Preparing for Pregnancy: The Stage Between Conception and Birth

Many of us have spent our early years planning what we want our family life to be like. Whether it's being married, having two children, a dog, a nice house with a white picket fence, or just focusing on what it must be like to watch our children grow into the prodigies they will become, there's a lot of looking ahead to look forward to. Most couples, after deciding to start a family, are so eager to think of names and wondering what their child/children will be good at, that they spend little time preparing for the actual pregnancy, which is a monumental change and adventure within itself. So much confusion arises in the different stages of pregnancy, and most feel as if they are on endless ride of hormones and midnight cravings. Though the end result is to be given the most credit, the pregnancy itself does take up a large amount of time, and it puts a lot of stress on relationships. How many horror stories have we heard about wives being left by their husbands, girlfriends left by boyfriends, after becoming pregnant? All we can do is prepare ourselves in advance, as best we can. To be naive to the consequences of our actions is to be foolish.

Once you've made the decision to start a family, and you've gotten over the majority of the excitement (but never the anticipation, for that doesn't disappear until the baby is born), you must assess the "damages" that will be dealt in the process. What will the pregnancy do to your budget? Are you financially prepared for such an endeavor? Are you willing to be surprised with unplanned financial issues that have a habit of surfacing at the least convenient of moments? You don't have to be rich to start a family, though it would be nice if we all were given "family allowances" based on the amount of children we decide to have, but you need to be willing to expect the unexpected. Things come up. I'm mostly speaking to those of us that either adhere to a strict budget or who don't like to part with money for things considered "unnecessary" or of no particular use.

Husbands/boyfriends and family members alike may find it difficult to run out and purchase a banana split sundae with two scoops of chocolate and vanilla and a cherry on top for the third time in a week. Any pregnant woman will find it difficult to explain why such a delicacy is required for any hope of a full-night's rest, which is why I must inform all the third parties to just trust the woman in the declared "pregnant" state. It is not only a state of body, but it's also a state of mind. To be driven by instincts, whether it's the need for a sundae, a massage, a soothing bath experience, whatever, for 40 weeks, is to live a wild existence outside of any modern logical reason. These cravings become needs, even though some or most may sound like a spoiled 6-year-old brat's temper tantrum. Don't try to reason with a hysterical pregnant woman, and since we can be so easily driven to hysterics, it may be best to just not try to reason with us at all. Chances are, we have either already prepared ourselves for whatever refusals, rebuttals, etc that may eject from your mouth and mind, or we are fine with resorting to tears, should the need arise. The tears are real. They are neither forced, nor fake flights of fancy. Joke with us later about them, and we may laugh with you. Choose not to bring it up again, and be guaranteed to keep your head.

Women, remember to keep your men involved in the pregnancy as much as possible. Despite my husband's lack of attention to anything he can't himself relate to, I constantly gave him descriptive information about everything I'd found out about my pregnancy or anyone else's I'd read into (minus some of the gory details here and there). Whether he liked it or not, he was going to have somewhat of an account of what pregnancy was like, even if he didn't have the joy of experiencing it firsthand. We were separated our entire pregnancy because he was deployed, but we talked as much as possible throughout the 6 months that he was gone. It was our first child, and within a few months of our wedding. I was preparing to move across the country to be on his base after he arrived back to the states, so we had a lot of changes to deal with. I tell you, it can be done. It's messy. It's hectic. It's an adventure, to say the least. Communication was the key to any success we experienced throughout the process.

Although plenty of books about pregnancy line the shelves and promise to aid you in your experience, your significant other will probably not be as inclined to read them as you may want him to be. Does he read manuals for his new cell phone/computer/digital camera/DVD player/etc? He won't read one for pregnancy either. Does he ask for directions when lost? No? He won't read a pregnancy book. Does he throw a fit when he can't get his cell phone/computer/digital camera/DVD player/etc to work, despite your fanning his almost combustible face with the manual? He will have the same reaction when he can't figure you out in your extremely emotional, explosive, irate, sensitive, pregnant state.

So be as sensitive to your man as you can be, provided that he is keeping you in mind as well. This is a huge task for the both of you. Be forgiving. Be open. It all does eventually end in a baby. Sometimes, it even ends in multiple babies, which I haven't had the pleasure of experiencing, yet.

Happy Pregnancy to All!