Presidential Pets that You'll Never See in the White House but Should . . .

So, President Obama has finally chosen a dog. Bo, the Portuguese water dog, has made his way into the hearts of the First Family, and I'm sure the hearts of many Americans. Of course, there is some disappointment from some animal activists that he did not happen to adopt from an animal shelter, but that will soon pass. Of course, this leads me to wonder, would there be any sort of protest if Obama happened to have adopted a bald python? Or what if he went ahead and greeted the world riding the First Rhinoceros? Here are some of the animals that the president should adopt, but sadly, may never see, and what the world would think of us if he did adopt one of these animals:

Mongoose- From the far reaches of southern Asia, the mongoose would be adopted, having been found on craigslist by the First Family. The president would be caught on film on the first day he brings this little furry creature home, while walking around the Rose Garden. Almost as if on cue, a cobra snake would be seen coming toward the president and the media would see the power of a mongoose. After these pictures are released to the public, mongoosemania would hit the United States by storm. Children will be continually begging their parents for a pet mongoose. Sales of copies of Riki-Tiki-Tavi would sky rocket. Countries would beg to be our allies, because if the presidential pet could kill a snake, imagine what the rest of the country could do!

However, there is a downside. The United States population of snakes would dwindle. Some would be killed off by the mongeese by normal action, others would die during blood sport battles conducted by NFL players, who would later get arrested and banned from the sport for their actions. Snake worshipers and Satanists would take offense and hold daily protests, throwing stuffed animal snakes at the president's head whenever he attends a public function. St. Patrick's day would lose some of its meaning. After all, how could one man drive the snakes from Ireland if one furry creature could chase off all the snakes in a country bigger than Ireland. So, maybe the First Mongoose may not be such a good idea.

Chimpanzee- This would be such a cute animal to walk around the front lawn of the White House, swinging from tree to tree. George the chimpanzee would be the sweetheart of the year. The president would be awarded several honors from the animal activists for adopting such a wonderful, rare creature. There would be daily fluff pieces shown on news channels throughout the country about George. Sales in Curious George books and items would go through the roof. The Monkees would get back together and perform on a nationwide tour, bringing body doubles of George with them where ever they go. Countries of the world will think highly of us, partially because of our policies, but mainly because they think George is just so cute.

However, there will be the drawback that will happen one day. The world will look in horror as video is released of George going crazy and attacking members of the White House and running rampant throughout Washington, DC, ending in a deadly shoot out at the Whitewater Hotel. There would be a national funeral. George would be interred in state at the White House, and chimpanzees will be shunned by the world, for fear of being attacked by others of his kind. So, the First Chimpanzee, although cute, would not be the best animal either.

What animal, then, would be the best choice for the First Family. What animal would bring joy to them and to America to look at, not go crazy and kill people, not alienate anyone, and still deliver a message to countries around the world that America is a strong country internationally. After considering these things, the only decision is clear.

Mosquito- Not only would the First Mosquito be a symbol of strength (something that small carrying something as dangerous as malaria), it is also a national symbol. The selection would be one of the biggest mosquitoes from Alaska. This selection would help unify the country, bringing the northern most state in line with the lower forty-eight.

This choice would not go crazy as it would stay locked up in its hermetically sealed cage. It would not alienate anyone, as who in their right mind likes mosquitoes? The only question that remains is, 'How do you make a mosquito appealing to the rest of the nation?' With the advancements in technology, this issue is easily rectified. There would be a green screen that would follow Marty the Mosquito wherever he goes, giving him a goatee and a shaggy haircut. Who wouldn't love a bearded mosquito? To not love him would be, dare I say, unamerican.

So, get ready America. The day will come when either President Obama or whomever the next president would be, will make a presentation to the world of their newest pet. Hopefully, one of these great minds will take my advice and prevent the heartache that would come about by the wild attacks of George the chimpanzee, or the political turmoil caused by the First Mongoose. All hail the Presidential Mosquito!