life should be your decision.

If you have fallen into a possessive relationship, talk with your partner and air your concerns. If he or she truly cares about you, then an effort will be made to curb their jealousy. If not, you'll know that it's time to call it quits.