Preparing for the Parent-Teacher Conference

As a teacher, I have had many parent-teacher conferences and written countless progress reports. This year, I find myself at the other end of the conference table - as the parent of a kindergartner. I never imagined that the anticipation of progress reports and conferences could create so much anxiety! The time for our first parent-teacher conference is fast approaching. So here are my tips for a smoother conference.

For the parent:

1. Be prepared. Know what your child has been doing in class and take an honest look at the work. Is is complete, accurate, neat, organized? Recognize the strengths and weaknesses you see and make a list for yourself. These are points to bring up with the teacher. Do you and your child's teacher see the same things? Why or why not?

2. I plan to put all of my son's worksheets, artwork, projects, etc. In a binder organized chronologically. Some things to look for: Are there things that your child seems to be better at than others? Do you see improvement over time or has qualilty gone done? A change could indicate a weakness in a particular area, a lack of interest or motivation in a certain topic, problems concentrating on schoolwork (distraction or anxiety could be to blame). Sometimes, such changes also indicate physical problems such as vision or hearing problems.

3. Compare what the child does in school to what you have done with him or her at home. In my case, I find the curriculum too simple in some areas. I plan to bring in some examples of more advanced work that my child has done at home to ask if the teacher feels some additional higher-level work could supplement the current classwork. There are resource teachers and aides available to help provide this sort of individualized instruction, especially at the elementary level. It is important to work with the school in supplementing classroom instruction. My son has been writing the upper- and lower-case letters as I learned them only to find that the school system now uses the D'Nealian alphabet with young children in order to aid in the learning of cursive handwriting! Wish I had known that two years ago! He also feels nervous working one-on-one with the teacher and answers incorrectly just to have something quick to say - how can I help him reduce this anxiety? Is his teacher aware that he is anxious in this situation. Something to address in our conference.

4. Talk to your child about the classroom environment. What is their favorite and least favorite time of the day/activity/classmate, etc. In my case, I know that my son finds working with a particular student very distracting. A conference is a great time to address such issues. He also finds the red/yellow/green card discipline method very stressful. I may just point this out for the teacher's benefit although we have to respect the teacher's methods and experience. Our kids need to learn to adapt to situations that may not be 100% to their liking. Later in life, we have to adapt to bosses, job demands, the work routine - not everything is going to be the way you want it and it is important to be able to meet the expectations of others. Of course, if you find something totally inappropriate or exceedingly harsh, these matters should be addressed and rectified to your satisfaction either at the classroom or administrative level.

Some thoughts to keep in mind:

Teachers are usually extremely hardworking and dedicated to each child's success. No one really knows how hard a teacher works, except another teacher. Keep that in mind as you enter into this partnership with the teacher. You may do things differently but that doesn't necessarily mean that the teacher's methods are any less sound or effective.

Most problems can be resolved at the classroom level without anger or resentment. You and your teacher are allies in the education of your child. Don't approach a conference defensively.

Be open to everything you hear. As hard as it is to hear negative things about your child, it is important to simply address the concerns of the teacher and try to improve the situation. The teacher's insights aren't an attack on you or your child. Dealing with problems early can only benefit your child in the long run. Take notes to talk over with your child and spouse.

If you really find the teacher's insights completely out of line with your own, check into visiting and observing the class. Often, children behave quite differently at home or in more relaxed environments than at school. Talk to other parents without ganging up on the teacher. Are there problems that seem to be happening with many of the kids or is it an isolated issue?

Guidance couselors and administrators are there to provide further assistance if things can't be worked at with the teacher directly. If you plan to go this route, be prepared, bring examples/documentation, and come with a positive attitude. Reconciliation is the key to a successful school year. And if things just don't work out, students can usually be placed in another teacher's classroom without much difficulty.

As a teacher, I would stress that switching classes should be a last resort. Helping your child learn to adapt is a vital life lesson for both parent and child. We have to accept that our children will have faults to overcome and difficulties with others that they will need to work out for themselves. We can't and shouldn't be their saviors in every circumstance. This cripples a child's feelings of self-reliance and self-confidence.

Good luck with your parent-teacher conference! I have stressed the problems that can arise, but you will also find that your child's teacher has a lot of positive things to say! Education is key - keep it positive for your child, your child's teacher, and your family!