Preparing Parents for Prom

The word "prom" can inspire fear, excitement, and exhilaration in every teen and their parent. Teens dream of perfect dates, dresses, limousines, last dances, and who will "ask me" to the prom. Parents have nightmares of sex in the backseat of a car or in a hotel room, drinking and driving, and of expenses that add up to almost what you thought you would be spending on your son or daughter's wedding. So, what's a parent to do to help their child achieve their dream prom night without experiencing the nightmares of every parent?

Get the facts and check them twice. Your child burst in the door full of excitement because prom tickets go in sale Tuesday. They are so many dollars each and so much for couples. There are dress and behavior codes and . . . the talking continues as they walk down the hallway to their bedroom. The door shuts and you are still wondering what is going on. Get the facts in writing and check them twice about everything from costs to dress codes and chaperones and avoid the "But Mom/Dad I TOLD you."

Set boundaries on expenses. Dresses, tuxedos and flowers can get very expensive. Let your high school-aged child know how much you are willing to spend and stick to the budget. If more money is necessary, then help them get the jobs needed to pay for those costs. Suggest consignment stores, vintage boutiques, or a prom dress swap and shop to help with those hefty bills.

Don't have "the talk." They already know the "facts of life." They know the facts about sex and the consequences of their actions. Now it is not the time to sit down for a refresher course on sex education. My daughter and a few of her friends reminded me that prom is not the only night of their teenage life to have sex and if they want to have it they will no matter what or when the "talk" is, but they are capable of making the smart decisions about sex that we parents hope for without all the "nagging." Sometimes teens will even jump into an experience simply because everyone makes such a "big deal" about sex on prom night and unfortunately that includes the parents.

Do talk with them about your expectations. Teens consider the prom a rite of passage. Now is their opportunity to show what they have learned from you and the responsible decisions they can make. It doesn't hurt to remind them that you expect them to be responsible, to refrain from doing anything they aren't ready to do or that is illegal, but also to assure them that you are there to help them should they need it on this very important night. Consequences can wait until the morning when everyone has had a good night sleep and cooler heads will prevail.

Trust your children. It's a simple decision to make. Trust your children to act in a manner consistent with how you raised them. Prom night may be one of the biggest nights of their life, but they don't have to let it go to their head and neither do you. Does your family respond better when it's in writing? Consider using a Prom Contract. Many schools are offering them in the contract packets but there are also several available online.

Rent a limo. Limousines charge by the hour and for some parents having a paid and insured "designated driver" means less worries about drinking and driving, or a young driver being distracted by the excitement of exuberant friends in the car. Can't afford a limo? Take up a collection from several families and split the expenses or be the designated driver for a group of students that could also use a ride.

Create a care package. You don't have to be a Boy Scout to "be prepared." Provide your teenager with a cell phone, some spending money, and emergency contact numbers. If you feel comfortable, yes even with birth control. We can trust in their good judgment, but not necessarily their clear thinking so it doesn't hurt to be prepared.

As hard as it is for us to admit, our baby is growing up. From Kindergarten to Prom night and beyond we teach, encourage, love, hope, heal, wish and dream for their future. Tonight we can embarrass them by insisting on far too many photos and offer last minute admonitions to be safe and on this night we can see many of our efforts come to fruition as they head off into the sunset in their pretty pink dress and handsome tuxedo and hope that they will come back home that way.

Hey, it could be worse. It could be the night before their wedding, but that's another article.