Pregnancy: When Something Goes Wrong:

During pregnancy the main concern you have is for your baby's health. There are so many emotions during pregnancy as it is, so it's completely normal to feel worried or concerned even when nothing's wrong. It's your natural instinct as a parent. For many cases, pregnancy is a joyful experience. You spend nine months caring for this little one in the womb, and on delivery day everything goes great. Unfortunately, life doesn't always grant perfection. This is where understanding and strength as an individual comes in.

I was 30 weeks along and getting prepared to meet my son. Everything had gone wonderful my entire pregnancy up until this week. I was told by my Doctor that they wanted to get another ultrasound because they couldn't see the heart like they wanted. So I went to a specialist. Granted I was completely ignorant to what I was about to face. I was under the impression that the baby's position just made it difficult, so I went to the appointment like I would any other.

During the ultra sound the Doctor didn't say anything that made me concerned. After he got done, he told me to go to his office. Still, I didn't think anything of it. My mom had come with me that day, I remember the doctor sitting on the other side of the desk, pulling out a piece of paper and saying "In these types of cases..." Instantly, I knew something was wrong. My head was telling me that I didn't want to hear what he was about to say. So many thoughts were generating, and I asked him to just say it. I couldn't wait for him to draw it out. He told me that my son had a Diaphragmatic Hernia. I had no clue of what he was talking about. What was it? How serious was this? Was he going to be ok? I felt like everything was in slow motion, I couldn't take in anything he was saying.

He continued to explain what it was. The only thing I gathered was that there was a hole in my sons diaphragm and his intestines were going up into his chest cavity and pushing his heart and lungs over. Ultimately, this would prevent his lungs and heart from maturing. In many cases if it happens early on in pregnancy, your child is less likely to survive.

He tried to be optimistic in saying that it looked like the hernia happened recently. This didn't help my optimism. All I knew is that there was something terribly wrong, and I didn't know how to deal with all my emotions. I was angry, confused, hurt and scared. Now, it was the waiting game. For the following weeks, I felt like my whole life changed. I couldn't be excited about giving birth to my little man, I didn't know if I would get to keep him. It was all based on the severity of the hernia and the damage done.

The day had come, and instead of a natural delivery they did a C-section because his heart rate wasn't handling the contractions. So, they took me in and proceeded with the delivery. For some reason, just for that moment, I wasn't scared. All I felt was happiness to see him. It was one of the best moments of my life, but it was brief. All I wanted to hear was him cry just to know that he was ok, and I did. It was a little whimper, but it was enough. I looked over and they had him in an incubator taking him away. I didn't get to hold him, and I only saw his face for a second.

They ended up transporting him to CHOC Hospital. This is where they were going to do the surgery to repair the hernia, and that is where he stayed for 2 months. He was my little fighter, and he made it though.

How I coped:

When you become pregnant you instantly become a parent. All selfishness disappears, and your baby becomes the most important thing to you. I knew that no matter what happened, I had to stay strong. This wasn't so much for me, but it was for him. If I let myself become weak, then I would lose control. How would this help? It wouldn't. So instead of thinking negatively I turned my emotions around and began to think that everything was going to be ok.

When I was having a rough day, I would take it minute by minute, slowly making my way though each hour. Like in any situation you're going to feel mixed emotions. Those emotions pass, and another one will come on. I dealt with each one at my own pace, and it eventually made me stronger. So when he was born, I was prepared. I analyzed everything that could happen, and became ok with each outcome. I didn't let the situation stop me from the enjoyment I had when I saw him. I knew that I was a mother, and that I had created a beautiful baby boy. I didn't want to let that moment be ruined.

6 ways to cope:

1. Analyze your emotions- if for example you're feeling sad, try to turn it around by thinking that "everything will be ok because..." this will allow you to accept the situation, and the emotions your facing. Pinpoint the exact feeling that's making you sad, and distinguish whether or not it's realistic. For example: if they haven't told you that the worst is going to happen, don't assume it is. Think positive.

2. Ask your Doctor questions- Always ask when you're in doubt. If you don't understand something, make it so you do. If you are in the dark, then that will make you more likely to think the worst, Or in some cases the opposite. Make sure you are educated on the subject so you can be prepared for anything.

3. Understand the problem- Like I mentioned before, if you don't understand the problem then you will assume the wrong things. Gain control of what's going on, and face it. Educate yourself.

4. Think positive- I cannot stress this enough. If you think negatively then you're only doing more harm to yourself and your child. It causes more stress. If in worst case scenario you know that the outcome isn't going to be good, then find a way within yourself to embrace it and accept it. I know it sounds impossible and typical for anyone to say. Trust me; the last thing I wanted to hear was that! But it works, someway, somehow it does.

5. Distract yourself by staying busy- If you allow yourself to sit and think then you'll most likely become depressed. This is dangerous for anyone that's already upset about something. Get out and keep yourself occupied. When worst comes to worst, go for a walk. This will get you out of the house and clear your mind.

6. Dealing with concerned family members- For some people having friends and family around makes things better. For others, they would rather be alone. The natural instinct for friends and family is to ask how you are doing and to look at you like they feel sorry for you while asking questions that you may not know the answers to. Try to be sympathetic to their response. It might get frustrating (It did for me) but know that they are your support group. Just let them know that you aren't up to talking about it, and that you would like some time to yourself. Don't make the mistake though of completely separating yourself from those that care for you, give yourself time and when you're ready open up and talk with those you confide in most.

I wish all parents going through this the best of luck. Stay strong!