Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: How I've Learned to Cope With My Father's Condition

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is arguably one of the most debilitating conditions to live with. It is terribly difficult to have this condition, and sometimes it seems even tougher to see a loved one suffering through it.

By definition PTSD occurs when someone has a continual, emotional reaction to an extremely traumatic situation. There are so many levels of PTSD and this condition is far from being completely understood. However, there is continuing research to help those with PTSD, specifically those who are suffering from combat-related PTSD. This subject is so important because my father was diagnosed as having PTSD years after the Vietnam War came to an end. His diagnosis only came after he had a severe auto accident that debilitated him for life. If you were to look at him, he seems perfectly normal and that can be one of the biggest disguises of PTSD. Those who have it can hide it very well. Little do people know that the mental anguish he deals with each and every day is sometimes too much to bear.

Dad is a Vietnam Veteran and he does not talk about his time serving at all, but we all know he did. We also know from our history that it was the bloodiest war and that the emotional scars it continues to have on our veterans; well, words just cannot begin to describe its effect. After his accident, dad began to act like a completely different man. After he came home from the war, he was able to assimilate back into society, though he did have a severe drinking problem that he was able to taper later. He did his job well, he was a security guard for Westinghouse for years. One day on his way to work he was side swiped by another vehicle rendering him with a severely fractured neck with heart and brain damage that doctors said would never go away. This was only the physical side effects from the accident. Of course that is enough for anyone, but it was also as if this accident brought back this monster that was stored away for so many years. All of a sudden Dad had flashbacks, would retreat into his room, would scream and yell for no reason, would emotionally manipulate his family, not meaning to. Once I went into his bedroom to tell him dinner was ready and he snapped, thankfully not hurting anyone. He screamed 'sometimes I see slanted eyes all of a sudden, you always knock when you come in my room!' Everything happening to us did not make sense. Where was the loving father who came home from work smiling without a care in the world? The accident triggered terrible memories of the war and my father just retreated into himself. I was five when the accident happened and am now 29 years old. For the past 24 years, my father's condition has steadily worsened. He has cut ties with all friends and is even trying to retreat from his family. There are still good days for him, but mostly there are things that bother him, that haunt him, that will never go away. Despite this, he is seeking help from various physicians and some medications are helping as well.

There are so many veterans living with PTSD. For some the condition is mild for they have the ability to repress terrible memories, some are able to deal with their demons. For others, PTSD has prevented them from functioning, for every day they deal with memories, and emotions that they simply cannot understand. So how do you cope with someone who has PTSD? It is difficult, but the very first thing that someone must do is understand the condition as much as possible. It is so tempting to just cut ties with someone who has already cut ties with you, or seemingly so, but it is vital that you support your loved one as much as they will let you. Most importantly support yourself. Arm yourself with the knowledge of PTSD. Simply knowing that PTSD can bring terrible nightmares, flashbacks, emotional detachment, unexplained violent behavior, and so much more will allow you to gain some perspective. There are veterans out there who are dealing with far more than their physical scars. Mental scars sometimes just cannot be fixed, but they can be dealt with. There is constant research and financial resources out there for our veterans. I think the very best medicine we can give our veterans, especially those suffering from combat-related PTSD, is our love, understanding, patience, and mostly our ability to adapt to life that is not always pleasant. It is not easy, but is very worth the effort.

It is important to understand that PTSD does not only affect our veterans and those currently serving in combat. PTSD can also affect anyone who has experienced a traumatic event whether this be rape, murder, the death of a loved one, the list can go on. There is help for those experiencing PTSD and their loved ones. If you have access to a computer, simply typing PTSD in a search engine can lead you to a multiple resources. One that has helped me is: http://www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/index.jsp

Just remember: Being there is not always easy but take this one day at a time. You may very well see a significant difference!