Premenstrual Dysphoria: 10 Tips to Survive a Difficult Wife

The distinct personality change that occurs at certain days of the month is dreaded by husbands of women with Premenstrual Dysphoria. A sharp contrast to the woman he fell in love with, a husband finds himself the object of his wife's wrath. His romantic interludes are met with disdain. All of a sudden, he is the cause of all the problems in his wife's world. It leaves the man in the relationship utterly confused. The tension lasts anywhere from 3 days to 14 days. Then one day, the wife goes back to her sweet self. The wife tells her husband that she has her menstrual period. The husband sighs with relief. The Premenstrual Dysphoria is over at least until next month.

The Wife with Premenstrual Dysphoria

It starts with the wife making seemingly innocent remarks about her appearance. She elicits comments about her weight gain, complexion or signs of aging. If you affirm her doubts, she feels so distraught. If you negate it, she accuses you of of lying. If you ignore her, she hoovers you into a squabble. You feel her emotionally demanding for your attention and time over trivial concerns.

A few days later, your wife begins to make snide remarks at you. She looks very irritated. Her verbal attacks become more targetted, pronounced and personal. This makes you literally "walk on eggshells" around her.

Though you know she can multi-task easily, she seems very distracted and forgetful during this period. She complains about how the mess in the house torments her. Even a small lapse in the way you organize personal items in the bathroom is criticized. Her reactions to your facial expressions and comments become overboard and beyond logic.

The timing of your arrival home from work becomes fatal especially when no reason is excusable and no excuses are reasonable. Your unresolved arguments with her can even lead to a threat for a divorce. In exasperation, you make yourself busy in the garage and avoid her. She bursts into uncontrollable tears for being apathetic to her concerns. She claims you frustrate her immensely. She continues her litany of ill feelings. You cannot escape a nag from her.

This scenario is too familiar. You know what to expect. Most of the time, you zone out. You sit in front of your computer pretending to listen. You glance secretly at the calendar in your computer. A voice inside your head nervously reminds you, "It is the monthly torture! Your honey is PMS'ing." Some husbands will not hesitate to call it PMS for "Prehistoric Monster Syndrome." You imagine the woman in your life turn to a beast eager to cut your head off at the slightest provocation. It is happening again.

The Medical Explanation and Treatments

Premenstrual Dysphoria is also called "Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD). It is a severe form of premenstrual syndrome (PMS) occurring in women of reproductive age. It is said to begin after ovulation, around 14 days prior to the onset of the next menstruation. PMDD can be manifested as irritability, anxiety, a sense of feeling overwhelmed and poor impulse control.

A woman's feelings become intensified during this period. Her senses are heightened. She is hypersensitive to everything going around her. She has no tolerance for imperfections during these times. She feels a rush of courage in expressing her thoughts and feelings. She is impatient for action and would not tolerate procrastination.

The cause of PMDD is unknown though it points to hormones and serotonin levels in women. PMDD responds well with taking vitamin B6 and calcium supplements, exercise, herbal therapies (primrose oils and chaste tree berries). Drug therapy, using SSRI generic anti-depressants (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) like Fluoxetine, Citalopram, Paroxetine (Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil), are highly effective.

Tips to Survive Your Difficult Wife

How can you maintain a sense of calmness from a "Jekyll and Hyde" relationship that occurs monthly for days? How can you comfort the woman who is ready to rip you apart? As long as you do not make the mistake of calling it "PMS" in front of your wife, you can definitely survive these monthly episodes.

1. Do not defend yourself or react to her comments. Instead, assure and validate her feelings.

2. Practice deep, slow breathing exercises to calm yourself. Engage in an intense physical workout during this period so you would be too exhausted to argue with her.

3. Do not oppose her. Tell her she is right even when she is wrong until you are in a safe distance from her.

4. Encourage her to shop or to do any activity she considers "worthwhile". This is the best time to treat her out and make her feel special. Roses, candies, chocolates, gift cards and diamonds may diffuse anger.

5. Take her away from the children or relieve some of her responsibilities. Order carry out dinner meals. Submit to her a detailed written plan or checklist of the things she needs done in the house.

6. Do not put a limit to what you can give her. Pamper her with whatever she needs. Suggest to drive her to a friend's house and tell her not to worry about staying out late.

7. Be serious and try not to be silly so she won't misinterpret your intentions. Do not share any of your anxieties.

8. Be on time from work and your appointments with her. Keep the house clean. Be mindful of your clutter in the bedroom and in the bathroom.

9. Surprise her with romantic love letters and love notes around the house even if she initially rejects you.

10. Massage her neck, shoulders, feet and then her back for hours or until she needs it.

Conclusion

You can survive Premenstrual Dysphoria if you look past the "emotional monster" that seems to take hold of your wife. Though her reactions to the situation is intensified, the concerns of your wife are valid. Reacting defensively to her verbal attacks will worsen the situation for she does not think you see her reality. For her, the situation merits immediate action. You can demonstrate your understanding by not forcing the "PMS" issue on her. Instead, assure her that you will double your efforts to meet her expectations. If you react in a calm, non-threatening way to her concerns, she will find no need for a fight. If you anticipate the emotional roller coaster ride, you can use it to your advantage to show her your deep, unwavering love. She will return back the favor when her Premenstrual Dysphoria is over, that is, if she remembers.

Sources:

"Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder: Guide for Clinicians", Dr. Hal Elliot, NCmedicaljournal.org
"Diagnosis and Treatment of Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder", Subhash Bhatia, MD and Shashi Bhatia, MD, American Academy of Family Physicians, AAFP.org