Pregnancy Thoughts: What I've Learned While Pregnant

Throughout my pregnancy, I've had all the time in the world to think. So many thoughts and ideas and conclusions have come into my mind and I feel as though I have a heightened awareness of everything that is going on around me. Human behavior can never fully be comprehended, yet I feel as though my understanding of it right now is as clear as it will ever be. I don't know if it's the numerous changes associated with being pregnant or the fact that I'm not drinking, but everything just seems so....enlightened. I have a focus and clarity that was previously missing. After I have Adam, I sincerely hope I can retain some of this newfound wisdom. I've been thinking about myself, pregnancy and birth, the actions of others, and life in general. Hopefully you can learn from some of these.

Growing a new life inside of you really puts things into perspective.

As I was telling Kristin last week, things that were important a few months ago aren't even a blip on my radar now. In a situation where I would normally call somebody on their behavior or argue just for the sake of arguing, I stay silent. This doesn't mean I'm a pushover. My priorities have shifted. Keeping track of my exact GPA for every moment in time, stressing about getting a "good" job, wondering how I'll ever finish my novel in the midst of everything...it's just not that important. There is a little person inside of me! What could possibly be more important than that?!

It is a waste of time and energy to be mean.

It is really consuming to have an ongoing conflict with somebody. Fights bring out the worst in us all, and harboring anger and resentment is so unhealthy. If you had a problem that was never resolved-- and you know it will never be resolved-- put it behind you. Just let it go and move forward because nothing good will come from dwelling on it. And if you are having an argument with somebody, stop and take a good look at what's happening. Oftentimes fighting spins out of control, with each person trying to "one up" the other and see who can hurt each other the most....and in the process, the actual cause of the conflict is lost. If you've reached the point of this never ending circle, find out exactly what you need to do to get back to the core of the issue. And then see what you need to do to fix it. If no compromise can be reached, see if the person is really worth the trouble and act accordingly. Whether it's a close friend or a stranger on the street, it hurts when somebody is being mean to you. So cut back on those rude comments because they just aren't necessary. Be the kind of person that makes others feel good about themselves. Now that I am not having problems with anyone or carrying the burden of bitterness, I feel free. When you factor in my decision to be kind and treat others how I want to be treated to that freedom.....I'm downright liberated!

Pregnant women are exhausted.

In the grand scheme of things, I've had a very easy pregnancy. And when I say easy, I'm referring to things like no morning sickness, no out of control hormones, no radical changes internally or externally with my body, no complications, things of that nature. While I know I am extremely lucky, the vast majority of pregnant women have a much more difficult nine months. I can't even imagine how rough it must be to experience a difficult pregnancy on top of the universal pregnancy complaint....exhaustion. There are no words in the English language to explain to the general public how tired I am. All of my energy has been drained. I thought the most severe case of mono I had was tiring-- wrong. It was nothing compared to this. I can barely hold my eyes open and my body is so weak. Please don't take it personally if I don't feel like leaving my house. Even taking a shower and putting on clean clothes is a task in itself.

MySpace is my best friend.

Perfect for the tired and pregnant, MySpace has never been more appealing. I'm embarrassed to tell you exactly how much time I spend on it each day. Suffice it to say I fill out every survey I get, read all bulletins, and try and make sure I give everybody wonderful comments. I could sit here and laugh at myself for not doing more productive things, but instead I'm going to use my addiction to MySpace to my advantage. It's a great way to stay in touch with out-of-town friends and get to know new ones.

I am not the center of the universe.

Once upon a time I was a spoiled, selfish brat. Not anymore. In March I'm going to meet the most spoiled and selfish thing ever [except maybe for myself when I was that age heh] and I've made the transition to realize this world isn't about me. From here on out there are going to be a lot of things that don't go my way. And I'll have no choice but to get used to it. If I have free time now, I won't be getting a massage or hitting the clubs. I'll be catching up on much needed sleep. Any extra money I have won't be spent on makeup I don't need, it goes straight to baby expenses. I want the absolute best for him and I'm willing to spend every penny I have to make sure he has what he needs. Originally I had planned a week at a resort in Turks and Caicos in Summer of 2009....but if there is anything at all Adam needs or if that trip cannot fit into our budget as easily as it does now....I just won't be getting another stamp in my passport. End of story. I'll drive to Pensacola and stay with Mandy. ;)

...And neither are you.

A few weeks ago I sent a friend request to my most recent ex. I didn't mean anything by it, I was simply trying to be nice. He denied my request and sent back a message that said: "I'm still working on trusting you and your sarcastic attitude." I laughed out loud. Trust was never an issue in our relationship, nor did it have anything to do with why it ended....and everyone knows I'm sarcastic. What really bothered me about this message was the implied tone. "If you want my holiness to honor you with my online presence you must prove how badly you want it by conforming to my expectations!" Seriously dude, get over yourself. I sent a virtual request for an online social network, I could really care less if he [or anyone for that matter] chooses to accept. And I'm sure as hell not changing myself for anyone, whether it's over the computer or in the real world. One person does not make or break my life, and the farther you are from my inner group....the less I care.

Fake people make me ill.

If you dislike somebody and/or constantly bash them behind their back, there is no reason for you to talk to them unless it's absolutely necessary. Don't pretend to like them. Don't act like you are their friend. Don't try to form an alliance to "get" something from them....just leave them alone. If you see them, act like an adult and be civil. It is entirely possible to be polite without being artificial. It's called maturity.

Use your own brain as opposed to Groupthink.

