Presidential Debate Finds Salient Metaphor in Mario the Plumber

HEMPSTEAD, NY-The third and final debate between Presidential candidates John McCain and Barack Obama found an extended metaphor in the trials and tribulations of Mario the plumber, whose struggles against a difficult economy and the tyranny of King Koopa have struck a resonant chord with the American voter.

Mario Mario, referred to simply as "Mario the plumber" several times by both candidates, is a self-employed independent contractor who owns and operates a small family plumbing business with his brother, Luigi Mario. A tireless worker, Mario has been known to put in ten- to twelve-hour days, whether it be servicing pipes and drains or exploring a hidden passageway to Warp Zone. In a well-publicized incident on the campaign trail, Mario asked Senator Obama if his proposed tax plan would punish his hard-earned success, either from operating a business worth over $250,000, or from earning extra points by repeatedly stomping on the same Koopa Troopa shell on the staircase at the end of the level.

Obama promised Mario in no uncertain terms that his tax plan would not hurt the plumber; indeed, depending on the plumber's individual situation, he might even be spared some capital gains taxes that would otherwise be acquired by investing in his business or in climbing the vine that leads you to the secret area in the clouds.

Senator McCain, on the other hand, roundly criticized Obama's plan during the debate, warning Mario the plumber that Obama's plan might tax him out of several of his investments. "My friends," McCain went on to say, "working families are already paying a hundred gold coins for a 1-UP. This is no time to raise taxes on anybody. My plan will ensure that employers can create jobs and that there will be sufficient yellow capes for all working families who need to fly across the lava pit in the underground board."

It is unknown at press time which candidate Mario the plumber actually intends to vote for, but the power of the metaphor is in the message rather than the facts, as political commentator Mark Shields mentioned in PBS' wrap-up of the debate: "They just kept coming back to Mario the plumber. He's someone the American people can understand. Whether you're a single mom trying to raise three kids, a small businessperson facing a credit crunch, or just a typical American voter surrounded by Goombas and looking desperately for a Fire Flower-I'd say we've all got a little bit of Mario the plumber in us."

MSNBC's Keith Olbermann, while unimpressed with the candidates' choice to use Mario the plumber as a rhetorical shield, agreed that the plumber's plight "served as an adequate lens through which to view the issues affecting Main Street, or Donut Plains if you prefer, rather than Wall Street. President Bush has repeatedly shown his lack of concern for ordinary Americans who can't make their mortgage payments or catch the Starman to get through the water level. "

Recent polls indicate that, despite both parties employing Mario the plumber as an Everyman metaphor for an America in crisis, Barack Obama remains ahead by a significant margin. Financial analysts believe that, in the end, Obama's tax plan would better serve a small businessman whose earnings fall in the lower 95% of the spectrum, who reports significant self-employment income and who must frequently account for moneys received from bashing flickering, question-mark-festooned boxes with his fist.

In response, Senator McCain vowed to initiate a face-to-face meeting with Mario the plumber himself, and proceeded to capture a local princess to show his commitment to the enterprise. Whether or not this has sparked Mario's motivation to track down the Senator is unknown, although insider sources report that the meeting would most probably take place "in another castle".