Potty Training a Three Year Old

Potty training. There are few more frustrating (or humorous) times in parental history. During the potty training period, parents are more susceptible to resentment; anger and feelings of inadequacy than at possibly any other childhood milestone, and yet potty training jokes are common enough to deserve a permanent chapter next to the 'a guy walks into this bar' jokes. Kittens learn to use litter boxes in droves without comment, but teach a human child to flush more than toys down the porcelain pool and suddenly everyone he knows is either laughing or shouting.

In my own experience I can claim to have potty trained successfully three times. Well, okay. That's actually a lie. I messed up really bad the first time, let the first one teach the second one - to my credit I did hang a picture of two kids on their pots next to our own - and am still working on the third... sort of.

With the third one, Aaron, I have taken the 'if it ain't broken don't fix it' approach. That is to say, I've been avoiding the issue, hoping that Trainer #1 would intervene once again. As my present trainer approaches 3 ½, though, I've begun to think that perhaps it's time that I broach the topic myself. I began with a dialogue on economics.

"Aaron, did you know how much a diaper costs? Each diaper costs around .16! That's .16 worth of candy and toys I can't buy for you. Do you understand?" Aaron looked back at me, his big blue eyes very serious, and nodded. As a grown up, however, I have to drive a subject into the ground -" otherwise known as elaborating.

"That means if I have to buy diapers for you, I can't buy candy. If you start going in the potty, though, you save diapers and I can buy you candy. Got it?" Again, Aaron nodded.

"Got it, Mom." He replied, and ran off to find something more interesting to do than discuss diaper prices with a thirty something SAHM that needed to be doing dishes. Rather than follow him, I turned to the above-mentioned dishes and pondered how I could be potty training someone that answered me with "Got it, Mom".

The next day I began the price of diapers talk again, conveniently enough as we strolled the candy aisle in the commissary. I picked up a bag of Airheads (one of his favorites), and waved it nonchalantly in the air. Suddenly Aaron was alert, his eyes transfixed on mine, as he tried to determine if I was planning to actually buy the candy I was holding or if it was some sort of trick. "Both." I thought to myself slyly, and I continued the conversation.

"Did you know," I smiled as sweetly as the candy I was holding, "This bag of candy costs as much as 15 diapers?" Aaron nodded vigorously. "Mama can't buy this bag of candy and 15 diapers. Which would you rather have, Aaron? A bag of Airheads or 15 diapers?" Aaron pointed to the candy. "Well then, you better start using the potty and saving those diapers, huh?" Aaron nodded and said, "Mama, I gotta go pee."

As I careened through the grocery store with my loaded cart towards the rest rooms, I marveled at how easy that had been (so far!). After dinner, Aaron "bought" his sister and brother candy from all the money he had "saved" by using the potty for a day.

Of course, that made him very popular and he actually earned a round of applause and thanks from his older siblings, providing some positive reinforcement from an influential source. On the whole, I'd say that my recent success finally makes me an expert potty trainer, fully qualified to give advice on the subject, if asked.

Of course, it helps to wait until your kids are old enough to understand simple financial concepts, too.

Please note: The names of the parties involved have not been changed to protect the innocent. The author fully plans to exploit the contents of this work to embarrass the parties involved in the presence of their future romantic interests. Secondly, the author does not believe any of the parties involved are innocent, and are therefore exempt from protective name changing.