Post-Stroke Aphasia Piece Three

Before reading this piece, you might want to partake of my Intro -(http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/7973477/intro_to_my_three_new_poststroke_aphasia.html?cat=5)

& my Post-Stroke Aphasia Piece One, "Challenging Words & Images" -
(http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/7973591/poststroke_aphasia_piece_one.html?cat=5 )

& my Post-Stroke Aphasia Piece Two, "Love Replaced with Doubt & Debt" -
(http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/7976323/poststroke_aphasia_piece_two.html?cat=70 )

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Despite losing part of my brain power and losing my husband, I still have my passion for poetry!

I recently heard about another poet, Marie Ponsot, who had also suffered from a stroke, lived, but then struggled with one of the same side effects as me '" aphasia. I was very interested in finding out more about another poet with Aphasia, so I watched a long online video featuring her and others including therapists and health personnel.

The video is called Recovering Syntax: A Poet's Struggle with Aphasia.

It will be linked to at the bottom of this article, after I share some of my perspectives on its content.

1.Poets and other writers can feel especially devastated if they are suffering from Aphasia, because it can largely affect writing, reading, remembering, and communicating, Traits that used to be very powerful strengths they had are now more difficult to accomplish. Even if they are recovering reasonably well from their Aphasia, they still might have to concentrate much harder and more deliberately than they used to while communicating. Instead of speaking with automatic spontaneity, they need to think hard about everything they're trying to say. Near the end of the video, one audience member stepped up to make a comment; his speaking was very slow; he had also suffered from a stroke and had Aphasia. "I'm a humor writer and it's not coming back so far", he said.

2. Marie Ponsot felt as if her poetry writing skills were not anywhere near as powerfully, uniquely affective as they used to be, at least not at the time of this video. This made me feel lucky about myself, because even though my poetry tends to be shorter and somewhat stylistically different than it used to be, it still exists '" and I am truly delighted that I am still able to express myself that way, as my poeticism has been the most passionate part of me for many years. I don't know how I would have handled it if I had lost that passion or the ability to manifest it via my poetry writing.

3. Watching this video made me feel lucky and amazed to find out that I have a really small version of Aphasia compared to what some Aphasia sufferers go through. I feel extremely happy that I can still write and read and enjoy poetry, even though that is slower than it used to be. There are various broad spectrums of Aphasia. As I've said before, it is tough for me to remember an assortment of easy little words '" BUT I still know what most of those words MEAN '" and that is not the case for some people with Aphasia, who just blurt out seemingly random word assortments without even knowing their actual meanings. Some people with Aphasia cannot understand rhyming; would not know that ''¹..."cat' and ''¹..."hat' rhymed. Some people have such a severe form of Aphasia that they only say ONE word, over & over again. Shit shit shit.

4. Many people who had a stroke and then suffer from Aphasia are not sure what to do or how best to recover. Recovery studies are hard to get the government to help pay for; because they take so long, because everyone is different in terms of their side effects and what best helps them to recover. One person described her stroke as feeling like ''¹..."a ship wreck' of the brain. This reminded me of some months ago, when I had a follow up appointment with one of the doctors who had performed my surgery. He said he was impressed with how well I seemed to be recovering, because my aneurysms and stroke had been akin to getting shot in the head. I can also relate to the wanting to try one's best to recover, but feeling unsure how to do so. The therapist I was seeing for a while just gave me a bunch of paperwork to work on at home'" and I worked on it '" and some of it was almost easy whereas some of it was almost impossible for me '" and again, maybe every stroke/Aphasia sufferer is different and so some therapists don't know what best to do '" but I felt like my therapy had almost nothing to do with me personally. I've also felt as if I'd like to try another/different therapist, but I can't really afford that , so I guess I'm just trying my best to be my own therapist at this point in time. I will try my best to keep reading and writing and talking, even if I sometimes get upset or embarrassed when some easy little word won't come out right.

5. I can honestly admit one thing that has bothered and upset me is when I hear a medical expert (including one of the men in this video) state that the quickest/best recovery time for a stroke/Aphasia sufferer will take place within a few months up to one year '" after that, there probably won't be much more recovery and if there is, it will just be itty bitty little snippets. Hello, I don't feel like hearing that! That does not help me feel very positive! It has now been more than one year for me, since I suffered from my stroke and its resultant Aphasia. Have I made a lot of significant progress and recovery during that time? Yes. But am I fully recovered, with my brain feeling as strong as it used to be? No way. And I do not really want to think that there might not be much more recovery left for me! I want to think it depends on the individual and that I likely have lots more recovery remaining! I wish medical personal would help me feel more positive about that hope. I really don't want to hear medical personnel suggesting that there very well might NOT be much more recovery after this point! That might make some people feel like, ''¹..."What's the point of trying? I give up'. I won't be giving up though. I will continue to try.

6. At the end of the video, Marie Ponsot reads one of her old poems. She reads it well and seems to enjoy doing so. Near the end though, it looks as if she almost comes close to crying. Earlier in the video, she had spoken about how she could not write poetry the way she used to. I imagine it is very hard and challenging for her, not knowing if she will ever be able to write that well again. I read parts of another article written about Marie Ponsot after her stroke/Aphasia and that piece included the question, "What must it be like for a woman who has deployed words with such sparkling sensitivity to have to scrabble for syntax?" I think it can be very challenging for many stroke/Aphasia sufferers to not be sure if they will ever make it to the point of being able to accomplish certain things anywhere near as well as they used to. I also think it very important to do what you can to stay strong and try their best.

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"Riding the road-tide is dangerous

but it's not safe to stand still.

Hang on the verge & you drown."


Marie Ponsot

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A link to the video - Recovering Syntax: A Poet's Struggle with Aphasia

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGf_l3MwRBQ

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Links to my earlier post-stroke articles (and also stay tuned for an upcoming piece related to my plethora of mixed feelings about almost everything):


Juliet's very first small article about her Stroke - "Post-Stroke Survival and Sad Little Blues" - http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2807396/poststroke_survival_and_sad_little.html?cat=70

Juliet's second article about her Stroke and also about her Poetry - "Full Length Dissection" - http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/5602556/full_length_dissection.html?cat=70

Juliet's third article about her Stroke and Poetry, posted on her own blog & linked to by Big Tent Poetry - "Doll Injection Mold Disaster" - http://bigtentpoetry.org/2010/08/sideshow-finding-the-words/

Juliet's fourth article about her Stroke and her Divorce '" "A Round Thing that Starts with the Wrong Letter - http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/6187208/a_round_thing_that_starts_with_the_pg5.html?cat=5

Juliet's new POST - STROKE poetry chapbook - http://www.etsy.com/listing/68443790/post-stroke-by-juliet-cook