Preparation is Vital to Having a Good Conversation

Though conversation is the main way in which humans establish and maintain bonds, very few of them are any good at it. Fewer still recognize either this lack or a need to remedy it. Those who do wish to take steps are often embarrassed that they may need to read a book or two, or an article like this one. Don't be. Conversation is a skill, just like playing a video game or baking a cake, and skills have to be learned.

If you don't consider yourself particularly good at the game of conversation, particularly if you tend to "freeze up" or "blank out," this is most likely due to the fact that you are trying to go about it blind. In order to have a good conversation, you have to be prepared. Although that seems counter-intuitive, think of why the best actors are so good - because they deliver their lines as if the words were rolling right off the tops of their heads. And the only way to do that is to learn those lines very well.

People who seem able to pull a conversation out of their ear at the drop of a hat are probably some of the most prepared people you will ever meet. Like actors, they have material. You can have material too. In order to prepare material for conversation, you must first know what situation you are preparing for. Where do you wish to converse with people? With whom do you wish to speak? You can't have an answer like, "Everywhere" and "Whomever." You have to know what situations you are most likely to encounter people in and work from that.

For instance, if you want to be a better conversationalist at networking events, then do a little research before your next event. Know who is going to be there and what your goal for the evening is. If you have a goal such as, "Collect contacts for future newspaper stories," as I have done in the past, then conversation may be a bit easier for you that evening, because you have a ready-made agenda.

Your agenda is the most important part of your preparation. If you know what you want to accomplish before you walk into a situation, then that will inform your actions.

In addition, decide what you would like to tell people about yourself. If you are an author whose book has just hit the shelves, then this can be a great opportunity to sell yourself. Perhaps you are looking for the love of your life. In that case, you will want the women or men that you meet to know about your best qualities.

No need to be embarrassed. Though conversation is basic, it is by no means instinctive, no matter how strongly we feel it should be. Being a good conversationalist is a skill. If you meet one, you can be sure he's read a book or two on the subject.