Preplanning Your Obituary

There are few thoughts more unpleasant than the idea of your name in the obituary section of the newspaper. Have you ever wondered though, who will get your last word? How will your friends and family remember you? How will you be immortalized?

The obituary is often an afterthought. In a rush to make final arrangements, distraught family members work with the funeral directors to put together the final legacy of their deceased loved one. For the sake of convenience, time and clarity, worksheets, form-letters and templates can be used. This leads to the infamous cookie-cutter obit. If no form is in place, the bereaved might be asked to deal with their grief as well as writing the obituary all at the same time, a process that could result in an obit riddled with errors, both factual and grammatical.

Taking some time to sit down and think about how your obituary will look across the page should be a part of any funeral pre-planning. Here's a list of basic information that will help get you started toward writing your own memorable obituary.

1.Vital and personal stats: What's your full name? When is your birth date? Where were you born? Your parents' names are? Your mother's maiden name was?

2.Education and work information: High school and year graduated. College and year graduated. Military service? Where did you work? When did you retire?

3.Important people in your life: Did you marry? Who (first and maiden name, if applicable)? When were you married? Where? By whom? Is your spouse living? If not, when did he or she die?

4.Children's names (first and last)? Grandchildren? Brothers or sisters? Aunts, uncles, cousins worth mentioning? Make sure you include a full name and their relationship to you. Is there a special friend you'll want to include in your obituary?

5.Hobbies and associations: Member of any special clubs, lodges, churches or organizations? What are your hobbies? Did you win any awards or receive any special recognition that you'd like to mention? What are your favorite things? What do you love to do more than anything?

6.Is there a story about your life that you'll want people to remember about you? Any last words you think you'll want to slip in?

7.Where do you want memorial contributions sent to? Your family or a favorite charity?

Collecting the above information alone will make it simpler for your loved ones, a funeral director or a newspaper obituarist to put together an accurate tribute. If you decide to go ahead and finish your obituary, keep in mind the following points:

What sort of tone do you want to set in your obituary? Is it important to you to that your legacy is kept in solemn remembrance? A somber tone may be fitting. Would you rather your family and friends reflect upon your life in celebration? A more light-hearted tone might apply.

How you word your obituary will have the greatest impact upon the mood of the piece. Consider the difference between the following examples:

"Jane Doe, 100, of Park Place, died Saturday, Nov. 5, 2005, at Madison Hospital."

"Park Place native, esteemed business woman and entrepreneur, Jane Doe passed away in the emergency room of Madison Hospital on Saturday, Nov. 5, 2005. She was 100."

"Jane Doe, 100, Park Place resident and founder of Business Strategies, Inc., was called home to the Lord on Saturday, Nov. 5, 2005."

The difference may be subtle but the wording you choose is an important consideration to take into account. Are you religious? Will you mention your faith? Will you mention heaven? Are you more cut-to-the-chase? Perhaps just the facts will suffice in your obituary, minus the fluff. Consider the difference in the wording of "died." How do you want your family to remember you?

Of course, you won't know the details of your own death while composing your obituary, but by settling your preferences up front, your last wishes will have a much better chance of being carried out.

Keep all the information you've gathered in a folder in a safe place. Make sure the funeral home you're working with has a copy. And talk to your loved ones. By setting aside some time for pre-planning, you can save yourself, and the ones you leave behind, a little piece of mind.

Melissa Jo Haney, a former newspaper obituarist, is a freelance writer and artist. She is available on contract to write biographical obituaries. Visit her on the web at www.melissa.memebot.com or email whoismelissa@gmail.com.