Powerball Dreams

What a dream! We all have it (those of us in Powerball states and those close enough to drive to a Powerball state) and basically we all have the same short term vision. We would buy a house, new cars, change our phone numbers and travel the world. Well, my powerball dream is close to that but not exactly like that. First I would have a little fun with the media. They are soooo gullible and I would pile it on as thick as I could. When people win they are usually thrust in front of a bunch of cameras and asked what they will do. Oh, this is the best part of my dream. You will need just a little background information first. I am from Tennessee and my wife (not really, my girl of thirteen years and Tn has no common law) is from New Hampshire. I have that southern drawl and she has that, "pauk da kaa" thing going. Over the years our accents have basically canceled each others out so it is hard to tell where we are from. However, when inclined we both can go back to our original accents and smooth it on thick. So, with that in mind, let's go to my press conference.

"Sir, How are you planning on spending the four hundred million you just won?" (Note, when I dream, I dream big) My immediate response, without a moments hesitation would be, "Well, first of all I am going to get the ol' lady some new tires for her Honda, you know the wires been showing for a while now!" While I take in the wonderful look on their faces, I will go on with, "Then I plan on ordering me a two story single wide for my new trailer park." pause for effect, "As I would like my whole family to live with us just like on Dallas, except I wont have any horny ranch hands around to diddle my cousins/daughters!" This is great, they either think I am the biggest redneck to ever come out of the woods or I am smarter than the whole bunch of them. Truth is, it's a little of both. Then while they form their next round of questions I will go into a diatribe about how I hope to start a pitt bull refuge for abused pitts. (Truth is, there is a pitt refuge close to me that I would really donate to) Tell me I am not a redneck. I would also tell them how I planned to convert an old school bus into a "real live" tour bus for my jug band. You know, I would layer it on as thick as they wanted it...

In reality there are a few things that I would do. First I would buy my wife (not really) the nicest car ever built, the Buick Century. Then I would buy us a house near where we live now, maybe the "real world" which was formally owned by that country singer. (Cant think of his name now, it will come to me in a couple of days) Then I would order me five crew cab trucks all the same model and have them put together on a bus frame so I could have the biggest truck in Tennessee. (told you I was a redneck) Then I would buy my wife a summer home on Newfound Lake in New Hampshire close to her people. That is pretty much all I would really want to do for myself. Oh, I am sure we would take a vacation to Europe or somewhere, but mostly that is all I would really want. Without any hesitation I would give everyone in my family a comfortable start so they wouldn't have to worry so much. I wouldn't give any of them enough that they wouldn't have to work. Especially my kids. There are enough spoiled aristocrats in the world now. The rest I would do some good with.

To try to be good to my community, I would set up a dentist in a nice shop in town and give all the low income people free dental. Damn shame that in a country where we spend 28 billion on health care research a child can't get a tooth pulled. Then the most important thing I would do is set up a charity to help older Americans live at home longer. I hate warehousing the elderly, I think it is demeaning. I know that at some point it is imposable to care for the elderly ourselves. My family had to put both my grandfathers, my grandmother, my great grandmother and my uncle into a nursing home because they were too much to take care of. The thing is, there are allot of people in those homes that could have stayed in their own houses if they had a little help. I would have all of their maintenance taken care of, weekly cleanings, ( have you ever been in an elderly persons home and it smelled of waste, I don't know a nicer way to say that.) then I would have teams that did big stuff like repainting the interior and exterior as needed. Add wheelchair ramps and larger door openings for easier access, repair waterlines and heavy maintenance that the elderly cannot take care of. The heck of it is that allot of families don't have the time or resources to do that kind of thing. There are so many needs in the elderly community and they are overlooked because they are no longer "productive" members of society. Our society is one of the first to not revere the elderly. In the past, they were often the most important members of a society because they knew the answers to all of our questions.

Finally, I would spend a great deal of money trying to dispose of the lottery in my home state. The Tennessee State Constitution forbid lotteries of any kind and it took several years to get the constitution amended. I think it was a mistake. At the time, some jerk politicrate from Memphis pointed to Georgia and said, "hey look how great their system is." They fund college education for those who cannot afford it. (I thought that was what Pell Grants and Stafford Loans were for) In fact the requirements for lottery money are basically the same as federal funds. Then once it was passed they constantly passed around figures of increased college applications. What numbers they don't show is how many kids keep receiving those funds after the first year. (as your grade point average must stay above a certain level) They also don't show the family that goes without eating because dad and mom spent the last twenty dollars on false hope instead of food. Their chances of getting hit by lightning twice are better than winning the lottery. They also don't point out that little statistic. In all of the advertising, they show how much "fun" it is to spend your cash on false hope.

So, as you can see, I have mixed feelings on the lottery. I play the powerball once the winnings are above a hundred million. (let's face it, a dollar is not worth betting on twenty million, is it?) I never play the scratch offs (which I have named the "idiot tax"). O.k. so I have paid the idiot tax a couple of times. Not on a regular basis. It seems that the more I need cash, the more likely I am to waste it on lottery tickets. If I do that, how many people who are less fortunate do the same or more of it. Now, I am poor. However, there are always people worse off. That is what gets me through the hard times in life when I think of people who are literally starving and I am merely worried about my cable getting cut off. My father used to say, "America is the only place in the world where you can complain about hard times while eating a steak!" How true is that. So as you can see, I would love to win the Powerball and on the other hand, I would love to have it banned in my state. So, those of you who play, remember that there are more horror stories related to the lottery than fairy tales. If you win, do what is right in the sight of God before the devil crawls in your head and drags you to hell. A bit dramatic don't you think? It makes the point though doesn't it?

Good luck to all of you. I hope that at one point that you get to be rich. However, your wallet is not what makes us rich, it just gives us a different set of problems. Every rich person that I know is so worried about their money that they cannot trust or truly love anyone, they are always suspicious of everyones motives. I am sure that you have thought about who in your family would be the first to try and scam you if you won, haven't you? That is one reason that America will never change the rules for the wealthy. Those of us who aren't, hope to be. Those of us who are, will never allow it. Wealth is a trap, one that I like to think that I could handle. However, I truly believe that God will never allow me to be rich because he knows that I would kill myself. Not intentionally or anything, but have you ever seen the "curse of the lottery" program on T.V.? It has one story after the other of peoples misfortune after they think they have it made. How about the man in Virginia who's granddaughter overdosed using his money? Would you trade anyone in your family for a million dollars? None of us would, if you answered yes to that question then we know what type of person you are.

That reminds me of a joke, after I tell you this, I will finish my Powerball Dream article. There were three guys eating dinner at a fancy establishment. When the check came (by way of a beautiful waitress) The older of the gentlemen asked the waitress, "Would you have sex with me for a million dollars?" The waitress replied, "Well, I guess for a million dollars I would!" Then the same guy asks, "How about for five hundred dollars?" At which the waitress replied, "What kind of girl do you think I am?" The gentleman flatly replied, " Well young lady, we have already established that, now we are just haggling over price." See what I am saying, if you will sell your soul for twenty million, you might as well sell it for two dollars. Like the Bible says, what has a man gained if he owns all the world and lost his soul? I am paraphrasing there as I did not look up the actual quote. So, I guess I would love to win big at powerball, however, I think that if I did, I would try and give back to the world instead of letting it control me. I suggest that you form a plan just in case the old saying is true, "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it!" Later.....Zgrinch.......