President Signs Health Care Bill

Senator Tommy Thomas (R-WD) and Congressman Robert Ingells (D-MK) are celebrating today. The president signed The 2009 All-in Health Care Reconstruction Act into law this morning. The two congressman authored nearly identical health care legislation in their respective houses. Both bills HR 3301 and S-789 were merged in committee in less than two weeks of closed door conference. The President had threatened to veto the bill.

The President signed the bill and quickly deferred questions to the two legislators he described as, "...shining examples of bipartisanship working to fundamentally change the way America views the concepts of socialism and how government must insure fundamental fairness in health care reform-the cornerstone of our great democracy." The President boarded Air Force One, with the first family and some of his wife's cousins from Chicago's south-side who had dropped by on the way to Disney World. He is scheduled for a short vacation after a few town hall meetings that will have been thoroughly screened to weed out right-wing fringe lunatics that might suppose to show up to a public forum speak loudly into a microphone in an un-American attempt to express opposition to the government.

The congressmen appeared together before the press after attending the official presidential signing ceremony at the White House. Senator Tommy Thomas (R-WD) said he believed the best way to get at the most flawed part of health care was identifying what the most flawed part was. "You do that by killing the thing and seeing what parts die first. Those are the parts you can fix right now, while you watch and formulate a plan of attack against tougher parts that are dying slower."

He was asked by WKPT reporter, Eric Leeland if he considered this a political loss for the president. "You can't expect everyone to jump in and try and tackle this whole thing in one presidential cycle. There are those of us whose opposition had no root whatsoever in what if any political gain was attached to opposing the president. We had serious concerns with the White House plan. We did not believe the details had been explained by the administration. We like some aspects of the president's plan and incorporated those aspects into the billed signed today. We are not, as the liberal media has labeled us, The Party of No.

Congressman Robert Ingells (D-MK) did not speak but issued this statement:

I believe as my good friend Senator Thomas believes. Today is a victory for America. Our approach of a complete ban on health care was considered unrealistic just three months ago. We were laughed at by those who thought we weren't serious. We were vilified by those who knew we were. I believe in this approach as I believe in my lord-in-savior Jesus Christ who spoke to me and told me to champion this legislation. Allowing no one to have health care will speed along the slow ideological process of government sponsored commercial industry reform and regulation. I recognize that there will be major unrest. I am prepared to work with the state and local governments. Together we will make sure that absolutely NO one gets any health care until we have figured out how to get it for everyone.

"Unfair, Punitive, Costly" says Disabled Doctors Who Smoke and Conduct Cancer Research
A $10.00 per pack federal tax on cigarettes increasing ten cents annually through 2015 when effectiveness would be evaluated. The revenue will fund EFFSCRPA, the Equality of Federal Funding of State Cancer Research Programs Act. EFFSCRPA encourages and promotes cancer research by providing funding to states not currently receiving federal funds for cancer research because they do not have cancer research programs.

A law limiting malpractice awards. Loss wages compensation must reflect earnings based on the objective measurable history of the plaintiffs wage earnings and not some made up figure based on an abstract concept of potential earnings. Also, Social Security disability recipients would have their benefit offset by any private settlements for the covered disability. In the past people could collect full disability regardless of personal assets gained from private settlements.

Punitive remedy for providing health care. The law states that anyone over the age of 15 that provides for anyone else any care, treatment or instruction of a medical nature (whether said care, treatment or instruction be consented to or not) and charges anyone associated or not with the person or persons receiving said care, treatment or instruction of a medical nature and receives any amount of money, favor or trade (except in kind) whether such receipts were solicited or not commits a Class A felony.

Cabinet Member and Pundit Comment on New Health Care Law
Secretary of Health and Human Services, Marion Perez, said she had been informed a few months ago by the White House Chief-of-Staff's office that a bill would be signed. She had not yet had an opportunity to read the bill. She referred to an email from a receptionist from the White House Press Secretary's office stating it was a good bill. Secretary Perez was speaking at the 22^nd Annual New England Health Insurance Lobbyist Fundraiser when she learned of today's signing.

Outspoken ultra-liberal Lu Chio called the bill "...spineless political love making between the white house the congress and the American people". Mr. Chio, former chairman of the powerful House National Asian Caucus turned radio shock jock, said the legislation is stupid. According to his website liberalbutnotgay.org, one of the provisions would criminalize such acts as an older family friend formerly in politics getting an alcohol rub from a colleagues teenage grandson simply because the the grandson took $50.00.

New Supreme Court Justice Ways in on Health Care
One part of the legislation got the ultimate stamp of approval. EFFSCRPA, the Equality of Federal Funding of State Cancer Research Programs Act had been unfunded due to a constitutional challenge pending review in the U. S. Supreme Court. That was settled last week when newly appointed Supreme Court Justice Angela Maria Perez voted with the majority, legalizing the Act. Writing a concurring opinion, Justice Perez stressed this would be particularly significant in the desert southwest where there are a lot of wise Latinas that could bring a wealth of experience to cancer research that a white researcher might not be able to based on his vanilla Lilly-white upbringing in a white male dominated society.

Editorial
The editors of On the Hill see the political reality like this. Health Care Reform was dead. The idea of any health care legislation was dying. This isn't because people are against the president, though some clearly are. This bill's passage is the product of the political season. We are edging closer to the mid-term elections. The White House was willing to concede some of its priorities to help democrats running in close elections with conservative constituencies. Now they will go onto the business of securing loyal surrogates, outside the administration, to reassure the democratic base that they have conceded.