Just because the group you associate with hates Suzie Q doesn't mean you have to adopt their official policy. If Suzie Q's never done anything to you, just say "I don't have a problem with her" and leave it at that. It's probably too much to ask for most people, but if they know that their friends have done something wrong and Suzie Q has every right to be upset....they should call them on it. I can't help but remember somebody I dated long ago whenever I think of how unfair group dynamics can be. When I dated Johnny Q, he introduced me to all his friends and they seemed like great people. I ended up spending most of my time with them-- whether he was there or not-- because I enjoyed their company and they genuinely seemed to like me. Once we broke up, they dropped me like a hot potato. They never spoke to me again or gave me a second thought. At first I was stung by the unexpected excommunication, but then I realized I didn't want people like that in my life anyways. Don't let a single person's breakup or conflict determine your relations with a person who has done nothing to harm you.

Walk a mile in my shoes.

I've said this before and I'll say it again. Don't talk about people whom you've never even met. Don't act like you know anything about them because you don't. If you don't know somebody, don't judge them. Period.

How do single mothers do it?!

What's the biggest argument I've had with Will lately? It's a tie between the color scheme of our nursery and who gets to write in the baby scrapbook first. My husband is absolutely thrilled about our upcoming arrival. He works his ass off to make sure that we are prepared financially for the baby, but he still manages to find time to rub my feet and ask about my day. From picking those adorable baby clothes to discussing the values he wants to instill in our son, he's very much involved in the entire process. I can count on him 100%. Yet it's still going to be difficult and we won't be fully prepared, even as a team.....so I have the ultimate respect for any woman who goes through this without their partner's active participation and support. Anyone who can do that is a strong and courageous person and they have my full admiration. Hats off to you, ladies.

Don't ever be afraid to ask for help.

After Maris gave birth to the twins, she was suddenly thrust into the world of first time motherhood with two screaming infants. Her husband worked constantly and her family offered minimal assistance. She almost had a nervous breakdown. The major mistake she made was not speaking up and demanding help. Your friends and family might not rush to your side after you get home from the hospital, but don't be afraid to ask for what you need. I knew nothing about babies at that time and was scared to hold them, much less be alone with them. So I decided to help Maris in other ways: I washed her dishes, folded laundry, and tidied the house. There are plenty of ways to contribute that don't involve children, and you should never be afraid to ask for what you need to make things a little bit easier for yourself.

My body is a wonderland.

In the five months I have been pregnant, I've gained 7 pounds. Unless you are staring directly at my belly you can't even tell I've gained weight other than a rounder face. However, a few months before I was pregnant, I gained 30 pounds when I quit drugs. This made me extremely self-concious. As a result, I started being excessively vain with things like hair and makeup to "compensate" for my body. Now I just feel silly. I look at pictures of myself when I was unhealthy and I look like a prisoner from Auschwitz. I looked disgusting. Those 30 pounds I gained were what my body needed to function. I could have easily gained 40 or 50 and still not be "overweight" by most people's standards. Since I've been pregnant, I've realized that my body is so much more than a vanity object. It is a protective house for my baby. My goal now is to create a healthy environment for the child inside of me and maintain that environment for future children. I'm in awe of all the wonderous biological functions my body is capable of, and I will never again view my outer shell with such disrespect.

Raising a baby ain't cheap.

Very few of my friends have children, so I want to take this chance to reiterate just how expensive a baby is. I was extremely lucky and had a crib and changing table to start with, but here are some of the additions I have made or will be making to my guestroom: crib mattress, crib sheet, crib mobiles, changing pad, diaper bag, diapers, baby wipes, stuffed animals, toys, books, high chair, bouncy play thing [I still don't know the scientific name for this], flat play surface with overhead hanging stuff [or this], first aid kit, formula, a baby tub, towels, a car seat, clothes and onesies for all possible weather conditions, hats, booties, bibs, stroller, chest of drawers for baby storage, monitor set for both our rooms, portable carrier, lamp, nightlight....and that's just what I can think of off the top of my head. I won't have much money to spare, so please understand if I'm not dining out and doing costly activities for a very long time.

...But it can be affordable.

I have two pieces of advice to make pregnancy as affordable as possible: seek help and stay practical. Use whatever means are at your disposal. As soon as I found out I was expecting, I went to health services and got on WIC. Having staple foods

Take pregnancy advice in stride.

Everyone has something to tell you about being pregnant, from your nosy aunt to complete strangers. Mostly it's a long list of restrictions and unwanted advice. Be polite about it but know that what you do is ultimately up to you. Your diet, your lifestyle, how you raise your child...don't let anyone tell you how to do that.

Marriage has made my life so much easier.

Until I met Will, I was never fully satisfied in my relationships. I was always searching for something more. Basically, I kept my options open whether I was involved with somebody or not. I did not have a problem being unfaithful or forging emotional connections with other people. If I was single, I lamented the fact that I was unattached and hoped that someday I'd find "the one." When I was having relationship issues, I cried tears of frustration, not because I was hurt but because even then I knew it was unworthy and I was wasting precious time. When you find that one person, everything just clicks. Will is my best friend, my partner in all senses of the word, and the person who will unquestioningly be on my side. Life starting making sense when I met him. I realized this was somebody I wanted to spend the rest of my life and have children with....not because he was the best I could get, but because he was the one I truly wanted. Marriage went from being another rite of passage into adulthood to something I was eagerly anticipating. Of course you don't need to be married to have this kind of relationship with somebody, but for me, it helps. Everyone takes us much more seriously when we are legally bound. And I never have to worry about him breaking up with me, because we're stuck together.

I want to help people.

That's why I am not longer pursuing a legal career. I want to work in a capacity where I give my talents-- and my passions-- to the world. What I do should be meaningful and beneficial, leaving a lasting impact on others. So I've decided to go to graduate school for Sociology and see where it takes me. As a lawyer I would make more money and not worry about job security....but with this I'll know I'm contributing and feel fulfilled. And that's what really matters.