Pre-Holiday Delirium

With only 3 days left until our family holiday celebrations I, like some of you, am finding myself pressed for time. With food to prepare, gifts to wrap, a house to clean, business deadlines to meet, end of the month, quarter and year outputs I feel like I am wearing my shoes backwards.

I've always been the first one to tell a friend or family member to take a deep breath, relax and it will happen. But it's not about them now, it's about me and I can't breath.

It may have something to do with my husband's obsessive behavior pattern to begin new projects the week of, or days prior to, an important gathering. He didn't let me down this season. For three years I have asked him to build a storage pantry in a small hallway leading to the basement. Three years later he decided this week was as good a time as any. Call me silly but does this man not live in the same house as me? So far we have a primed pantry with no doors in need of a final coat of paint, oil based mind you, emitting an odor that is slowly overtaking any indication of holiday scents that have been strategically placed around the home. I hate to even mention the saw dust stuck in the dog's fur balls. Somehow, my husband's projects become my projects. I seriously think there is some kind of sick, perverse, uncontrollable voice in a man's heads that says,

"You got her now baby. She wanted this and she's going to help me with it 'cause she wants it done. NOW while she's stressed." Can this be the same voice that says,

"Ah Yes...a SBD, time to flap the sheets!"

So I spent a day plus priming "my" pantry. There has always been a strong clarification on his part that every project was "for me." I keep this in mind and would suggest the rest of you do as well by restricting your husbands usage to all such "your named" projects until a firm contract is laid out and signed.

Door handles. I'd just replaced my kitchen door handles and hinges...myself. He was busy, you all recall his car restoration project, and there was no special event in close enough range to bother taking the time to annoy me. The night before last our conversation went something like this:

"Dee, do we have any door handles left over?" (We?)

"I don't know hon, I didn't pay attention to that as long as I had enough for the kitchen."

"You didn't pay attention!"

" No ,I didn't pay attention. You know, like when you're watching TV."

" Well &@#@ Dee. It'd have been nice if they matched the kitchen handles."

"I know hon. Once that pantry is hidden behind the basement door it'd be super to be able to visualize a symmetrical kitchen to pantry flow."

"Don't be a smart ass. I'm just asking if you had an extra handles."

" Hon, I'm a female. I don't have that same "store your unused metal products for possible future use" tendency."

"Ok. Can you look? We've already been to Home Depot twice and we could have gotten them then if I knew needed them the first time we were there."

"You didn't ask me then." (Wrong thing to say) "Why not look in your metal stash?"

" Dee for $&*#$ Sake why would I save a knob or two?" ( Dummy down syndrome)

"I know. How silly would that be."

I did find one knob from the kitchen. We need four. So while he's at Home Depot this evening perusing the bountiful array of, " Who cares what it looks like it's behind closed doors" knobs, I will be at home, cooking, cleaning, wrapping gifts and perhaps enjoying a glass or two of my favorite Merlot. Until I hear the sweet, ringing of my husbands voice in the air.

"Hon. If you're not busy can you put the knobs on tomorrow."

Happy Holidays.